My to-be-ex-wife has either told my children or said within earshot that, since I have "a disorder" (Asperger's), I cannot be trusted with my children.  She has, no doubt, broached this to her attorney.

My OWN ATTORNEY has stated that my Asperger's will be a problem and that I should not request custody because Asperger's will be used to show that I have an unsuitable "state of mind".

Where can I go to get help with this?

I cannot afford a new attorney.

Why would you get a new attorney?  He works for you.  Tell him what you want and ask him how you get it.  No doubt he has some experience and will give you good advice on what the judge will likely rule.  You could work on getting your doctor to provide information to your lawyer that Asperger's does not prevent people from being good parents.  Make your lawyer work for his fees.  

Are you looking for joint custody or just visitations rights or full custody?  

Is there any evidence that you have been a poor parent (abusive, neglectful, addiction problems) in the past?  Are there financial reasons or other reasons why you would not be considered for custody?  --inadequate income to support a home for your children, live too far away from the children to attend same school for joint custody, you travel often for work?  

If your answer is that you do not have employment or a place large enough for your children to stay with you, you will have to show that you are going to fix those problems in the future and get another hearing in the future to apply for custody again.  In the meanwhile, you would still like visitation while you pay support or whatever the judge rules.

You should try to have the best interests of your children in mind nor getting revenge on your wife.

That you have AS seem to be a quite bad argument. AS means alot of things and there's alot of myths regarding it, they can't judge you because of something they apparently don't know much about.

This is my biggest fear as an ASD mom. With all the anti-ASD parent stuff out there right now, what can we do to negate that? I'm certainly not a perfect parent, but there are a whole heck of a lot of parents out there that are way worse than me! And they're NTs! How to you avoid this situation?

I know that's not helpful, there has to be some sort of autistic advocate that could ACTUALLY help you and help you have some sort of custody of your kids.

I do also know that, as a father, you automatically have less rights to your kids, at least in the US. I have a step-nephew who's caring daddy has to do whatever his crazy mom wants... for instance he's now seven and wants to have a one-week on, one-week off situation, but because that would mean less money in for her, she's refused it.

So perhaps you need a hybrid attorney... if such a thing exsists.

No doubt your wife talking this way in front of your kids is damaging to their relationship with you.

I am genuinely sad that this is happening to you and wish I could help more.

they can NOT reject custody for aspegrers syndrome, becuase it is not a disorder its a SYNDROME.

it doe snot effect you phsyically, and it actually gives you much more reational judgment than a normal person. it doenst effect your judgment negativly it enhances your judgment.
a GOOD attourney would point out every single good fact about aspegrers they could find, you should get a phsyocologist who is anti-cure and pro-fair-treatment to testify on your behalf.

not only can you prove your aspergers would not effect your parenting negatively, you can prove that it makes you a better parent if you argue it right.

my mom is a legally baorderline McDD-insane alchoholic, and she got custody of her kids, if SHE can ANYONE can. its all about how you play your cards.

Seven has a good point. Since the cause of Asperger's is unknown and it does not affect people physically, it could be argued that it is nothing more than a PERSONALITY TYPE.

It is often difficult for men to get custody of their children because for some reason judges lean towards wanting kids to go with their moms. Perhaps you should get someone to help you show a lot of emotion; read up on body language and the like. Put on a BIG SHOW! If you SHOW the judge that you love your children very much and can be a very 'normal' person and people can relate to you, he will be more likely to ignore the Asperger's.

I can't remember where I read it, but there was a serious discussion recently whether Aspergers parents should even be allowed to keep their kids and whether it wouldn't be "better to give them to social services" [sic]

Obviously I totally oppose that idea, but in a custody case everything is VERY heavily weighed against the Aspergers parent.

One of the first sites at the stickified thread in the news and media forum "Rotten autism sites" seem to support that idea.

Would it matter that two of the kids are diagnosed with Asperger's?  If anything that means that I have a far easier time understanding them than would their mother.  Asperger's isn't a "mental health" issue, although her depression and bipolar conditions are.

Actually there is a Canadian Family Law Expert that has put an article out that sheds a rather poor image of those parents with Asperger's, her name is Shiela Linehan Jennings.
There is a link to several articles she has written. Between her and Judy Singer of ASpar (really nasty website against Aspies as parents) both are not very helpful to those especially NTs that find that website and want to get custody away from Aspies as they make us look really horrible.

http://www.familymatters associates.ca/links.htm (put space in it to not increase their traffic purposely)

Can you get help from the doctor who diagnosed the kids?  

The mother has depression and bipolar -- if they are not under control, she could very well need help parenting.  Has she been hospitalized or does she take effective medication for these conditions.  All this has to be considered by the judge.  

You should push for joint custody if possible.  What is important is that you show that you are really trying to do what is best for your children.  

What about your family: parents, siblings?  Will they help you to care for your children?  Would showing you have an effective support system be in your favour?

If anything I think that her being Bipolar would definately tip the scale a lot further than you having Aspergers.  The general uneducated public usually seems to look at Bipolar as being essentially insanity.  You ask your average uneducated NT what they think when they hear Bipolar, they're most likely going to say psychotic.  Yet when you ask your average uneducated NT what they think when they hear Aspergers, most of the time they'll just say "*** burgers?".  Despite the legal system being pretty much screwed, I think the jury will lean more to your side considering the circumstances.

Unless you get a good lawyer that is knowledgeable about Asperger's Syndrome and the autism spectrum and the challenges that are faced by the autistic/aspie parent and such, the court will definitely look at whether the situation with the parent can be 'improved' by medications/therapy, etc like M said. Anyone that looks up 'custody' and 'Asperger's Syndrome', amongst the top entries will be greeted by links to ASpar and articles by the lady I mentionned in regards to her articles. It's not a very reassuring thought that stuff like that is easily at the finger tip and can be used against us as parents on the spectrum.

Oh, chilling idea.  My daughter is at least as Aspie as I am, I think her life would be hell if she'd been given to an NT family!  Not only that, some of us Aspies are excellent with children (I am, for sure, the kids at my day care mostly all like me.  It seems they only get judgemental after they get older than about 5/6.)  And since the Autie gene runs in families, think of all those poor AS kids who'd be separated from the only people who understood them properly.  
Alison

Your lawyer must do what you tell him or her.  The lawyer is not allowed to make any decisions on your behalf unless you give them power of attorney which you should never do.  Just tell your lawyer what you want.  BTW, if you don't try, you definitely won't get custody.