Yes I know not every single woman on the earth reacts like this, and I did say "can be". But just think for a second...How attracted is a woman towards a man when she is acting as his "mommy" vs because he's a strong attractive MAN. Give me one good example where a couple stayed madly in love for 40+years in "mommy" type relationship.

Wow, what a horrible woman! She was probably frustrated and just looking for a convenient target. It was quite uncalled of her to ask all those personal questions and there is no obligation to give any answer except either "I prefer to keep my personal life separate to my work life" or "why do you want to know" or even "how is it your business?".

I was the target of similar psycho questions from other women and girls and didn't realise I could tell them some things were none of their business. What this person said would come under "workplace harassment". People are not allowed to discriminate on the basic of marital status/sexual orientation/household situation and so on.

Some people would actually say it is canny to live with one's parents as it means it is possible to save money.

Michael,
First of all I want to thank you for writing this and say that this persons veiws dont define you at all. However, I might have something to add that would be of encouragement to you. I dont like to comment otherwise.
The way you describe yourself is similar in many ways to the way I would describe myself. It isnt often that people are overt about the ways they see me but it has happened and I have often got the impression ( weather directly or indirectly) that people saw me the way this person said they saw you. The thing is that I never really thought much about how it made me feel but it really did hurt to know that others saw me this way. I certainly never told anyone about it the way you have here. Thanks for doing that.
The thing is that 6 years ago a woman sought a relationship with me. I would have pursued her if I had any idea how. Im so glad she did. We have been married for 5 and 1/2 years. Shes great and she means the world to me. She is so different than me and our marriage seems sooooo different to everybody (and I do mean everybody).
I really didnt do much changing and I certainly can give you any neat picture of what women want or what anyone like or dislikes about me or people in general that made any difference in our case. Ive made alot of adjustments since Ive been married but not fundemental changes about who I am or what Im really like.
The thing is that my wife saw worth in me that no one had seen (or at least no one had told me they say me this way) and she has taught me to see worth in myself. Not because of my ability to change. Just because Im me.
The thing is that you have far more worth than that person who talked to you said you had and far more worth than anyone says that descibes you that way. I hope you know that.

Yeah! You certainly are a REAL Man

... but maybe your personality is alien to some senile ppl (this is an offense song)

Sorry, I spelled something wrong. I meant I certainly "can't" give you a neat picture of what people want, like, or dislike. The last time I wrote "can" when I meant "cant". The reason of course that I "cant" do this is because I dont really know. Im just relating my experience which is all I can ever really do.

Yes you are right. She may have had a problem that day and she is nasty and horrible. She knew I was immature where these things were concerned and it didn't take much for her to get me to tell her all these negative things about myself. Its true that I am immature where close relationships are concerned and I stick with my parents because its security and protection. I shouldn't be telling people about this because it does make me look weak and childish and a loser. It is AS that causes this it makes knowing when to tell the truth is going to be the right thing to do and once I've told truths like I have I continue being seen as weak and worthless. It is all very complicated.

Yes, you are a "real" man.

And she's a real ***.  

BTW, it's very accepted in many cultures (a lot of Europe, for example) for adult children to still live with their parents....doing this does NOT make you "immature" or "a loser."

No I beg to differ, it's not complicated at all, it's just difficult. I sense that you enjoy playing the victim and try to pass blame for what is happening to you. Take responsibility for your life and go down to the book store and the library and get all the books you can find on being assertive. Study them relentlessly. Learn how to respond in a way that will lead you to a positive outcome as often as possible.

You may not be able to change the fact that you have AS, but you can change your attitude and make some deliberate improvements to your interactions with other people and therefore also your life. The fact that you are on here posting about this situation shows that you have it in you already. You are already trying to take steps towards greater understanding and a better life. You can do it man.

you said, "women are not attracted to men they percieve as weak, and can be rather hurtful...".

i did not say a mommy relationship. by "maternal" (originally in quotations for this reason) i was referring to the tendency for many people, not just women, to be attracted to and feel protective of another person's weaknesses or foibles.

many women, including me, find the idea of a MAN (uppercase emphasis yours) very unattractive. my mother has been happily married to a lowercase man for 21 years. why is being different not masculine? it takes great courage to be different.

i would be interested to know what your definition of a "MAN" is.

