Does anyone else get annoyed at this common piece of lousy advice?  Yeah, you'll make friends, if you just act naturally, be yourself, don't try to be someone you're not, blah blah blah....  Oh, everyone still hates you?  Just be yourself even more. :roll:

oh yes, Dreamer, I'm sure we've all had a lot of that in our time,  unforunately.

No matter what we do we can't "fit in" with NTs.  

I think you can learn how to get on with them enough to avoid conflict, but that cosy feeling of fitting in will always elude you.  

Might as well try making a hamster fit in with a shoal of jellyfish. A different order of being.

That's why we're in here, and they're everywhere else!   :idea:


Stella

When we first set up AFF one thing Wolfy said straight away was "no patronising advice" of that type. Also other gems are "when you feel depressed, go for a long walk", and "if you are worried about something, just forget about it"!

Anything equivalent to "just try some gum" is REALLY bad advice! After observing my peers, I have realized it is VERY ADDICTIVE! Why else would they chew it like they do?

Even though their gum addiction and snobbing got chewing gum banned from my team, there still is that whole other team to still tease about it in that crude way!

Neurotypicals.

Back on topic. I enjoy being myself, so nobody has to give me that advice. Most NTs I know don't be themselves, but a copy of somebody in the "in" crowd (?) instead. Since this "in" crowd I speak of probably started that whole teasing spree, I don't like them, nor trust them, nor socialize with them (although I usually don't socialize with any peers).

:!: Mich :?:

But why *wouldn't* you be yourself?

I figure if someone doesn't want to be my friend because I'm 'weird', that's *THEIR* loss, not mine.

Greetings,

You have to admit it would be interesting.  Just imagine the reaction in one of those posh cafes that sell overpriced coffee when you run into the wall at high speed or start stabbing yourself in the head with a pen  :twisted:

Huh? What does that have to do with the topic at hand?

Some of my antics are a bit less extreme, I do little annoyign things like tapping my fingertips or knuckles against things, of pacing, or spinning in a chair, and I can keep doing it for a long time...  it really drives the NTs crazy after a few short minutes.  Good for hours of fun.

It was intended as a humourous example.  I dont expect anyone would be quite that bad.

Right. Every time I dare be myself, I will never hear the end of it. Because it seems that not just my behaviour is considered inappropriate, it seems I am inappropriate.  :cry:

Yeah i get irritated with the BE Yourself thing. Usually it happens when you are being particularly yourself.
Or the "Calm down and have hot cup of tea" when you having a tantrum. Ever tried telling volcano not to blow? Look at all those constipated NTs out there being themselves and looking just like each other.
Yeah ok i rkkn i am a bit jealous too. I have my NT friends who teach me  a lot.
And Im guaranteed to shutdown or meltdown if somebody actually tells me what i am feeling, or asks me how i am if it is that small talk stuff.
ok so i have a lot to learn. patience i guess...
becca :roll:

To a certain extent, it makes perfect sense for aspies.  Pretending to be someone else is such tedious, and frequently arduous, work that it's just not worth it most of the time.  I only refrain from being myself when being myself is likely to result in physical abuse, which is a much less common situation now that I'm out of HS.  Plus, even if you manage to cook up a fake persona that does fool people, which is no mean feat if your social skills are subpar, if you ever drop that persona you're not likely to be trusted, and at the very least you're obligated to start from scratch.  So, while "be yourself and everyone will love you" is a steaming load, from an energy-efficient perspective being oneself is just good sense for us, n'est-ce pas?

Being yourself is hard sometimes, when you don't know what "yourself" really is.

See, sayings like that were what always kind of pestered me.  "Who are you, really?"  My answer to them is usually to hold out my hand and say, "hi, I'm [my real name]."  When they ask again in an attempt to be metaphysical-cool, I just repeat myself, over and over, until they get frustrated, call me immature, and go away scowling.

If I could tell anyone everything there was to know about the innermost essence of my being in a short sound bite, what would be the point of knowing me to begin with?  Lousy poser-daoists with their smug existential condescension and grumble grumble grumble...

'Course, you probably weren't trying to be cutesy that way, I just felt the urge to vent my spleen on a topic raised by free association.  Sorry.   :lol:

iv never really gotten that saying- whenever someone says it to me, i am already being myself. and since they are obviously not telling me to continue with my behavior, i am at loss as to what they are telling me.