So I have a job as a nanny for kids.  They are supposed to brush their teeth, do their homework, eat their food etc.   I hate nagging but they just won't do what they are supposed to.  They are really old enough to be responsible only the parents do not seem to have any consequences for them not doing what they are supposed to do or any consequences for misbehaving.  They do not have any chores.  

Should I buy a treat or play an extra game with them for example doing a whole week where they are getting ready for school without nagging?  My husband says if the parents do not do that and I start doing that, probably I will get fired.

I have one nanny friend who told me that rich people are lazy and like to be pampered so yeah they will expect that you wait on their kids as well.  

So is the problem that I have a different view of parenting here and maybe I should just shut up and mind my own business.  

So how do you check that kids are brushing their teeth other than feeling if their toothbrush is dry?  I really do care if they brush their teeth properly.  Should I stand there and wait them brush.  I do not feel that I can trust them to truthfully tell me that they brushed their teeth.

If you like your job, try to put up with it.

I cant see where watching them brush their teeth is a bad thing

Shows them that someone is watching and teaches them that someone does care if they do it right

I use a chore chart with my kids.  It is just a simple checklist.  If they get a certain number of checks a day, they can earn a prize from the treasure box.  We don't do it consistently to be honest, I usually only pull out the treasure box when they're getting lax about their routine.  Otherwise, I'll just reward them on Friday or over the weekend with a treat for a good week.  I do keep the list posted so that they have a reminder, and I use visuals - little square pictures - for youngest who cannot yet read.  

I would just ask the parents if you can give them some treats for good behavior.  Honestly, if I were their mother I'd be thrilled to hear that someone was willing to tackle their behaviors and hygiene habits.

I sometimes tell my son that if he doesn't brush his teeth or shower properly by himself then I am going to have to brush his teeth for him or wash him like a baby. Maybe not great parenting, but it works.

That's good, as long as you're willing to follow through with it. Over a decade of teaching martial arts to kids has taught me that you never threaten to do anything that you aren't willing to do.

A slap upside my head, always caused me to pay attention to my parents. Course that was in the 1950`s

I feel it's best not to stress about the small stuff.  I'm also big on personal responsibility.  Explain to them that if they don't brush their teeth regularly they will eventually develop cavities and need to visit the dentist, with all of the drilling and unpleasantness that entails.  If they still don't brush after that, well, it's their teeth.  

Same with getting ready for school, etc. It they're consistently late because they didn't get ready then it's their problem.  Make sure they know that, and that you are always ready to go, it's just them that are holding things up.  If they forget stuff, remind them once and then leave it alone.  You've done your job and nagging is not a part of it.  If they still aren't responsible enough to be organized then they need to take the consequences.  

I remember one little boy I had in preschool were was always climbing up onto the heater ledge by the window so he could look out.  He knew he wasn't supposed to do it, and I told him repeatedly not to.  He'd wait until my back was turned and do it again.  Then one day he fell off.  I checked him over (he had scraped his knee when he fell and it bled a little) bandaged his knee and wrote a report.  But I gave him very little sympathy and said that he had done the wrong thing, the thing I'd told him not to, and he had nobody but himself to blame.  He never did it again.  Sometimes letting them take the consequences of their own silly actions is the best reminder not to do something.
Alison

Probably what I would do as a parent BUT I am being paid to be a nanny.  It is my job to make sure that the kids get on the school bus with everything they need for the day.  If they forget their lunch or are not dressed for the weather - it will be my job that is the consequence.  

The mother tends to treat them like toddlers cutting up their food into small bits, brushing their teeth for them at night.  Not good at all but I do not know if I can say anything about it.  

The kids have no idea about personal responsibility at all.  

I think that I might ask about giving treats for good behaviour only they get treats in their lunch for no reason and toys all the time.  So really what is the incentive?

The father might be more receptive because he told me that they should eat their vegetables (or at least try one or two bites) or no dessert.  Only the mother does not tell me to give them vegetables for dinner.  I am giving them fruit now whether they want it or not and sometimes they eat it.  Otherwise they eat only sandwiches or desserts.

Oh, veggie are tough.  Oldest has a hard time with it.  When he was younger, I'd just put it on his plate, and that was hard enough!  I'd say, "you don't have to eat it, but you must tolerate it on your plate!"   We slowly worked up to a piece, then a spoonful, a few bites, and now he'll eat it all.  But he has severe sensory issues and gags and vomits easily.  

I hope the kids at least take vitamins if they're not eating enough fruits and veggies.  

Tooth brushing is tough, but again, it is different with kids with sensory issues.  Oldest still has a hard time with it.  He is 8 and has just started doing it on his own.  It makes him gag, he is such a trooper about it!

What about computer or game time?  I've used this in the past before.  Maybe specific tasks will earn them so many minutes of game time.  Younger kids get excited about stickers.  If they like chuck e cheese, they can earn one coin for each task.  They could work toward earning so many points for a trip to the zoo, museum, or a movie, but if these are regular activities I don't think it will be very motivating.  It is hard when they're given whatever they want, there's nothing left as a treat!  

I've done all of the aforementioned in the past at different times. Their favorite is chuck e cheese *shudders*.  Not my favorite, but it is motivating!  Just bring earplugs, and whatever you do, DO NOT eat there, you well get a horrible intestinal bug.  

I guess with autistic kids and kids with special needs, they need a lot of extra motivation to behave the way you need them to, particularly when they're young.  Routine and consistency, I couldn't live without them.  It would be chaos.  I look at other families with less structure, and I marvel at how they're able to function.  Many do just fine.  I guess different kids need different things.  

If I were you, I'd make a list of what you see as problem behaviors or habits, put them in order of importance, and tackle one thing at a time.  If you can make slow steady progress without managing to make the kids resent you, that would be ideal.  If you make it fun and praise the heck out of them, they'll enjoy it a bit.  Everyone likes to feel like they've accomplished something.

Ask the parents first.

If you're using reward that cost money, you'll set the stakes too high.
I'd recommend only to encourage them if they're doing the right thing.

About the discipline thing: if the parents thought they'd be able to handle it by themselves, would they have hired a nanny? Of course, you should ask them if this is the case ...

I grew up with the rule that if I don't eat everything on my plate, I don't get any food until whatever the next meal is.

That work fine until you get the hang of throwing up. Only extreme parents force their children to eat that, too.

I did not have choices when it came to what I ate and how much of it.

I think that forcing children to eat more than they want to in return for a reward, or out of fear of punishment, borders on child abuse and sets them up for possible eating disorders later in life. I also freely admit that I possibly do not have a balanced attitude towards this issue.

I love veggies, and so does Lauren.  We are very much meat minimizers in my house, and Vernu is 100 % vegetarian since he lost 14 kilos and reversed his diabetes.  Lauren and I still do eat some meat but vegetables are our main source of food. I can never understand those people who don't like vegetables.  A nice serve of lightly steamed brocolli stem, sliced into julienne with a dob of butter and a sprinkle of sesame seeds, yum!  
Alison