I am really tired of my spoiled brat niece.  She is going to be 4 soon.  I am hearing this from other people too.  They do not want her in their home.  She does not listen to adults even her parents.  She has never been taught to listen, obey or consider other people.  

My husband tells me that I should give parenting advice since it is unwelcome.  I am really tired of this child ruining every family gathering and party as she is always invited along with everyone else's children.  

What should I do besides leave when I can't stand it anymore?

This post was last modified: 07-04-2012 03:08 PM by M.

I can totally sympathise M, my nephews (4&6) are a couple of spoiled nightmares who ruin every occassion with their demands for attention. They wont even let my daughter talk to her Grandma when they're around. The eldest actually stands in front of her and shouts "No, me Grandma, dont talk to Millie".
The only advice I can offer is to shut her out when you see her. I completely ignore my nephews unless they talk to me nicely and politely. I go deaf unless they speak and behave nicely. It's working slowly, they've realised I am a complete no-go unless they act properly. And if they are mean to or hurt my daughter, or cause havoc in my house, I tell them off. Simple as that. And I consider that I am entitled to do that if they misbehave on MY territory or to MY children.

^sounds like good advice.. get others to cooperate with you M

I say do not shut a 4 year old out.  Yes we all know some spoiled kids but can hardly blame the child - kill the kid (so to speak) with kindness and politeness - teach by actions - it may actually rub off.  My one cousin was never told anything, or taught - it turns out she was watching how her aunt (my mom) corrected us (and her) when she was suppsoed to - politely and clearly - no yelling.  SHe  may have ignored my mom. but when she got older all of a sudden she remembered and she was VERY polite and good-- she was watching.., she is a VERY good mother... polite kids etc.,

besides, you can nicely say - like if your niece is breaking something in someone else's house, " oh dear, please do not do x, y, z, it isn't right dearie - or I know you are only 4 honey, but no one is allowed to do that.. - if she does not listen, at least you said something... if it is not your house, you merely can say what you want and walk away... if she is doing something dangerous, tell the person whose house it is, that you asked the girl to stop doing something dangerous but she did not, it is up to them (to tell the childs mother) to intervene....

I do sympathize - but just know it is a losing battle if you are the only one...

I have a neice like that.  But she usually acts well when she comes to my house, because early on I taught her that in my house it is my rules.  If she doesn't respect that, she's welcome to go outside and sit in her parent's car while they visit.  The result is that whenever she comes here, she doesn't act up, after one morning when I did, indeed, make her go out and sit in the car (she sat in the yard and was bored instead.)  She's a little NT brat, but it's amazing how well she can act when she wants anything.  
Alison

This post was last modified: 07-09-2012 02:36 AM by Alison.

My nephew is the same way. He and my sister stayed at our house for the first half of 2011 and it was torture. I just tried to stay away from him as much as possible and drown out his pathetic screams with music.

Aaah, "killing" my nephews with kindness and politeness didn't work, they made the assumption they could then have what they wanted when they wanted when they came to visit, it actually made their behaviour worse. I'd tried all the polite, nice routes such as asking them nicely not to break my stuff but I was met with "I'll smash it if I want to" so now I'm afraid, in my home it's my way or the doorway.

Windy is right. Children do not learn from being punished, they learn by example. Be polite and fair and reasonable, maybe the child will see you as a good role model. I've seen kids who were monsters as children grow up to be really hard working, decent and responsible and honest adults. Not because they were kept on a short leash as children, but because they had good role models.

All children are not the same.

When you've met one child, you've met one child.

It's not punishment if a child is rude and obnoxious and you choose to ignore them until they speak nicely, it's a lesson in how to behave and get others to respond to you in a way you'd like.That IS teaching by example. Why should a rude ,badly behaved child be rewarded with "kindness"? It sets the wrong example to the children present who DO behave in a respectful polite manner.

This post was last modified: 07-09-2012 11:54 AM by cynara.

The dinner party was a few days ago.  She was not terrible.  She was still doing things that she knew better like playing with the dinner knife, throwing food she did not want to eat back into the serving bowl, turning light off and on.  The big issue was her grabbing the puppies and going into the kitchen alone where the dogs were - she was not allowed to be alone with the dogs for safety reasons.   I was showing her how to handle the puppies nicely and pet them and not poke at their face or squeeze them.  

The other issue is fighting about eating with her parents.  She refuses to eat sometimes and they end up feeding her.  This child is almost 4 and she can fed herself.  They let her drink a whole cup of milk before she eats which is most of the problem.  She ate bread and some chicken I gave her.  She refused everything else only asking for some beans which she did eat.  Of course she could manage to put away a big piece of cake and ice cream after saying she was not hungry.  

She just refuses to listen to any adults.  Only when her father threatens to smack her.  Not healthy to me.  She is told to stop doing something and 60 seconds later she is doing it again.  The parents also seem overly concerned about her spilling food on her clothing.  

Maybe I should not care so much.

No no, if it is YOUR house, of course it is your rules - you can say what you want and tell the parent ... THEY need to watch him/her every second (for safety sake) if things are being broken...

The OP I think was talking about family parties... I may be wrong but I did not think it was her house - or her party being ruined... I think it was the grandmas...

M was it your house then? Playing with the dinner knife? I would not let her have a knife... at 4?

I say, luckily and unluckily for you - that you do care - about her health - eating for example.  THAT is soemthing you can stay out of, you cook a meal, there are choices, if someone has a picky (extra picky) child, it is up to them to bring the food the child eats with them (I always did for my very aspie son - for him, lol, he liked ONLY healthy food,(and plain, not mixed)  and if we were at a party, often there was too much junk) regardless, I fed my kids before, AND I brought food they could eat... )

For the table, better you stay out of the food fight/battle-- of course I have three kids so it is hard /er to be the parent of the kids that ARE good (or if one of mine is cranky it is contagious) and sit and eat and are polite when they see all the attention/special treatment (often) the spoiled kids seem to get> (cynara said this better - I just read her post...)

This post was last modified: 07-09-2012 08:03 PM by windy.

I got a cousin that was recently diagnosed as an Aspie, what her parents do is make sure she follows little simple steps.... seeing that its just a bit different then a "spoiled NT child" she tries to follow those steps..... I try to make sure that my little friends (Penguin and Giraffe) respect my boundaries, and my animals as well..... if they listen, they easily understand at their own pace.... if they don't, then god help us all. They're both like my own little nephews... sometimes they look up to me, sometimes they look at me as their buddy that lets them get away from certain things.... nope... they're wrong