A colleague keeps telling me my lack of eye contact is due to lack of confidence. She believe she knows so much about asperger's from working with adults in care homes with asperger's that I do not have it.  I have plenty of confidence but have trouble communicating it.  The same person said to me I'd eat my hat if you have asperger's what is your obessession I know a girl who had to buy a hat and a coat every saturday, laughed when I said music.  

I am using the eye contact as an example of how people are trying to fix my behaviour that cannot be fixed by suggesting stupid reason's for it.

Is there any scientific or logical explanation for the eye contact.  I often feel pained to try and give eye contact, its something I cannot control naturally have to think about it too much.

If I am confortable with someone and trusting in them it naturally improves, I have no trouble giving aniamls eye contact or my service users, except for my autistic service user as he stairs at me bless him its good cause he does not like people staring at him!  

If I was trusting with someone and something changed my eye contact will get worst, to the point where I may even look at the floor or talk with my back to them.  

I have noticed in my client he gives little head buts once he knows you and feels comfortable with you, does it often when he is relaxed kind of a nice thing, he smiles its kind of his way to hug.  

Any ideas this has kind of bugged me, I guess I want the answer to the no your eye contact is just lack of confidence as you can see where this is come from.  Lets find reasons for her behviour, had a bad life (er no not really), lack of common sense, low self esteem (had it knocked but just got it back), nervous tics - just being northern.  They won't except it until I get diagnosed, I have excepted it this is who I am.  Its just proving it enough to be diagnosed officially.

Some studies suggest that Autistic individuals may avoid eye contact because it overstimulates the part of the brain that processes fear and emotion.
I sometimes have eye contact with people I am familiar with. I generally avoid eye contact unless I make a conscious effort to look in someones eyes. It makes me feel vaguely uncomfortable. I am not sure why.

I don't give eye contact because it gives me a strange feeling of uncomfortability and gives me thoughts that I should look away. I can give eye contact but only if I force myself.
Plus I cannot see the point in it, since I don't get anything from it. As far as I am concerned it adds nothing to the communication. I would much rather look at their mouth since it doesn't produce odd feelings and I can tell what they are saying better.

I only make eye contact with people for job interviews and briefly with strangers in a conversation just to "appear polite".  Even people in my family, I do not need eye contact with them.  People I know less well, I will look at their mouth to "appear polite" and to "show that I am listening".  - actually looking at their face has nothing to do with whether I really am being polite and listening to them.  

Eye contact just freaks me out.  -But I am good at conquering my fears.

I've studied this in myself.

It seems that I can't process the emotional signals coming from the other person's eyes AND the meaning of his words at the same time. It's actually painful. Can do one or the other, but not both. So there's a tendency to process the words only and look away from the eyes.

Seems that it may be a monochannel versus multichannel issue.

What works for me is to:
1. Take my eyeglasses off when talking one on one closeup.
2. Not force eye contact, but just go on automatic. I usually go between the eyes and the mouth, switching back and forth.

I agree that the appearance of lacking self confidence is very deceptive, as many of us Aspies are not as "shy" as we appear.

I don't see the point of eye contact. This is something I've been told to do since I was very young, "look at me when I'm talking to you". I used to get in trouble in school for not paying attention, when in reality I could pay better attention if I didn't give eye contact. So, although it is something that does not come naturally for me, I still have to continually force myself to look someone in the eye when I talk to them.

I have an uncanny ability to pick up on a person's tone of voice, how they react, what they say and what they do not say to accertain there moods, whether they want to talk to me.  It hurts when I make an attempt and they walk away and give one word answers.  I can tell if someone is annoyed with me, sometimes without reason.  With one person that hurt like hell.  When he found out I could be aspie he changed and was nice to me.  Helped me the most then, say hello to me when I walked in the room.  I hope that continues when I go back to work.  I lost some people in my life, a lot I could not careless bar one person.  That is his loss.

Because we don't give a damn. That's my explanation.

Actually, when I try to keep focus on one thing, whether it be the eyes or something else, for too long, I feel awkward and feel that I need to stare at something else for a few seconds. To at least imitate eye contact, I constantly switch between the features of the face. When I have to give a long explanation about something, I don't stare at the person at all. If I keep my instinct mind unconscious about the fact that a human is staring at me, it is easier for me to concentrate on what I'm saying.

