I am very troubled at the moment by my job and myself worth. When I am preparing to go to work I become increasingly more anxious. When I am at work the noise, the volumes of people I deal with, the demands for multi-tasking and quick thinking from collegues, gives me headaches and it all exhausts me. It is almost too much for me.

My trouble is that once I leave work and come home I relax, get absorbed in my latest interest and the urge to change jobs goes away.
I understand this now as being a matter of routine for me. It is the way I do things. So whilst I am at work I have a need for change because I feel unhappy, bored, stressed, etc. But when I am not at work those feelings go away.

It is almost like by routine or habit I go through this process each day because it is what 'I do'. If it wasn't there for me to do I would just adopt a new routine. Right now I have new options open for me to attempt improvement in my current job and/ or get help to find another more suitable job.

But I am not doing anything about it. My routine has because part of me ( I expect to suffer the pain ) and I need something to break the pattern, but for reasons I can't explain I don't do it. I need to change things for the better and I don't understand why I can't do it.

I don't know how to do it in your situation. I only know I didn't change the routine and finally the pain of work got so big it influenced my well being at home. I could not relax any more. And my family members got headaches because of my tension. I still did not change my routine. And I got sick. A complete burn-out.
So I'm finaly out of my routine, and now I have to find new options from scratch.

If you have got new options open, take some time, and go for it. Maybe it helps to take your time outside of your house. So you might get out of your daily house routine long enough to work on the change of the work routine.

(I've got a bad habit to lose myself in my daily things and just forget about the not daily things when I'm at home. I try to build a new routine to do al these non daily things, but routines often aren't made, it is as if they grow on me)

This is what has happened to me. I did not actively decide to adopt this routine and I haven't done anything wrong myself within it. I have missed the signals though. From 2004 I have been waking up dreaming about serving customers. I didn't leave and find something else in early 2006 when my roster changed and I lost my regular shifts with two days off together and then all my free time seemed so erratic. Then as the environment and my health deteriorated at the end of 2006/ early 2007 again I missed the opportunity of changing. I did nothing. I couldn't break the routine of familiarity. I certainly can get more help now and I don't feel particularly unhappy, just frustrated, a bit dissappointed and I'm feeling ( despite potentially not retiring until I'm 67! ) that I am running out of time. I often get the sinking feeling of 'who is going to want me?' or 'why should I be of interest to other people?'. I have many good work related qualities, but the negatives are over-riding them.

Something very similar has happened to me many, many times.

There's nothing wrong with getting absorbed in your interest when you get home -- everyone needs to unwind at the end of a busy day.

As for changing jobs. It really is a matter of deciding, "right. Now's the day!!" and having the commitment to see it through.

You get days off, right? One day off, dedicate a little time to looking in the newspaper and seeing what jobs there are. You could make this part of your routine if it helps.

Wow, Michael, you sound like my husband.  I asked him what it would take to change and he replied, "Changing is easy, planning the change is what's hard.  I could change in an instant.  Just say, 'I quit,' and walk away."

That's not the best thing to do.  I was the one who turned the job search into an obsession and found a different job for him.  I lived at job boards for over a month. If you don't have a friend who's going to do that, you might consider contacting some headhunters to find you a position.  Be very clear in your mind about the type of position that will feel most comfortable.  You are already surviving doing what you're doing, so there's no need to go to another survival kind of job -- you know, the same only different. Wait for the right one.

You are right. It would be relatively easy for me to move into a similar situation in another company and probably be even more unhappy.

One of the big problems I have at the moment is that I don't have any 'role models'. There have usually been people around me at work whose positive actions I've adopted and I call them my 'scripts' ( or it could be someone I've seen on TV, etc. ). It always worked, faced with a given situation if I was struggling I would think 'when X was in this situation he did......'. Currently there is no-one around like that. No one to give me confidence. So work has become a bit of a void.

I do need to find some inspiration from somewhere. Earlier this year I thought being diagnosed with AS would be positive for me and it is. It is also making me now really feel the pain of situations I previously tolerated because I thought I should. Now I really need to try hard to get into a better situation. However in trying to do this ( alone ) I am distracted constantly by my negative thoughts.

Strangely I wonder if I am so used to feeling down that it has become the norm for me and maybe I actually fear happiness. No thats just an excuse for doing nothing.

I think I should contact some recruitment people locally and see the job centre and ask them what they think I could do.

Don't let some one else decide for you, though.  Have clear ideas about the job, even if they are general. For example, whether you wish to work indoors or outdoors.  If you haven't done that Briggs-Meyers yet, go do it.  When you get your results they also list career matches for your type.  It isn't an easy answer, but it's a jumping off point.

Briggs-Meyers? what is that?

Oh yes I have done that. It said I was a perfectionist.

I don't recall that being one of the personality types, maybe you're thinking of another test?  My type is INTP.  I took this test years ago and it was the same outcome.  The link (http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp) I used a few days ago was at this thread -- http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthre...?tid=5598.

No I have done this test before, this was my result.

Your Type is
ISTJ

Strength of the preferences %
Introverted 89%, Sensing 1%, Thinking 75%, Judging 11%.

Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:
very expressed introvert

slightly expressed sensing personality

distinctively expressed thinking personality

slightly expressed judging personality

( I meant to type ) No I have not done this test before. It was very useful and has given me some very positive thoughts. Thanks for posting that link. I must concentrate more on my positive skills and this was very helpful.

sorry for the delay -- I had not realized that we are limited to 15 posts per day.  I won't waste my posts doing the frivolous types of things I did yesterday again.

From a website, forget the name:

Here are just a few popular and often satisfying careers for people whose Personality Type is ISTJ.

    * Chief Information Officer
    * Meteorologist
    * Database administrator
    * Healthcare administrator
    * Paralegal
    * Accountant
    * Real estate broker
    * Construction / building inspector
    * Police detective
    * Agricultural scientist
    * Primary care physician
    * Biomedical researcher
    * Office manager
    * Credit analyst
----------------------------------

If you enjoy computer work, DBAs are practically demigods.  Eccentricity is viewed as a sign of competence and you will certainly be left alone when you want to be left alone.  Not sure how long a certification program takes, though.

Hmm, this is my 500 th post! So I'll make it about me. Some progress is being made on the above issues!

Share when you're ready.  I know we don't want to open the oven door while the cake is still baking, but share what and when you want.