DISCLAIMER: This is my Point of View, I do not pretend to speak for any and/or all Aspies. I would like to clarify what I consider to be a gross misunderstanding by NT's concerning what they think is eye contact, and what I as an Aspie consider eye contact.

THIS IS GOING TO SOUND BAD AGAIN:
In my opinion, NT's use eye contact as a means of communicating that they are paying attention. By "looking into my eyes", a sense of belief is thought to be established- in either what is being said, or the seriousness of that which is being said by the NT. I do not need to make eye contact with you to pay full attention to what you are saying; nor do I need to make eye contact with you to tell the truth. This is why, and it is for your own safety:

For me as an Aspie, I am contemplating Trinity Exhistance on, in or of 28 Dimenions. Each Dimension has its own process consisting of 4 mechanisms (quadratic equation and/or alchemical balance). MY MIND IS ALWAYS FOCUSED ON PROCESSING THESE EQUATIONS AND FINDING THESE BALANCES. Talking, listening, hearing and responding- with sincerity- only require the first 2 Dimensions, and less than 33% of each Dimensions process mechanisms. I am able to communicate just fine, and honestly, without having to look into the eyes of another. It is not a sign of weakness, insecurity or dishonesty. Eye contact has nothing to do with communication, but everything to do with attention.

FOR ME AS AN ASPIE, DIRECT EYE CONTACT MEANS UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. IF YOU FORCE ME TO MAKE EYE CONTACT, YOU FORCE MY CONCIOUS UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. YOU ARE ASKING ME TO CONCIOUSLY SHUT DOWN OR PUT ON AUTO PILOT OVER 100 MECHANISMS MY MIND IS PROCESSING. YOU ARE TELLING ME TO PAY ATTENTION. THIS IS NOT A GREAT THING FOR AN NT TO INSIST. I WILL HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE FOR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, THE MANNER IN WHICH YOU SAY IT, THE BEHAVIOR YOU EXHIBIT WHILE SAYING IT, THE WORDS YOU CHOOSE WHILE SAYING IT, THE GRAMMAR, DICTION, CONSISTENCY, THE RELATIVITY TO OTHER COMPARABLE SAYINGS OF IT, THE OTHERS THAT HAVE SAID AS MUCH AS SAME, AND WHO IS SAYING IT. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU ARE MAKING A CONTRACT. I DID NOT CHOOSE FOR YOU TO FORCE MY UNDIVIDED ATTENTION, AND IF YOU DO, IT IS AN EXTREMELY SERIOUS AND DANGEROUS MATTER FOR AN NT WHO DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. YOU ARE ASKING TO BE PUT UNDER MY MICROSCOPE, AND SEE IF YOUR BEHAVIOR IS CONSISTENT WITH THE OVER 100 MECHANISMS THAT WERE GOING ON WITH ME BEFORE YOU DISTURBED ME MORE THAN YOU NEEDED. AND IF IT IS DETERMINED THAT YOU DID NOT WARRANT MY UNDIVIDED ATTENTION, YOU WILL NEVER GET IT AGAIN, NOR CAN I CONSIDER YOU TO BE WORTH TIME.

On a lighter note, as an Aspie, I freely give my undivided attention to those I share love (and I/we want to make the time and relationship to share love with anyone). We are able to be focused on the needs and wants of others more and better than any other community of people I am aware. We are capable of loving relationships beyond most peoples comprehension. This is specifically due to the nature of our "Undivided Attention". Though intense, it is as great and awesome for some as it is terrifying and unsettling for most.

Apologies in Advance for being offensive,
Respectfully,
Mike Silva

Please keep in mind that I am a mid 40's recently diagnosed (March 2012) Aspie living in North America. I had to develop coping skills that may be unnecessary now, but were needed due to the lack of understanding and exhistence of Aspergers diagnosis since I was a child in the 70's. To any and all adult Aspies with late diagnosis: I guarantee that at least once in your life, and I would bet multiple times, when you gave an other what I am calling your "Undivided Attention", you have heard a comment similar to: "I feel like I'm making a deal with the devil" and/or "I looked into your eyes just then and was scared sh*tless".

^I totally agree with you.  I'm always having trouble with people who seem to think that I can't pay attention to them unless I'm gazing at them adoringly as they're speaking.  So often in my life people have said in irritation that they can't talk to me, because I'm not listening to them.  Which is utter bollocks, since I could repeat back to them perfectly what they'd been saying.  Just I hadn't met their eyes when they were saying it.  It seems to discomfit people that I can be thinking about so many other things at the same time; and yet the common misconception is that Aspies are totally focused on a narrow range of interests and wew're just not paying attention to anything else going on.  
Alison

Thanks, I figured all of us actually are able to respectfully listen, hear and respond without making direct eye contact. Just don't think it's my place to say. I just think we as a group are judged by the standards that NT's are most suspicious about themselves.  Thanks for your replies, is Vernu a stuffy or a live pet? Or a cute name of a person? If you not mind my asking?

Eye contact alone is tiring and stressful. I only really do it for job interviews because I know I won't get the job otherwise.

