Extracted from another post but worth discussion in its own right

See that is the thing. Well the thing entirely. Personally I dislike delicacy and, to be honest, I am about as subtle as a sledgehammer. The flipside is that i am not easily offended, upset or whatever. I like things understood. I can not see the point of calling "A", "B" for teh sake of social convention or for the sake of feelings or political correctness or anything else and i do not expect the same. Life is not like that.

I do expect honesty and i do expect that all calling it right and true and letting the pieces fall where they may is a kind of safety.
Ok it may sound a little strange and maybe a bit direct or even blunt and brutal, but bear with me.

* The secret that evenone is in on but you are excluded from because it pertains to you and "good manners" prevent its airing.
* Sly digs
* Accusatory glances
* Lies
* Misunderstandings

So the list goes. I say expose it. Bring it out and make it concrete, palpable, solvable and resolvable. Call it right and honest and true.

What is the worse that can happen?

You could get it wrong and you could hear something that you did not want to hear. You could get embarassed. You may upset someone. You may have to apologise.

I can live with this. I can handle the fallout. I can live with having to make an apology and a bit of embarassment. I can live with people disagreeing with me or thinking badly of me.

Compared to al the above list and all the examples of similar subtle differences I say it is almost always better.

So....now you see my mindset. There is nothing subtle about me. I am opinionated and arrogant and many more things but the people that know me, know that I do not seek to promote myself in ways that are dishonest or unfair.

I would LOVE for people on here to have the "freedom" to not have to delicately dance around things or allow misunderstanding to arise for fear of using the wrong words and feeling trapped by their inability to say what they mean. To defend the things they hold dear. To close themselves off from the ability to call it as it is or maybe as it should be. Bring it all to the table and reveal what they really think and why. Argue, debate, agree, reclarify, take a stand, and feel an empowerment of self.

If people on here collectively can do this I believe that there will be unity in a way that maybe Nasa is suggesting even. Strong willed and strong-minded members, bringing together a collective and honest dialogue that is more than pandering to the woes (and let's face it they are there to be had by all of us and this is life moreso for peopel on the spectrum) that assail us. It is not an empowerment to say "poor you". It is not empowering to say "hang in there we love you". Nice maybe but hardly empowering. It is not empowering to wantonly agree or ignore when you strongly disagree. Opening up discourse and challenging your beliefs and others. Calling people out for being wrong or offensive or indulgent. That is empowering. That is learning and steeling your nerves and wits and expanding your experiences.  

Ok this little aspie off his soapbox.

I want the same as you, a place where views can be aired, opinions challenged, a place to speak my mind or ask for help.
But I also want it to be somewhere safe. If a poster is malicious to others or racist/sexist etc I would expect others to stand up and be counted in condemning it. I have made mistakes, I'm guilty of misuse of the support forum in some of my replies and I apologise for that. I'm the same as anyone here, learning as I go how to positively interact with others and I expect to be called out if I digress.

Yes i think that what you say is pretty cool. The other thing i try to stress is that if someone screws up they need to be set right and condemned BUT like all of life we do learn from mistakes and admitting that everyone canscrew up is no biggie. I hate apologising. Hate it. If I think a position I have taken has been shown in my own morality or logic or values to be wrong (it is rarely mistakes in facts that hurt or embarass as much as inadvertantly going against your core values) then I DO apologise.
I think allowing others the chance to o this and learn and not trying to hold a long standing grudge or ill feeling is key to getting on.
Not accepting mistakes or continually making the same mistakes is a different thing entirely.
I think all of us are ale to learn from each other and pass on experience and different and fresh insights and knowledge. We can criticise and agree and explain and clarify and build an understanding of the world, life and our Autistic experience in ways that we simply can not without this forum.
Less of the poor me's and more of the what is your opinion on is enabling. One demands a ruffled head or a shoulder to cry on and the other to expand your experiences.

I see AFF as a place with people who, literally, not just as a figure of speech, think a lot like me. You and I are not at all alike, Bloke, and you know that as well as I do. Maybe that's good. But there are many on this forum who I feel are kindred spirits.

