If someone told me when I was younger that I did not need to be social and I did not have to fit in and it was okay to be different, I would have saved a lot of energy and frustration trying to figure out why I did not have friends, why I did things that no one else seemed to do, why I liked being alone, and I would have known that I was intelligent.

Knowing I have Asperger's is a big relief because I know now that I am not weird (just wired differently), I am not stupid (just sensitive, and actually quite smart), I am not conceited (just view things differently), I am not a loser, and being alone is not a crime.

^ ^  Amen to thet

If someone told me when I was younger that I did not need to be social and I did not have to fit in and it was okay to be different, I would have saved a lot of energy and frustration trying to figure out why I did not have friends, why I did things that no one else seemed to do, why I liked being alone, and I would have known that I was intelligent.

Knowing I have Asperger's is a big relief because I know now that I am not weird (just wired differently), I am not stupid (just sensitive, and actually quite smart), I am not conceited (just view things differently), I am not a loser, and being alone is not a crime.

Same here.  I used to do such a lot which was not innate when I was younger, just because I wanted to fit in or please my parents.  I never managed to "fit in" and just ended up depressed and feeling like a freak.  Now I'm far more accepting of who I am, I don't judge myself by the standards of others anymore.  Now, if I get that somebody doesn't like me for whatever reason, I just feel that is their problem, not mine.   
Alison

This post was last modified: 05-20-2012 11:50 PM by Alison.

Pretty similar to you Alison. Though I also say I think I HAVE to stack up against the social mores and such. If i fail that is Ok. I do what I can but don't beat myself up for failing. I do better when i can

Disclosure; I have removed one post from this thread.

Im experiencing that more and more now! I realize that now I dont have to beat myself up about not fitting in, or wanting to focus on my interests. ive felt like my life was in complete limbo for the last three years- like i was stuck and couldn't move forward---but now i feel like my life can finally start moving forward again.

This post was last modified: 05-22-2012 02:13 PM by sg1008.

I realised just yesterday that one of the ladies working in the cafe at uni I frequent doesn't like me.  I'd always wondered why it took ages for my cup of tea to arrive when I'd go there for lunch (they do a terrific Caesar salad cheap if you show your student's card).  I was sitting there with another mature age student I get on with yesterday and we eventually got served.  And Fi (the other student) said, "You really should complain to management about that women: not only she took ages to bring the order, but she slammed it down in front of you very sloppily and has been looking daggers at you ever since we walked in here."

Now, I must admit, I'd never noticed ANY of this.  I thought the woman was just a bit slow, perhaps busy and prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt, but now that it's been pointed out to me by an NT, I can sort of see the dislike there.  I never (to my knowledge, at least) did anything to get her offside, but it's a reaction I've experienced many times in the past, as if I have a glowing sign on my forehead or something!  

Still, I'm not that upset, probably BECAUSE I've experienced it so often.  I'll keep going there for my salad and tea and if she doesn't like it, well, it's her job to do it, whether she likes having me as a customer or not.  Tough cheddar.  

Alison

Geez, I doubt you ever did anything worthy of her disdain or contempt.  I feel for you.  This is an all too typical Aspie experience.  Why?  It's like an invisible curse over us which follows us.  I've had plenty of experiences like this (and probably more for I wouldn't know the ones I didn't realize or the ones that weren't pointed out).

Needless to say this is why I'm shy and uptight in public; and approaching people.  When I think of my desire to find love (especially); these kinds of experiences really eat me up inside.  There is a woman acquaintance I'd like to ask for a date, but my sense of being unlikeable makes it harder to approach her.

I once asked, back in high school, what it was about me that a girl who'd been beating up on me didn't like.  She replied, "the fact that you're breathing."
How can one argue against such an illogical attitude?  It used to really upset me, but now I just accept that fact that there are going to be people who don't like you whatever you do, so you may as well just ignore them.  Although that sometimes backfires too: there are some types of personality who seem to thrive on the attention bad behaviour gets them, and they up the ante if you do ignore them, sometimes to seemingly insane levels.

I just thought, maybe that's why the canteen lady dislikes me so much: she thought I was ignoring her, and is simply raising the stakes until I do notice and do something!  Hee hee, there's going to be some major level obliviousness towards her on my part from now on, then, if that's what's annoying her!
Alison (evil mwahaha!)

This post was last modified: 05-23-2012 03:35 AM by Alison.

I used to ask all the kids why they didn't like me. They couldn't answer, no one knew why, and neither did i.

I was in the same boat, going to the social worker to try to mindmeld me into the "social norm" seemed tiring to me, the whole idea of trying to fit-in. When it would take a while to accept me... was a bit.... disappointing?