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NT people do not focus on the content of a conversation. They focus on the circumstances of the meeting and act accordingly.
For example: One time someone asked me how I was doing. I was trying to think of a response when I went, "uhhhh..." and looked up at the cieling. In her mind, the circumstances of a person looking up at the cieling mean that they are watching out for lightning. The process one goes through to come to this conclusion is easy for NT's and Baffling to AS's, but the convoluted chain of logic leading to that premise is real, so just take my word for it.
Now then, because people look out for lightning when they don't want to get struck by a heavenly blow, and because lightning is historically a measure of god's wrath, she interpreted my straightforward reaction as a sign that I. It ishad been up to no good and was hoping god would forgive me.
Not surprisingly, she said, "oh, you bad boy!"
This way of thinking can be mastered, but it is difficult and annoying.
You're not supposed to think of an answer, you just say "thank you, and how are you?". It's like the sniffing dogs do when they meet.
If you have to think about an answer, there must be something "off". I've trained myself to always answer instantly (instead of honestly).
You're not supposed to think of an answer, you just say "thank you, and how are you?". It's like the sniffing dogs do when they meet.
If you have to think about an answer, there must be something "off". I've trained myself to always answer instantly (instead of honestly).
That is about the best analogy I have heard to explain small talk.
Not to demean it by comparing it to sniffing dogs (I can't demean something I don't understand!), but it makes sense, like someone is kind of putting feelers out there to figure you out. It is useless to an aspie because, to stick with the analogy, we're like dogs without a sense of smell.
You're not supposed to think of an answer, you just say "thank you, and how are you?". It's like the sniffing dogs do when they meet.
If you have to think about an answer, there must be something "off". I've trained myself to always answer instantly (instead of honestly).
That is about the best analogy I have heard to explain small talk.
Not to demean it by comparing it to sniffing dogs (I can't demean something I don't understand!), but it makes sense, like someone is kind of putting feelers out there to figure you out. It is useless to an aspie because, to stick with the analogy, we're like dogs without a sense of smell.
Or cats.
Friends will let you be who you are. Best friends will never let you forget it. I'm just trying to be everyone's best friend.
So aspies are sight-hounds, and NT's are dobermans?
d_olson27 Wrote:
AspieMomma Wrote:
Shnoing Wrote:
You're not supposed to think of an answer, you just say "thank you, and how are you?". It's like the sniffing dogs do when they meet.
If you have to think about an answer, there must be something "off". I've trained myself to always answer instantly (instead of honestly).
That is about the best analogy I have heard to explain small talk.
Not to demean it by comparing it to sniffing dogs (I can't demean something I don't understand!), but it makes sense, like someone is kind of putting feelers out there to figure you out. It is useless to an aspie because, to stick with the analogy, we're like dogs without a sense of smell.
Or cats.
I am not a cat. Apparently, I am a middle-eastern wolf surrounded by timber wolves.
Brett Erlich Wrote:
Chris Christie is so fat, I was giving a presentation and he ate my pie charts.
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.
NT people do not focus on the content of a conversation. They focus on the circumstances of the meeting and act accordingly.
For example: One time someone asked me how I was doing. I was trying to think of a response when I went, "uhhhh..." and looked up at the cieling. In her mind, the circumstances of a person looking up at the cieling mean that they are watching out for lightning. The process one goes through to come to this conclusion is easy for NT's and Baffling to AS's, but the convoluted chain of logic leading to that premise is real, so just take my word for it.
Now then, because people look out for lightning when they don't want to get struck by a heavenly blow, and because lightning is historically a measure of god's wrath, she interpreted my straightforward reaction as a sign that I. It ishad been up to no good and was hoping god would forgive me.
Not surprisingly, she said, "oh, you bad boy!"
This way of thinking can be mastered, but it is difficult and annoying.
-_- wut?
Red Line 叙事詩 もっとエピック
Actual Date of Joining AFF: Feb 2009
Eamus Catuli [Must we be normal?]
Well, I suppose it was a simile because it used the word "like," but I won't split hairs
Every once in a while something like that will turn on a light bulb for me. Having a textbook explanation of the intricacies of small talk does little to help me to truly understand it. I get how it works, I can even fake it occasionally with varying success, but the motivation for engaging in that kind of behavior is much less clear. Now I have a frame of reference!
You're not supposed to think of an answer, you just say "thank you, and how are you?". It's like the sniffing dogs do when they meet.
If you have to think about an answer, there must be something "off". I've trained myself to always answer instantly (instead of honestly).