I would vote for "a community of autistics, providing discussion, information, and support". I know that is at odds with the name of the forum and with the stated aims of the forum, no need to remind me of that. But that was what I was looking for, I tried the rest and found AFF to be the best.

I want this forum to be a safe-haven, a place where others (including the little people) voice their thoughts for advice every now and then.

I am a very dense person. I assumed everyone was pretty much like me until I found out I was autistic at age 49. I got that far because I had no interest in others anyway and found ways to just leave.

Now that I realize what a strange species humans are, I am interested in others. AFF is the best place to study people cause I can make mistakes and still have a place here. It doesnt feel that way in the "real world".

Also, I am sorta the only person I lie to (qualified b/c I have learned to say "fine" when people ask me how I am and other social etiquette that requires falsehoods) and its as hard to determine when I am lying to myself as it is to know when someone else is lying to me.

Cynara said it better and with fewer words.

This post was last modified: 05-13-2012 01:53 AM by awiddershinlife.

i post here for one, because like me, most people here are aspies, and thus there's common ground, and for two, it's something to do. i don;t care about any of the political ***. i just want to talk to other people with asperger's, and the NTs here too for we all are equal, without fear of judgement.

This post was last modified: 05-13-2012 02:18 AM by nialll.

I feel like there should be more choices.
For instance: a support network, a place to express yourself as having an outlet, whilst practicing social interaction. But the again, I think the last choice- growth internally and learning from others would encompass that.

I want all of those things. A place for support, but a place to be corrected. A place to further the neurodiversity cause. A place to talk frankly about the spectrum. A place to spend time with people who think like me. A place to be challenged.

And I have found these things. You guys are like a family to me! I know I post a lot less than I should, but when I do, I always get something from it and usually give something.

Yeah there are times when people are just being lame, but all you talk about are consequences for you. Are you for being 100% honest in every situation imaginable? what about other people? Sometimes someone else is worth more than being absolute in worshiping the statue of Honest.
And to be honest being "straight forward" in situations where things can be misunderstood is not properly being honest if what you mean is miscommunicated.

When I am not honest I do not mind being pulled up for it.
I think stating you opinions in a straight forward way is good. I think being subtle or airy fairy and vague can muddy the waters far more than straight talk. I think that furtherI don't understand what you are saying about people being worth more than honesty. Is that kind of like diagnosising a person with cancer and only 6 months to live and choosing to be kinder and nicer and not let them be upset of the terrible news. Or the person being told and not telling their kids. Is this kind of what you mean about honesty and making a judgement call when it is ill-suited because believe me I can make great arguments for and against with both and I still believe in for.

I just mean do you think you'd choose honesty in all situations possible regardless of the effect on the person. I don't know, situation_here that you think would make someone suicidal for example or just really regress in some way where it doesn't really harm as much to not tell the truth. That's a question that'll show me how dedicated someone is.  IMO a yes answer is from someone who worships truth as some sort of god- because when people worship gods they may even choose it over the death or severe harm/damage of others.

This post was last modified: 05-13-2012 05:06 AM by mels8780.

I would stay silent or choose my words carefully

I would like to see the moderation of the forum change slightly.

Wherein a member can challenge an obvious troll or ner-do-well.

Members such as MaxtheBear, Chair, Madmick, DTX, TambourineMan, and others.

Not only does challenging keep the forum clear of such people. It also teaches members, how to deal with bullies, not only here, but IRL also.

If you challenge someone incorrectly, you can learn from that mistake, at the same time.

The greatest activisim, I see, is for our members to learn how to communicate better.

This can be done without massive flamewars erupting, thats where proper moderation comes in. A moderator should allow people to speak their minds, without stepping in and basically telling them to shutup.

Moderation is most needed when intense arguments occur, and really not until then.

That is what I most admired about CBC`s moderation style. She was always there observing, had no problem with giving her own opinion. Other than that she stayed in the background and stayed out of it, without taking sides.

1. I like the moderation as it is and I don't think the mods are too restricting.

2. Option 4: learn from others:
develop