Hi all

Would appreciate some advice on this.

Lately, Megan has gotten very very clingy towards my wife. She has alwys woken up in the night and up til just lately we were able to take it in shifts.

Nowadays, if my wife isn't with her, she screams and cries and basically has a tantrum. Even if Naomi merely goes up to the loo she has a fullscale meltdown!

This is obviously distressing for all of us. Megan is really upset obviously, Naomi (who is 5 months pregnant) is exhausted and I am feeling (oh dear, selfish old me) a bit left out. Me and Meggy used to have a great time at night. I'm an insomniac anyway so it didn't really bother me being up very late (up to a point obviously) and I really miss my daughters company

We've thought that Megan may have picked up on Naomi's pregnancy and is worried she will be unloved when the new baby comes but we've made a point from day one of the pregnancy of telling her that we will always love her and she will always be our precious daughter.

Recently its got very bad as Meg sometimes pinches or scratches us out of temper. the whole situation is made worse by the fact that Megan doesn't vocalise yet. She has Speech Therapy and we're (together with her school) introducing a pictoral timetable but progress is slow. I'd love to know what Megan is thinking sometimes!

Any insights anyone can offer will be greatly appreciated. We just want Meggy to be happy again.

Kev, unfortunately ALL children appear to be going through stages of only wanting one or the other parent to exclusively look after them. All my children, and now my grandchildren have had 'Mommy' or 'Daddy' phases, where the other parent is practically not even allowed to touch them if they are there. When the other parent is obviously not home it isn't a problem, however.

And I have found that NOTHING works to stop this. Time will take care of it. You might find that in a few weeks she'll want only you to do things for her!

So, my advice is: Try your best to gently explain to her why Mommy needs her rest, but don't expect it to make any difference, since little kids aren't exactly known for their logic. She'll get over it eventually. Which is easy to say for me I guess (especially now that my kids aren't little any more). But that is my experience.

Ursula

How old is she? Is she sleeping at night?
Kids can often lash out in temper, I would say that its common.

Thanks for your replies both

Megan will be 5 on the 17th of this month

Her sleep is very intermittent. Very occassionaly she will sleep through but mostly she will wake up at any point between 1 and 3 and will stay awake for the rest of the night or may sometimes fall asleep after 2-3 hours of being awake.

She's probably too young to understand much about pregnancy and where babies come from, so I don't think that's her worry.  More likely, she's feeling neglected because, with her mother being so tired from the pregnancy and needing to rest more often, she's not getting as much attention as she's used to getting.

One small semantic point: I'd suggest that, when talking to Megan, you say "the baby" or "the little baby" instead of "the new baby."  Autistic kids can be very literal with language (whether or not they speak). My parents told me that, when my sister was born, I got very upset about having a "new baby" in the house.  Eventually they figured out that I was worried about being the "old baby" and perhaps no longer needed, like old clothes!

Have you thought of trying melatonin for the sleeping problems?
Its the natural substance that the body produces to send you to sleep. So many kids with autism have sleeping problems and they can get very hyper at night.
It has no side effects, my son has taken it for a long time and it helps him so much. He has a sleep disorder and the lack of sleep was affecting him a lot. It can be taken from about 4 years of age, and is available on prescription in the UK.

Bonnie: good point re: 'new' baby.

Amy: For the nights that Megans capacity for wakefulness surpasses our ability to remain awake we give her a medication called Vallergan which is basically an anti-histamine. We absolutely hate giving it to her as it has a definite negative effect on her the following day but sometimes we are all so tired that to stay awake would be hazardous for Megan.

Megans consultant has mentioned Melatonin in the past and we've toyed with the idea but we were under the impression that it was a fairly new development and not a lot was known about the long term affects and for that reason we tended to shy away from it. I also was told by the consulant that Melatonin is good for making people actually drop off to sleep but doesn't help them stay asleep which is the exact reverse of Megans problems.

I'd be interested in hearing a little more about your experiences with it though as you've obviously had a postive result with it.

My son has taken melatonin for about 7 years, and has shown no side effects. As it is a natural product that it is the body anyway that doesnt suprise me.
It has great beneficial effects of letting his mind rest and go off to sleep.
I think it is worth trying for a month, and establishing a good routine at the same time every night. If it fails at least you have tried and it could be a great help when you are up all night with a new baby.

Kev, hoping things have improved now with your daughter. There is one thing that worries me in your previous posts - your daughter hitting her mother. I don't think she should be allowed to do that even if she is autistic. I don't mean hitting her back - just restraining her from hitting.

If she isn't stopped now when she is little, she could still be doing it when she is much bigger and stronger. Not sure what to advise about the clinginess except to say that often kids go through stages where they only want mum or dad or some other significant person. It's just that its usually more intense with Autistic people.

Have you considered seeing a family therapist? I'm concerned the problem might get worse once the baby is there. A therapist might pick up on something you miss because you are so used to it. It would also be good to get some support structure together now.

(NB: If you consider therapy, find someone who understands autism)

Maybe with the new pregnancy there is a slight change in the household routine Megan was used to and its upsetting her greatly. Any form of change can invoke great anxiety in autistics. It sounds as though Megan might have an anxiety problem.

Warm milk with camomile tea can help calm her down before bedtime.

I suppose my post is a bit late    I didn't look at the dates (typical).

Did you find a solution? If so, share it with us please  :grin:

If, God forbid, my child is autistic, I would hope that they are high spectrum. If not, I would hire a professional to take care of it, since I am fairly wealthy.

If thats supposed to some stupid troll, you are not welcome here.

Yeah, a bit mean.

But the signature:  Autistic kids rock! (literally!) made me laugh out loud!  

There's good parenting for ya... throw your kid that you supposed love and care for at a professional and pretend they don't exist... sorry you lose my respect, troll or not AlCapone. As for your siggy there Al, is that supposed to be some sort of dumb joke? If it was, you proved your stupidity, not all autistics rock (literally) as a stim. You just proved you adhere to myths of autism.