That is about the best analogy I have heard to explain small talk.
Not to demean it by comparing it to sniffing dogs (I can't demean something I don't understand!), but it makes sense, like someone is kind of putting feelers out there to figure you out. It is useless to an aspie because, to stick with the analogy, we're like dogs without a sense of smell.
That is so true! The best thing to say in small is the usual things such as thank you etc. and then try to pull up a specific topic so you can get into a legitimate conversation.
...
That is so true! The best thing to say in small is the usual things such as thank you etc. and then try to pull up a specific topic so you can get into a legitimate conversation.
Aren't we cool and awesome, together?
This simile just popped up in my mind when I read the thread - I've never used it before, so thanks to you I put something into words which I sort of felt only subconsciously before.
NT people do not focus on the content of a conversation. They focus on the circumstances of the meeting and act accordingly.
For example: One time someone asked me how I was doing. I was trying to think of a response when I went, "uhhhh..." and looked up at the ceiling. In her mind, the circumstances of a person looking up at the ceiling mean that they are watching out for lightning. The process one goes through to come to this conclusion is easy for NT's and Baffling to AS's, but the convoluted chain of logic leading to that premise is real, so just take my word for it.
Now then, because people look out for lightning when they don't want to get struck by a heavenly blow, and because lightning is historically a measure of god's wrath, she interpreted my straightforward reaction as a sign that I. It ishad been up to no good and was hoping god would forgive me.
Not surprisingly, she said, "oh, you bad boy!"
This way of thinking can be mastered, but it is difficult and annoying.
I did not know ANY of this. That is really weird. How can they function like that?
and the same is true for females with aspergers...If an NT male flirts with me, and I'm answering the question directly...Not knowing it was flirtatious until I analyze it later (If I do at all)
Oh Gosh this is funny as all get out...
Collage Example:
NT Guy: Are you going to eat all of that cottage cheese?
Me: Why, yes I am.
NT Guy: *smile or something I cannot really recall but it was a smile I'm sure*
Me: *Blinking and turning around to get some salad*
NT Guy: Walks off and I sense confusion on his part but do not know why
Recent Example in the CVS drive through:
NT Pharm Tech: I have a surprise for you. *smile* (Not an off smile on his part, but I'm none the less confused)
Me: *Looks at NT Pharm tech with a confused expression*
NT Pharm Tech: Do you know how much your Rx is? *Toothy grin* and not an unattractive one at that actually he was attractive now that I think of it but I was to confused to note it.
Me: Yes its 0 dollars.
NT Pharm Tech: *Frown, as if his balloon was popped*
Me: Expectant look, waiting for him to hand over my medication
NT Pharm Tech: Hands it over and I drive off
Later I face palm...and ask uh, how did I miss that?!
I'll shout it out, Jesus is aglow in me...
This post was last modified: 09-13-2012 05:38 PM by Hannah Capps.
NT Guy: Are you going to eat all of that cottage cheese?
Me: Why, yes I am.
NT Guy: *smile or something I cannot really recall but it was a smile I'm sure*
Me: *Blinking and turning around to get some salad*
NT Guy: Walks off and I sense confusion on his part but do not know why
Recent Example in the CVS drive through:
NT Pharm Tech: I have a surprise for you. *smile* (Not an off smile on his part, but I'm none the less confused)
Me: *Looks at NT Pharm tech with a confused expression*
NT Pharm Tech: Do you know how much your Rx is? *Toothy grin* and not an unattractive one at that actually he was attractive now that I think of it but I was to confused to note it.
Me: Yes its 0 dollars.
NT Pharm Tech: *Frown, as if his balloon was popped*
Me: Expectant look, waiting for him to hand over my medication
NT Pharm Tech: Hands it over and I drive off
Later I face palm...and ask uh, how did I miss that?!
Both of these examples have me completely baffled. In the 'cheese' example, you answered his question so why should he be confused? The pharmacy example is even more mysterious. What was it that you missed that made you 'face palm'? I don't get it.
Could it have been your facial expression? I've noticed that does a lot to people's reactions.
Brett Erlich Wrote:
Chris Christie is so fat, I was giving a presentation and he ate my pie charts.
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.
To Peter A.:
I live a rather (I sometimes add "thank God") isolated life; all
of the NT replies reported above are to me utterly meaningless,
so don't feel like the lone ranger.
Mystified by NT behavior,
kullervo
I say what I mean and I mean what I say. (Ayn Rand)
Enough said.
This post was last modified: 09-14-2012 10:57 AM by kullervo.
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