It's certainly a worry. Mind you, mum used to carry a wooden spoon with her when I was little and we were out and I think she only had to use it once.

Wow! Go DW! Go DW!...why is saying this starting to remind me of the cartoon Darkwing Duck? j/k :lol:

the problem with the 11 year old boy, I think, is asperger's combined with adolescence.  I remember when I was younger, I used to go CRAZY over frustration with growing up.  Girls were especially frustrating because not only was I changing and had no idea what the world was like, but they were changing and some of them were getting bitchy.  So that made them even more complex.

I never understood why boys acted so silly and teased and tormented the girls that they liked.  I thought they did it because they didn't like me and got insulted and withdrew even further into my shell.

It seems to be an "any publicity is good publicity" type of attention-getting thing.  But I was like you.  I would just get upset and try to avoid them even more. It seems as if I spent my entire education attempting to avoid everybody!  
Alison

Yeah, me too and now I look back on all the wasted opportunities (I don't so much mean the boys) but just in general.

I *am* an aspie, and had a bad time during my teens. First of all, on top of Aspergers a mood disorder, bipolar, emerged at that time and wasn't treated. Secondly, school got harder, peer pressure (which I never gave into) drove me crazy, the high school was huge (I hate crowds) and I started cutting class and hanging with some not-so-nice kids. Fortunately, my morals, which I refuse to compromise, forbade me from drugs or early sex, but I did throw some pretty wild tantrums. The more my parents would try to calm me, the more I couldn't. It was best to leave me alone so I could calm myself or they'd escalate. I don't know what was the Aspergers and what was the bipolar, or if it was both. I continued to have unstable moods and tantrums into adulthood until I started medication...for me it's Paxil and Klonopin, which work miracles for my moods. I have no meltdowns anymore. Make sure your child is not experiencing a co-morbid condition. I know it's easier to get a diagnosis of co-morbids in the US than in some other places. I'm not thrilled with everything our country does, but I like our mental healthcare system more than any other countries because we can at least pick and choose our own professionals. And they are not afraid to give us honest labels, such as bipolar, when we are still teens. Without my meds, I'd probably not be able to live in society. It is NOT this way for all or most Aspies though. But it's MY reality.

I don't know if it's much point just grounding a child for cursing. Children often swear because they hear others doing it and then they think they are "cool" and "tough".

It isn't normal for kids to have tantrums that go for a day so some medical help is needed and maybe some medication to calm him down a bit.

If kids got grounded for cursing, just about every child in existence would be grounded!

Consider Depression or Bipolar Disorder? Both usually involve great violence.

Do you & your husband argue constantly? He might be doing this stuff out of stress & angxiety.

One of the other problems is that your husband said 'Kill yourself if you want to do it,' when he was threatened with a knife.
That is a very bad idea. That's one way to make depression worse (if this is depression). Even if this isn't depression by itself, saying that will really worp someone's self-esteem.

Either way, I'm not trying to make you or your husband out to be bad parents. I'm just stating facts.

Plus, Aspies often take comments very literally. I think the husband would feel dreadful if his son followed his suggestion (even though it wasn't meant to be taken literally).

yeah.. got about halfway through and couldnt finish... yet.. but.. a comment about the suffering thing..

I really think any suffering I or any other Aspie go through is a direct or indirect result of everyone else's reactions to us and actions against us. Everyone else being your typical non understanding individual espcially ones inclined toward bullying or whatever..

It also doesn't help when one of your parents refuses to even acknowledge that anything might be 'wrong' with you, well.. at least 'wrong' as far as the norm is considered. I mean I am different, and ignoring it doesn't make it go away. Actually he almost called the police on me once because I was crying in his house, long story but I think after that he finally realized that he had to be a bit more understanding with me.

And yeah.. sorry.. I tend to go off on tangents...

I used to have all kinds of problems in high school and i still have problems controlling my emotions when I get very upset, I bang my desk or something. But I used to be worse.. but it didn't help that the school didn't want to deal with me and just stuck me in special education classes and stuff. I got sent to alternative school too.. which I actually liked it better... except for the tie... but I talked them into me staying there and not wearing a tie and that helped some, once I got more stablized, alot thanks to the teacher there, I went back to regular school for the last year. But it was never easy, and all of the 'suffering' was due to all this social stuff and other peoples reactions to me... however I found a few good friends that helped and I have one that helped me since middle school, it makes a difference, because feeling completely alone is practically unbearable, and i could see how some people could become detached and after enough lead to one of those shooting possibly... but its the people around them's fault... maybe not all of them, but several of them.

Sorry just random babble.. and no im not a psyco and im not even really violent.. i was just typing out a through trail my brain was on.

yeah ok.. I'm going to stop typing now or we'll be here all night... er. day.. er.. whatever.

Some meltdowns are caused by authority people forcing things upon Aspies even when they have been told by the people themselves that they will get upset about it. This has happened to me at work, and maybe a couple of times in school.

For instance, I was told I wasn't allowed to talk any more to a case officer who was helping with a return to work programme. I was very upset as he had been very helpful and we seemed to have established a good rapport. Anyway, I begged them not to make me hear him say goodbye over the phone. I told everybody concerned that I'd prefer the goodbye in writing. But no, they thought that would be too "cold and impersonal". I didn't think so, as I could have kept a copy of the e-mail.

Anyway, my director took the attitude I just had to "suck it up", and so I was pressured by various people to go to this phone hook-up and when told I wasn't allowed to talk to him any more, went ballistic and punched a hole in the wall with the top of my head. I'm usually a non-violent person and was not going to attack anybody in the room.

So, it can be the case that even when we have enough self-knowledge to know what is liable to trigger us off and when there are viable alternatives for authority figures to take, they still have to follow their preconceived notions and then trouble results.

I'm pretty sure if I were in your shoes I'd make a very quick trip to the doctor to see if there was some kind of physical problem, then next to the psychiatrist for some immediate serious professional help.  

It's obvious how much you love your son.  But I think the violence has escalated too far and you need to get professional help.  

If nothing else, get some counseling for yourself so you can learn how to deal with this in a calm and helpful way.

Good luck--I'm really hoping you get some good results pretty soon.

PS My AS son loves ju jitsu and has now started to take boxing lessons.  Would your son enjoy something like this?

I was punished for this behaviour as a kid and I didn't think it was fair lookng back. I couldn't help myself.........this will eventually grow out of the child as he grows.