When I was little, people would keep telling me to look at them. Annoyed, I would bring up my gaze (usually I stared at something on the desk/table/thing right in front of me) for a few seconds, then drop it again. Sometimes, when I'm giving an explanation, the other person (usually a teacher or social worker) might interrupt and say, "Look at me while you're speaking, please." Then I lose my train of thought and get angry because I was thrown off.

I don't see what is so important about eye contact. It's just so distracting, and breaks my chain of thought.

Agreed!  I hate when people keep pushing you to make eye contact.  I always felt like telling them )but I didn't) that I didn't want to look at them because they were ugly, or I didn't like them.

The obsession with eye contact is a cultural issue. Some cultures actively discourage it!

In the animal kingdom, it means that you are spoiling for a fight.

In my opinion, if NTs want us to look them in the eye, the chances are they are looking for fear in ours.

Zed

Nowadays I do look more at people when theyre speaking to me than before,  but once i start speaking my eyes fly all over the place except the person im talking to.

Yeah the other day i was talking to a friend over my queries abt my diagnosis, although i didnt tell her what it was, and I asked her to guess for herself what it could possibly be. she went trhough the list of stuff (dyslexia, dyspraxia etc, she herself is very dyslexic and has huge hypersensitivities) and she said "You definitely don't have Aspergers"
which is fine considering that i am the one having doubts myself but... well she has a bit of a stereotyped definition
to her aspergers is
--- very smart
--- very good in science and maths usually
--- some are good in art, but few
--- usually very poor in language
--- either they are very trusting or they dont trust anyone at all

Can't think of a username

I have the same issue not with my close friends, 2 here where I live, 2 I have known since a child/college (the later see it more because they have known me for so long and one of them even sees it in himself).  The stereotyped image you are referring to I get from one or two colleagues that work in learning dis one worked with asperger's with those stereotyped.  The other more concerning has been one particular doctor and pychiatrist concerning because they have treated me as mentally ill and it has had disasterous effects.  Now I am off all meds, alcolhol and cannabis I am doing much better.  I am also following a strict healthy diet and going with the flow.  

I spoke to a lady I know from a slimming world group I used to go to who is a retired social worker.  She confirmed there are a lot of people with catatonia in mental hospitals due to the massive cocktails of drugs they are on.  She also agreed that there are different severities of Asperger's just as there is with Down Syndrome.  No one person is the same, regardless of there diagnosis, be it learning disability, Mental health or 'Normal'.  The stereo types are true, it has affected the diagnostic criteria.  You get that stereotype from only meeting the worse case senerio's, especially in adults with learning disability.  Learning is a learnt skill it does not come naturally.  

I think with some of these people it is quite scary as we appear very 'normal' with some issues, I think it challenges there own concept of what is normal as it should do, I have always felt different but have aimed to please tried to fit in all my life to some degree (more so after I left primary school).  

As a kid I had trouble making friends girls as a child, but I had a lot of cousin's and did not have to worry so much always had someone to play with.  Also where I am from we do not talk to children like 'babies' go ga gah gah.  We speak properly.  My mum picked up on my language delay at 2 years old, as a midwife and possible aspie she was very observant of development.  Knowing her brother did not talk until 5 (also possible to have triats).  The doctor recommended I be put in nursery at 2 and my speech developed quickly.  My mum would not have put me in nursery at that age if it was not for language delay.  Not knowing about autism back them, but knowing now she recognises the early signs from birth.

I just feel hugely uncomfortable msking eye contact. I'd get as much pleasure staring at the sun.

Dx'd about four years ago at age 66----always had a strange feeling that maybe people could read my innermost thoughts if I made eye contact. A lttle paranoid maybe.  I look at people's mouths.  I can, if necessary, tell them that I am a little hard of hearing and am trying to learn how to read lips.
My parents used to think I was lying to them-- I especially hated it when they said, "Look me right in the eye and say that"
It strikes me funny now, but before I was diagnosed, I was once gently chided by a Navajo woman who told me that it was O.K. to make eye contact with  her or any other Navajo person because eye contact is not a taboo with Navajo people.

I agree with Zed. I have two dogs, and staring is definitely aggressive.