It is probably just me and my Aspie ignorance, but I am not interested in having my work environments made more "user" friendly to me and my neurosis. I have had to manage them alone for decades already. I understand the social and political "factors" that come into play in the work place. That being said, I want equality.
I go to work to work. Work is the Purpose for me to go to work. I know this sounds over simplified, but it is simple to me. Peer equality for me at work means my peers at work WORK! If I need to be empathetic to my peers in shared environments, OK. So they get me to adjust to their mores in all social environments. The one environment where I believe they should reflect my mores is the work related enviroment. That is where the Aspie shines. I can marginalize and/or nullify my neurosis at work by focusing on work. It is only when the social structure is forced into the work environment that I am aware of all the things that frighten me and cause me to lose focus.
So I am not looking to be accepted at work. Nor to I want to be extended courteousies to make the others feel better about themselves. This is going to come out bad: HOW ABOUT SHUT UP AND WORK. THEN, IF YOU ARE ACTUALLING PRODUCING AND BEHAVING LIKE MY PEER, I MAY TRY MY HARDEST TO FIT IN WITH THE SOCIAL STRUCTURE OF THOSE PEERS, BUT ONLY OUTSIDE OF WORK. AT WORK I AM THE BEST THERE IS AT WHAT I AM DOING. I AM AN ASPIE, OF COURSE THAT IS WHAT I THINK.
TAKE YOUR EMPATHETIC INSINCERITY WHICH IS TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE WAY YOU HAVE TREATED US UP TO NOW, AND USE THAT ENERGY INSTEAD TO ACTUALLY WORK EQUALLY AS HARD AS WE DO AND PROVE THAT WE ARE PEERS.

Apologizing in advance,
Respectfully,
Mike Silva

I don't work yet, but HALLI-FRICKIN-LULA

Your parents also breed dedication into a child

At work I forget I am an overweight romantically challenged Aspie. We are there for something else and the official recommendation is not to date there nor worry about it.

I should not have to do more work to make up for the fact that I am not as successful at socializing at work.  I would like for people to empathisize that I am not so socially adept and they should be more forgiving of that.  If I made a mistake then I am forever ostracized and punished.

I understand what you are communicating, and disagree that you should be in the position that makes you feel as if being socially adept is necessary to being a good employee. I realize that what should be and how it is are vastly different truths, but I impose the answer is adjustment on what defines "acceptable work to be done by WHO", not what defines "who is acceptable at work to do".

Hope that makes more sense than it sounds. I just can't accept that making the work environment more acceptable to Aspies consists of catering to our manifest neurosis, when our neurosis would never manifest if WORK was considered to be actually getting the job done. If this were the case, in my opinion, than NT's would be re-educated to the Aspie process of GETTING THE JOB DONE AT WORK, for we are the social/political structure that should be followed in the work place.
Apologies in advance,
Respectfully,
Mike Silva

To be honest I have to take up two positions here.
You are both right and both wrong.
The reasons for this is that society is unfair and unjust in how they favour certain people over others. I can tell you within two weeks of a new employee starting if they will be promoted and favoured over others or not. No brainer. it has little to do with their actual knowledge or work ethic or anything like that.
I think that there comes a point where you need to take stock and maybe even comfort in the patterns of human interaction and say "These people will always act in these ways and as unfair or not right as they may be there is at leasyt a benchmark or predictability in this. It is something you can base your interactions around." It is something that I use to my advantage.
I have wormed my way into a very comfortable position in my workplace which is autonomous for the most part and that i can choose the amount of interaction with my peers. I am paid well enough and recognised for my work and my knowledge. It doesn't mean that I will likely be promoted out of that position but in truth i would not want that anyhow.
I think that it always has to be making the best with what you have and working to negate aspects of your life that will impact.
I believe in hiding and masking any aspect of my life which could be "used" against me. As such people has a very superficial appreciation or understanding of me and you know i prefer that.