Heehee!  He's my husband of the past 27 years!
He's an Indian Ocean Islander originally, and I'm an Australian of Scottish descent.  We're very different physically, I'm a short red-head with freckles and green eyes.  He's also my best friend in this whole world, and he's currently chuckling and agreeing that he's my "pet"!!
His full name takes three months to pronounce fully (kidding!) and Vernu is his shortened first name.

Alison

This post was last modified: 06-25-2012 01:46 PM by Alison.

I found out that NT also get some information about emotions and conversation timing from the area about the eyes and some other facial expressions.  I do not process these.  It is also distracting to me when I am trying to concentrate on what to say and what a person is saying to me.  Also NT often expect quick answers to their questions or they consider me stupid or not interested.  I often need some time to process the information and type the words in my head before I can say them.

Yeah, I've twice been told off by policemen for not maintaining eye contact. I was tempted to initiate fist contact instead!

We get a programme from the US called "Judge Judy" which is a small claims court.  Judge Judy always wants them to meet her eyes and gets very irate if they don't.  She sometimes says, "Do you know how I know you're lying?  Because you keep looking away!" We Aspies wouldn't get much justice if we ever found ourselves up before her!  But then, some of the situations are so ludicrous that it's hard to believe it ever got as far as court, honestly!  
Alison

I have noticed that about Judge Judy (both points).

Incidentally, the instruction in the title is redundant for me. I have already judged Judy. She's an idiot.

I am 199 cm tall, and my wife is 150 cm tall. My wife thinks we get funny looks when we walk together in public because people don't approve of mixed marriages... I point out that it is far more likely because we are such an odd couple physically. Perhaps also because even though we are not that different in age (I am 47, she is 40), the age gap probably looks closer to three times that much at first glance.

Eye contact alone is tiring and stressful.  Also NT often expect quick answers to their questions or they consider me stupid or not interested.  I often need some time to process the information and type the words in my head before I can say them.

Yeah, sometimes Vernu points out to me that we get funny looks in public; I'm usually blissfully unaware of it, thanks to a combination of face-blindness and the aspie obliviousness to expression and body language.  But over the years, and particularly when we first married, back in the 1980's, mixed marriage was a lot less "socially approved", and we'd even have some rude people say things to us, or be so obvious in their disapproval that even I could pick it up.  So weird, that different skin colours in two people can be seen by others as such a big deal!  It only means Vernu doesn't need to slop sun-cream on himself whenever he goes outside in summer!  I tend to be like a little abulatory mushroom then, with a broad-brimmed hat, sunglasses, long sleeves and sun-cream, the works!  And even then I chase the shade all day.

You're certainly a tall man 142857!  But is the seven year age gap between you and your wife so obvious?  I find we aspies tend to look a bit younger than our chronological age.  

Alison

Interesting. I suppose it depends on the information I am processing that will determine the speed of my response. If its in the classroom- I am quick (facts and logic are easy to process for me), I also can make eye contact well enough--though, I'm not sure how much I need to make eye contact in that type of situation in the first place. If its in a social situation, I need a moment (I tend to panic and say outlandish things like random facts and observations just to keep myself talking), and eye contact is uncomfortable. If its in an argument or an emotional conversation, I need an hour or three, and eye contact is just about impossible.

This post was last modified: 06-26-2012 04:34 AM by sg1008.

You guys (meaning men and women- I am a North American East Coast Italian - Smile) are awesome. I would like to opine that when it comes to responding to "testing" we are quick and self assured - like the classroom reference above. When it comes to "communication" we pause (process) because: 1) We are being thoughtful - not confused - and contemplating a meaningful response; and/or, 2) a 1,000,000 (kidding) different possible respones have popped up because of the vagueness of the actual language of the question asked.
I can be dumbfounded for minutes by a question containing less than 7 words! And for those that think we are acting suspicious, if you knew the darn definitions of the words you were using, we wouldn't be baffled into stunned silence thinking "did that really just come out of their mouth?"
Anyway, and also, I'm so happy to hear about the couplings, gives hope to a romantic loner like me! I find that age and looks (size and/or shape) are the last thing an Aspie considers when observing/communicating with others. I am constantly being reminded of age gaps, gender differences, etc., WHICH HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH COMMUNICATING AND/OR FORMING RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS. IT IS WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU BEHAVE THAT ATTRACT OR REPEL ME. I DID NOT REALIZE YOUR AGE, GENDER, SIZE, SHAPE AND APPEARANCE HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHO YOU ARE. I FIGURED YOU WOULD TELL ME THAT, THEN SHOW ME TO PROVE IT, THEN BE IT BECAUSE YOU AREN'T A LIAR. GOLLY, I MISS AND NEED OTHER ASPIES IN MY ORBITAL SPACE AND LINEAR TIME. I hate having to relive my understanding of this stupid unnecessary childish crap.
Apologies in advance for being offensive,
Respectfully,
Mike Silva
I AM SO DAMN HAPPY TO BE HERE! THANK YOU, AND THE BILLIONS THAT I AM REFRAINING FROM LOSING IT ON THANK YOU. (ARROGANT HUMOR, Please understand - Smile)

For me:  staring @ some1 in there eyes:  throws off my concentration completely... I can listen & have small talk with people but I CAN'T stare @ them directly in the eyes... It's almost like I crash if I do...