I think it also gets back to how the information is conveyed. It's possible to say a person could do something in a different way that would be more effective without making it sound as if they are wrong and stupid but I don't always know the best way of putting it.

I think the reason I have trouble accepting criticism is what my parenter calls "binary" thinking. I have to be perfect. But clearly I make mistakes. Particularly if it is something I base my sense of self (ego) on ...like my school grades or my work. If I didn't get a perfect grade I am worthless. If someone finds a mistake in my work, then my world is turned upside down because it drastically changed my self image or the image I thought I was projecting.

Praise me at work and I am a genius.  Point out a mistake and I am shamed, crushed and an incompetent loser.  I'm also angry.

For me, part of the problem is "black & white" thinking. And to a person who feels the World Is Ending when they are confronted by a change, that's a rough ride. I was also intolerant of others mistakes.

The most helpful thing has been for me to see likable people at work make mistakes then humbly admit it and joke about it. Such as "I fat fingered it and had to start over." Or saying "DOH!" in a Homer voice.  This helped me see that it is part of the ordinary office environment that people make mistakes, not the end of the world. They accept they screwed up with a sense of humor then correct it. Much easier to work with than people who fall apart or who lash out blaming others.

Well, if I had a missing twin, I just found her.  

And the same. The psychologist at the uni I go to is working through this problem with me. I got 99% for a calculus unit and I still thought I failed because I didn't get 100% and got a meltdown. I even got bonus marks in one physics experiment writeup (120%) and thought I had failed. Its very slow progress as there is an awfull lot to undo. In the end I suspect nothing will change.

Oh, I'm not that much of a perfectionist but do have high standards for myself and others generally and it's really difficult to get out of that mindset even though if I did, I'd most likely be a happier person. All the same, I think it's important to have some standards in life. Otherwise, if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

Uh... yeah.  There were a few courses in college that I took a second time.  Not because I didn't make an A, but because I missed ONE of the questions during the course.  (I have a difficult time trying to figure out which way the questions are meant.) I felt I had to do the entire course over to do it "right" or I “failed”.

At it's worst... I withdrew mid term from some classes because I was terrified that I wouldn't get a perfect score and I'd rather drop out than see a “bad” grade.  I was ashamed that it might be somehow “cheating”.  A hospital removed part of my digestive tract which self destructed that year.  I graduated... but imperfectly.

Oh for an edit button to hide my typing flaws.  Aw screw it!!

I am also curious... are there more of you sensitive to criticism or reactions of others like this? My psych said that my sensitivity to criticism is a contra-indication to autism. eg proof of not being autistic... could this be true or is she just old-fashioned in her criteria?!?
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Thank you very much for such a sincere description of how you feel about criticism! It made so much clear for me.

I have noticed quite out-proportional reactions to criticism in my boyfriend and couldn't figure what makes him jump, when I make a comment about the slightest things, even just as a joke. We could be in the best of moods and I'd say something absolutely harmless, that came to my mind (as I speak quicker, than think sometimes ) and the mood is destroyed for hours. He goes on about it, until he finds something bad to say about me (however it doesn't really bother me), or lists a number of good things about him, that beat the one "bad".

I often wondered, what is behind it. Your post really helped me, to understand better and be more careful next time.

This response was to: crna_kuna's post on the first page (I haven't quite figured out, how to make this work yet, apologies)

and I forgot to say, that I think the specialist is indeed "old fashioned" in thinking overreaction to criticism is not connected to autism.

Yes, I do too. Most Aspies are very sensitive to even implied criticism.

Yep. That is why my friend was furious with me. That and I damaged his ego.

Capricorn

Mind you - I think it needed a bit of a dent.

Yes, Pakrat. He has a massive ego and often gives an impression of being arrogant. I don't know if that is to compensate for his lack of confidence in other areas, though.

I was talking to a mutual friend about him last night. The mutual friend is tired of him b/c he is ignoring him too. It seems that since I fell out with my friend, he hasn't been replying to mails from any of our mutual friends either, even though they didn't mention me in their mails. The mutual friend said "He's running away from everything and trying to hide. I don't know what advice to give you about him, because I have never known anyone behave even remotely similar to this in my whole life. But whatever you do you have far more patience than me, because I have had enough of him and as of today he is deleted from my mail, etc."

My friend disappeared from FB for ten days after I sent him the last inbox. I think he panicked again and ran away. He is back now. Maybe he was relieved to find no more inboxes from me when he returned and so now he feels it is safe to return and I won't inundate him with inboxes. I also hear on the grapevine that things may not be good with the girlfriend again. She is telling her friends that she is depressed, but won't say about what. 9 times out of 10 in the past he has been the cause. I think he is concentrating so much on job hunting that he is ignoring her. That may also be a factor in why he hasn't contacted me either.

How are you getting on with your friend's disappearance? I hope you are feeling better about it now.

Capricorn