SALUTE, my Friend (hope I'm not assuming too much). I absolutely agree with your assessment. Upon further introspection, I believe my post was more toward the NT polls I happen upon which mostly want to know how to accomodate Aspie in the workplace (Adressing us as problem, in my opionion) VS. Why Aspie has trouble in the work place (Too many mixed signals about what work and job really is, in my opinion). So I let my demons free about how I truly feel disrespected in the workplace. That is why sooo long ago I decided to only contract myself out for time periods and/or job environment. Doesn't make for stability, but allows my Aspie mind to function in a myriad of business structures. Mostly military, quality assurance, application and theory sciences, etc., structures.
I do thank you for showing the duality of the truth in this particular case. You have shown me my own Theatrical Mathmatics by triangulating two differing (Binary) POV's into a harmoneous, homogenous Reality of Equal Truths (Quadradic - both being both right and wrong). Appreciate your Point of View and your explanation and time to comment.
Respectfully,
Mike Silva

This post was last modified: 06-27-2012 04:48 AM by MikeSilva.

You know I agree and furthermmore I will lend you a bit of personal insiht into myself. I was at 13 a skinny boy of 4'6'. Any look at teenage boys will tell you that I was not the tallest child in my year. In fact i was the shortest child up to year 10 (15). I was socially inept and bullied constantly at school and at home.
I eventually did hit my growing spurt, none too soon. By the time i was in my late teens aI was a heavy drinker and a voracious fighter. Two things I became increasingly good at. I fought everyone and over anything. Nothing was going to subjegate me or belittle me. A tease, a joke a lack of showing of anything but the utmost respect would have me rage and bear down on the opposition with rigour.
Now all of this can be explained and indeed justified on a number of levels. I had every reason to be militantly agressive against those who who seek to castigate me. I was making up for lost time and exorcising the demons of a childhood of torment. I was creating a strong identity and reaffirming that I was not to ever be one to be questioned or ridiculed. In many cases even if the intensity was disproportionate the reasons behind the defence was almost excusable.
The problem of course is that it simply did not do much in the way of making me likeable or a person worthy of being around. I have no idea really how the few friends I had stood by me.
The soul-searching that comes with the acceptance of the diagnosis comes with that same payload of feelings that I had with exorcising the demons of my childhood. Only this is worse because now you are having to revisit every slight and embarassment and every wrong or misunderstanding.
Then finally comes the introspection and, without sounding too cliched or religious (which I am not in the slightest), forgiveness and acceptance. A chance to reaffirm you and what YOU are and where you fit with life.
But life is unfair! Yes. that is right. Always will be. But it is not my fault! Correct. I am not a bad person! Correct again.
Better yet is looking at all you are and working out what motivates you and what are really your core values and ideologies for which you will defend and to what extent. Why do these things mattter to you? Can you accept all parts to yourself and live with them and can you be true to your understanding of self.
I am a little embarassed to say that i was into my thirties before i finally stopped getting into fights and actually if not self-actualised at least finally in my life confident and comfortable in my skin.
If someone were to say "You are arrogant and opinionated and rude" I will not defend against these things. I will not seek to disclaim or change their minds or fight them over such claims. It is not because i think the claims are off no importnace. It is not because i think that I ought not defend myself. It is not that I think that I am sparing them. Perhaps surprisingly, I do not defend against such claims because they are true.
I am not saying this in a self-depreciating way in the least. It is true. It is also as true to say that I am passionate and rational and loyal and loving and honest. Yes all this is just as true and in no more of need to downplay or be modest about. I am many things and I accept all parts to my being and know it for what it is.
It is a terrific sense of confidence and peace to know yourself and be OK with it.
I am happy to be assertive in what matters to me and what doesn't is not going to make me rise to the bait.
Accuse me of arrogance? Yup no worries. Accuse me of lying and you better have all your facts straight.
It also allows me to care less about what others think of me and how others will try to pigeon hole me. These things are not a big concern. I remain true to me and am consistent in my behaviour and I am not a random, volatile element, I am a stable man with strong values and consistent and honest approach to live.
Post diagnosis, this has served me just as well as anything I have read about my condition and infact bolstered my identity.

