Having been diagnosed with AS as an adult, is there any merit in disclosing this to my adult children?
Pro:
they may have better understanding of my poor parenting.
Cons:
rocking the boat if we have come this far and things are going well (no I don't really have a boat)
they may to treat me differently to what they have done in the past (they have a pretty good understanding of me)

I was diagnosed in October last year. I have been struggling with this same dilemma. My middle daughter asked me last Christmas "Why are you so awkward?". I wanted to tell her but I couldn't put the right words together. I do not see my AS as a disability but even the chance they would see me as something less hinders me. Being daddy is the best thing i have ever done in life.

I would really like to hear how other fathers have dealt with this.

Mine is still too young to understand so he doesn't know yet. I know my husband will be telling him soon and I know I won't have a problem telling him about his dad's disabilities. I am a mom of course.

Bear in mind these people aleady know who you are and what you're like. They simply don't have a word for it.

Thank you for not only making a good point but also a good way of telling them that little changes.

Luckily my daughter is just as AS as I am.  We understand each other pretty well.  But I've got three younger sisters, and two of them got a bit weirded out when I told them about my dx.  One refused to believe it at first, the other went over the top in hugging and trying to let me know that she "still loved me just the same" as if I'd confessed to having an uncontrollable urge to eat kittens at breakfast.   My mum was cool with it, just saying that it explained a lot.   My sisters are okay now, once they discovered I was just the same person they'd grown up with and understood me in terms of idiosyncracies, it was fine again.  
Alison

My step-mother will never beleive that my (paternal) grandfather had Asperger Syndrome.  Why?  Simply because he married (stayed married) and raised a family.

I'm convinced my Asperger id comes from my paternal grandfather and prior generations.  In my extended family, it is on my father's side where certain members have Asperger characteristics.

My grandfather was a quiet, stoic, "unemotional" kind of person.  Well, he was very emotional; he just kept his feelings inside.  My grandmother understood him and his core being very well and would defend him if anybody talked judgmental about him (being carefree, aloof, etc.).  My grandfather suffered alot of things typical of Aspies such as being taken advantage of.  One think very unaspie about him is that he was photogenic.

My stepbrother; who majored in psychology; once said people are afraid of those who are different from them.  I think in the dating arena, this premise is highly amplified.  Hence it is very difficult for Aspie men to get dates.  Often a women an Aspie guy might be trying to court or get friendly with will think there's "something wrong" with this guy because of the way he talks or is unably to exhibit subtle, nuanced body language.

Photogenic as in aesthetically-pleasing?  I think a lot of us have that.  I've found over the years that children with AS will often exhibit the most beautiful facial features, with big eyes, small mouths, and little heart-shaped faces with high foreheads.  Not for us the heavy jaws and grotesquely muscular frames of those destined to become footballers later in life!  

I feel it's mainly because of dyspraxia and lack of physical coodination skills that people often think we're not photogenic.  But watch one of us engrossed in our special interests, and right away you can see the difference, be it the tiny, tightly-controlled movements needed in detailed drawings, or the exact placement of fingers in playing a musical instrument, or even spinning the wheels of a toy car to watch the reflections made by the patterns.  Suddenly we're transformed by the experience.  I've seen it too often with AS children to doubt it.  In our own environment, we are incredibly beautiful.  
Alison

This post was last modified: 07-14-2012 03:30 AM by Alison.

So true about what you said.

First, what I meant about my grandfather being photogenic, I meant that he always had this uniquely, distinct charming kind of expression on his face whenever he posed for the camera.  This is in contrast to the typical "Aspie patina" (myself included) of a serious, up-tight, kind-of-nervous looking face.

Whenever I pose for the camera and I'm concious about smiling, my photos come out lousy.  Usually whoever is taking the picture has to say something that makes my begin to laugh in order to get a good shot.

My 15-year-old Aspie nephew is the same way.  Growing up, in most of his portraits, he has the slightly-nervous, serious, up-tight kind of face.  My twin niece and nephew (his cousins born in the same year) were once commenting about him and kind of making fun of him the way he smiles for pictures (one Christmas when he had not yet arrived).

On TV last Sunday, I watched a program about on-line dating.  It went on to say that those people who aren't photogenic have little chance of getting dates.

I'm used to life alone.  So often lately I'm just in a bad mood; living a sense of despair (about my love life).  But I have the potential to be a happy person.  There are certain things I'm otherwise fascinated with and can take great enthusiasm in when I'm feeling OK (a.k.a. "special interests").  Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror when I'm in a silly mood or in a not-utterly-miserable mood and see my face and myself smile.  I ask myself if someday that side of me might be special to some special woman.  In such a scenario, I could be my "ideal self" and thrive emotionally (as opposed to being dateless and yet want to be dating somebody).

My Aspie nephew is a very quiet kid.  There have been times I've seen him really depressed.  Now at 15; he doesn't have any true friends outside of sports activities or school.  He's into sports and could very well become a sports statistician.  He plays on baseball, football and pool teams.  Yet he doesn't have friendships outside of the school or sports team arena.

I'm given my Aspie nephew certain gifts and felt good when I could see his eyes light up.

About the classic image of a kid "wasting his time" spinning the wheel of a toy car, he's probably not wasting his time at all.  It's this kind of thing that led me to learn how to repair 8-track tapes.  I remember when I was 6 my father was mad at me because I spent all one Sunday afternoon just staring at his new Sanyo analog digital clock to watch the second, minute and hour number wheels turn (like an analog odometer).  That "idle" activity stimulated my but to my father I was "wasting time".

Yeah, I've always wondered about that phrase "wasting time".  Surely any activity that is enjoyable and hurting nobody is not wasted?  I've just wasted most of the morning sleeping in   Yet it was lovely and relaxing and I'm on holidays, so why not?  
Alison

This post was last modified: 07-15-2012 03:36 AM by Alison.