Well I prefer shy sweet guys. Social dominance scares me. But I am so shy I need to learn to make the first move with a shy guy. Otherwise I'm screwed.

I did say I was generalising. Charisma and confidence definitely aren't requirements for me. If anything I find these traits intimidating and therefore off putting.

You both might consider that often times males engage in this type of behavior because they think that they are expected to do so.

I am not defending it.  I am simply pointing it out.  Societies determine our roles for us.  Even as people on the Spectrum we are not immune to that fact.

Personally, I am probably more on the shy/subdued side of things but that is more my nature than any choice I have made.

The interesting thing about "dating" in general whether it be for aspies or anyone else is: think about the ways that the current social structure has deviated from its natural state which I guess can be covered by the word "tribes". : )

In tribes a romance was not so much about splitting off from everyone else to live in two peoples' own little world, which is "beautiful" but ultimately just as antisocial as some people tend to claim people like us are. : )   In my personal struggles/triumphs with being aspie I have found that my mind seems more prepared to be living in a tribe, actually experiencing survival, in a large group and one where there were not "social norms" as much as there was the shared experience of survival and nature.

For me it is hard because dating is very connected to the artificial parts of our world for the most part.  Many women are taught to expect that good partners are "competent" men and even materialistic men.  As a person stuck close to being more of a natural human being than a modern human being, that second part is so hard, I cannot create the neurons and neural systems that crave material goods out of thin air, and they don't seem like they are going to ever grow!

I wouldn't have pursued my relationship with Hyperspace unless I believed(as I do) that we will work out.  It's been nearly two years, and that is highly unusual, especially for people of our ages.

+1. Scratch that...  +1000

My close NT friend (known since we were 12) has been divorced for a few months and probably already has had more dates than I can count (joined a dating site).  But it's not easy; even for NT men.  I on the other hand, have not had a date since my second ex-wife (divorced almost 3 years).  Even my friend has had some discouraging, frustrating and unpleasant experiences.

When it comes to dating and looking for love, the difference between me and him is that he invests alot of his spare time and money meeting new women; I mean to the point as if almost it was a job.  Compared to me, I need some time alone to get necessary things done and to persue special interests unless there's somebody I really want to go out of my way to be with. Granted he's NT and potentially has alot more in common with the pool of women out there than I would.  If it's difficult for a guy like him, you could just imagine how difficult it is for an Aspie guy.

A few months ago  I joined a dating site for plus-sized people.  I've had some few-and-far between contacts from different parts of the country (USA) but nothing that took off.  On my profile, I also don't mention anything about Asperger Syndrome, but describe myself as "different".  I figure the fact of having Asperger Syndrome can be brought up later on so as to not scare away potential suitors.  There is a woman from a different state I talked to a few times and I may meet her.  I'm also going to be introduced to somebody in person later this month.

Aside from that I have nil prospects.  I'm pretty much used to and resigned to the premise that I may be alone for the rest of my life.  I'm a very different kind of individual.  But still, I'd like to connect with somebody.  It's a bit of hope that makes me able to persue other activities and enjoy my special interests.  If I can meet and click with a "someone special"; and I mean somebody I can be me with rather than having to maintain a facade; I'm sure it will be very refreshing to be holding hands with that person.  I'm not an island and I need to find the right fit.

This post was last modified: 03-07-2012 09:03 PM by kevout2.

Frankly, to be honest, I am tired of dating and love.

I resent the implication that I should like it.

I am not a-sexual, just honest that I am tired of my sense of worth having to be defined by externals.

I've had struggles reading people, and hench forth my avoidance of yuna hu.

I confess an unfamiliarity with that expression.  All I can say is that people are extremely frustrating, and relationships seem to involve that most frustrating of species.

I think that I would like the whole dating thing a lot more if it were not about externals.  Other cultures seem to value philosophical conversation in dating more than mine does.

regarding "fingers crossed" post previous page)

Aha - first day at a new school - (was last week) and a girl has already invited son to play pool during lunch... (looks might have finally helped)

This post was last modified: 03-09-2012 06:11 PM by windy.

Congratulations, Windy.  That is a good sign of social integration!

As per my original thought thread, I have to conclude that certain dating nonsense is a mixture of genetic and cultural adaptations, along with *MAYBE* alien genetic manipulation if some of the alternative narratives are correct (just covering my bases).  So, what must be endured must be endured for the good of human mitochondrian and nuclear DNA replication.

Sounds romantic, no?

Excellent news.  Very good.  Maybe I should ask your son his secrets!