Not sure how much of these ramble may make sense or ring a cord but it is there now for your pleasure to take from it what you will

You know I agree and furthermmore I will lend you a bit of personal insiht into myself. I was at 13 a skinny boy of 4'6'. Any look at teenage boys will tell you that I was not the tallest child in my year. In fact i was the shortest child up to year 10 (15). I was socially inept and bullied constantly at school and at home.
I eventually did hit my growing spurt, none too soon. By the time i was in my late teens aI was a heavy drinker and a voracious fighter. Two things I became increasingly good at. I fought everyone and over anything. Nothing was going to subjegate me or belittle me. A tease, a joke a lack of showing of anything but the utmost respect would have me rage and bear down on the opposition with rigour.
Now all of this can be explained and indeed justified on a number of levels. I had every reason to be militantly agressive against those who who seek to castigate me. I was making up for lost time and exorcising the demons of a childhood of torment. I was creating a strong identity and reaffirming that I was not to ever be one to be questioned or ridiculed. In many cases even if the intensity was disproportionate the reasons behind the defence was almost excusable.
The problem of course is that it simply did not do much in the way of making me likeable or a person worthy of being around. I have no idea really how the few friends I had stood by me.
The soul-searching that comes with the acceptance of the diagnosis comes with that same payload of feelings that I had with exorcising the demons of my childhood. Only this is worse because now you are having to revisit every slight and embarassment and every wrong or misunderstanding.
Then finally comes the introspection and, without sounding too cliched or religious (which I am not in the slightest), forgiveness and acceptance. A chance to reaffirm you and what YOU are and where you fit with life.
But life is unfair! Yes. that is right. Always will be. But it is not my fault! Correct. I am not a bad person! Correct again.
Better yet is looking at all you are and working out what motivates you and what are really your core values and ideologies for which you will defend and to what extent. Why do these things mattter to you? Can you accept all parts to yourself and live with them and can you be true to your understanding of self.
I am a little embarassed to say that i was into my thirties before i finally stopped getting into fights and actually if not self-actualised at least finally in my life confident and comfortable in my skin.
If someone were to say "You are arrogant and opinionated and rude" I will not defend against these things. I will not seek to disclaim or change their minds or fight them over such claims. It is not because i think the claims are off no importnace. It is not because i think that I ought not defend myself. It is not that I think that I am sparing them. Perhaps surprisingly, I do not defend against such claims because they are true.
I am not saying this in a self-depreciating way in the least. It is true. It is also as true to say that I am passionate and rational and loyal and loving and honest. Yes all this is just as true and in no more of need to downplay or be modest about. I am many things and I accept all parts to my being and know it for what it is.
It is a terrific sense of confidence and peace to know yourself and be OK with it.
I am happy to be assertive in what matters to me and what doesn't is not going to make me rise to the bait.
Accuse me of arrogance? Yup no worries. Accuse me of lying and you better have all your facts straight.
It also allows me to care less about what others think of me and how others will try to pigeon hole me. These things are not a big concern. I remain true to me and am consistent in my behaviour and I am not a random, volatile element, I am a stable man with strong values and consistent and honest approach to live.
Post diagnosis, this has served me just as well as anything I have read about my condition and infact bolstered my identity.

Not sure how much of these ramble may make sense or ring a cord but it is there now for your pleasure to take from it what you will

Just wanted to let you know I havent read this yet, and soon as I can, I will reply. Wanted to quickly drop line so you know I haven't gotten to it yet. This looks like you took some time, and I want to take the time to read. Thanks Bloke, when I first joined - you, and everyone else for that matter, were and are very kind. Hoping by Sunday nite, I work at another location much more brutal - and with no computers - on Friday and Saturday nites. I have short shift tonight, and no internet once I leave. Jesus, I could have read it by now with all this typing. Thank you again, I type to you asap.

Respectfully,
Mike S.