*examines Michal's genes*

X... Y... Yep, you're a man.

(In other words, being a man is a fact. What it means to you is opinion. And people have no right to try to tell you you're "not a real man" just because you're who you are.)

There seems to be a connection between the 'Male brain theory and women' thread and the 'Am I a real man?' thread (an interweaving of threads as it were).

They both appear to deal with gender issues:

Some aspie women on the 'Male brain theory and women' thread have suggested that because they're 'not stereotypically female' and 'always wear flat shoes and very rarely wear make-up' they're somehow less feminine than average.

While on the 'Am I a real man?' thread an aspie man suggests that people perceive him as less masculine than average, because of not having a girlfriend and living with his parents.

As an aspie male I can relate to this. Even up until the birth of my first child my brother says he thought I was gay. At school I was called gay, as a bullying tactic. (As it happens I'm not:- but even if I were I wouldn’t see being called gay as particularly insulting). But I've never really been interested in the usual male activities like football and cars.

Interestingly enough there does appear to be some crossover of masculine and feminine characteristics among the aspies of this website. The AFF guys appear to be more introspective and sensitive than average. While the women are interested in science and technology (traditionally male obsessions).

This undermines the 'male brain theory' for Aspergers. There appears to be more of a blending of male-female gender traits rather than a heightening of male traits as is suggested by this theory.  

Perhaps its time we redefined what it means to male and female. Maybe this blending of gender traits means that male and female aspies can actually cooperate and meet each other as equals (in a way NTs cannot)

An end to 'the battle of the sexes?'

Michael1…that women had no right to comment on your personal life. She's the one with the problem not you.

you said, "women are not attracted to men they percieve as weak, and can be rather hurtful...".

i did not say a mommy relationship. by "maternal" (originally in quotations for this reason) i was referring to the tendency for many people, not just women, to be attracted to
and feel protective of another person's weaknesses or foibles.

many women, including me, find the idea of a MAN (uppercase emphasis yours) very unattractive. my mother has been happily married to a lowercase man for 21 years. why is being
different not masculine? it takes great courage to be different.

i would be interested to know what your definition of a "MAN" is.


Ok I apologise, "most" and I say most (because it's too dificult to determine the exact number of NT women) find a real MAN attractive. They may not be able to put it into words but it is absolute fact. To be honest I have no idea what AS women find attractive in men so I won't talk about it, you tell me please.

According to their value system a real man who is attractive has the following qualities to name a few:

Confidence
Is taller than her
Walks on the outside of the kerb when they are walking together (protective and self sacrificial)
Opens doors for her
Has high social status
Has the ability to say "no" once in a while

Now please understand these are only a few examples and I am not trying to say if a guy has only one or two of these that no woman will ever love him. There are DEGREES of love. I have put a lot of research into this so I'm not just talking out of my ring piece.

Now let's have a look at your points:



i did not say a mommy relationship. by "maternal" (originally in quotations for this reason) i was referring to the tendency for many people, not just women, to be attracted to
and feel protective of another person's weaknesses or foibles.

Yes, possible. Is this referring to the majority of women in the world? No.

many women, including me, find the idea of a MAN (uppercase emphasis yours) very unattractive. my mother has been happily married to a lowercase man for 21 years.
I can understand why that may be as a woman with AS, though like I said, you can elaborate here for my sake.

why is being different not masculine? it takes great courage to be different.

I like this one. It's not masculine because...well... it's not masculine. If you are different from masculine then what does that make you? Not masculine. It takes courage to be different, so like not being masculine right? Being masculine takes courage! If you are referring to a different kind of AS masculinity according to your value system then how does this take courage? You have AS and therefore you are different. Courage is irrelevant here.

Excuse the formatting I have no edit button.

Some people can bring meaness to such a fine art that the greatest stage performers in the world could go uncontious. Some bullies really have awsome skill when it comes to being stupid and mean at the same time.

I have been there many times. How is it not very hard to hold back your natural defense mode against a talented verbal assault? What I truely hate very deeply, is that some bullies will be mean to someone till they literaly loose their ability to hold their naturaly defenses. Then the original victim gets jailed, fired, shot, or whatever horrible thing they dont really diserve, all because some demon in human skin decided to have fun with them. I really, really hate that, and I hope you're not having to go through something that unbearable.