^ Bloke:
That was exceptionally well expressed. I understood, and agreed, with what i read. I believe the knowledge, and then acceptance of, "who I am" and "how I work" are the first two legs of the journey to "whole self". Once this knowledge is gained, true growth and maturity of self is achievable, in my opinion. I too have similar experience of self control, or lack thereof, until late into my twenties. Then it took me the decade of my thirties to learn from all the experiences and environments that I subjected myself too whilst fighting myself over who I am and how I work. It is why one of my mantras is not to hold another to anything before they reach an age of 28. In all my math, I believe that by that linear time, an individual has had enough experience to effort being a mature and responsible adult in the universe. Of course it is tiring and exhaustive, so shied away from by most.
I too make no apologies for myself, and do not try and pursuade anyone who speaks the truth of me, even when it is negative exposure due to circumstances within their control. I think there are 4 sides to every argument, and the truth within the 4 becomes a singularity that is applied with 3 other truths to form another whole. (Your way of earlier expressing the "both being both right and wrong). I see 2 sets of equations to form a whole story; the first of the two needs to be solved, and then applied to the second. The second set of equation needs to be balanced. So for me there is a big/little infuence with a big/little influence (or vice versa) to be understood as a whole answer, then that whole answer is 25% of another little/big influence with little/big influence (or vice versa) of a balance. The combination of both equational processes, one solved and one balanced, allows for a mature and clear understanding of the truth of a dimension. Now I am the one rambling.
I want you to know I took an understanding for myself that might not be what you meant, but I was able to understand and not take exception. If nothing else, it means that you are right to me for what I think you meant for you. Smile. Thanks for sharing that, and I want to figure a way to show what you are saying is two equations at work (TM 1.0 for me) that allow for a person to be sure of themself in communicating, while letting another express themself without misunderstanding. Disagreement and argument are allowed, right and wrong have nothing to do with it.
Respectfully,
Mike Silva

Absolutely. Well said.

I take capital letters in posts to indicate rage or yelling.

Your interpretation of empathetic insincerity ...... could this be otherwise interpreted as an attempt by work colleagues to open up communication and find a common ground.

People being friendly to you is not empathic insincerity. It is about wanting you to feel accepted into the group. This is GOOD herd/social-animal behaviour. The alternative is to exclude you and try what they can to make your life miserable because you are not what they consider normal. I have experienced both several times, and the "empathic insincerity" is preferable.

Ideally people would understand that some of us enjoy our own company most of the time, find small talk about reality-TV or the weather awkward and uncomfortable, and struggle to manage the most basic social niceties like greetings and remembering names and even recognizing someone if they have had a haircut.

People in the workplace tend to get nasty about someone who is not trying to be rude or offensive, but is simply struggling with basic social skills. This is what we need to be concerned about - just being accepted for being different. People often think they are being friendly but in fact they are putting implicit pressure on you to act "NA (non-autistic)".

Excellent point. And in the context you are mentioning, I would hope to agree. I was basing my comment on all the questionnaires that I was encountering about aesthetic changes in the workplace (dim lit rooms, and other "Autistic comforts") to enhance the Autistic comfort zone. I took exception to these "perks", for it is in my opinion just what an NT would want to "sweeten the deal" at job. It is probably my problem, but I never realize I am "different" at work while I am working. It is only when down time, or laziness, occurs do other's notice I may be different. Those that have extended sincere conversational attempts have been thanked for taking on such a task, and I have whole-heartedly given my all to be friend. Excuse the running on, to conclude, I was specifically highlighting what I felt was the need by NTs to fix our environment, or us, for better working conditions. I felt, for me specifically, actually working while at work would be the way to enhance my personal working conditions.

Thanks for your comments,
Mike S.

I entirely agree with you Mike.  That's always been one of my own problems as well - stop with all the socializing when you are at work and WORK!  I ended up doing more than my fair share and being ostracized for it, both resented and disliked simply because I didn't have any interest in their stupid social conventions.  I dream of the day when we are the majority population.  Work will be efficient, society will run along logical lines, and NTs will be the poor lonely little oddballs.  
Alison