This is a poem i wrote today. Feel free to comment and critique.



On we walk, always pressing forwards,
through the darkness.
over mountains and valleys of strife,
with hope as bright as fire.
Sometimes we walk, somtimes we crawl,
lost in the dark.
But when ever we fall, a loving arm is there,
to help us up.
Always there, watching us walk on,
full of hope.
Always there, to guide us forward,
towards the light.
We will follow, to deaths embraces,
towards our home.

This post was last modified: 01-30-2012 08:16 PM by bookmaniac.

the first line.  forwards should be forward.

the words when ever  is whenever


to death embraces

is death's embrace

(grammar I do think counts in poetry)

oh and if it is we the whole time-- (Collective we) then towards our home is > toward our homes

That said, very nice!

Thank you for pointing out the grammar mistakes.

Not when it impedes the flow of the poem

True, not when, or if, it does... if correct grammar does not impede the flow, then, I do think...

Yes, yes, many poems do not follow rules.

Only the poet knows what he or she meant to say or convey with language usage.

(I adore poetry) I would not have said anything had the post not requested comment or critique.  

Any other poems?

Lost light

In the time of darkness
When we have all but fallen
And all that’s left is hate
The lost warrior shall find the light

When a glow lights the north
With bands of passed friends
The last of the brave shall take up arms
To fight the unseen enemy

On the final battle field
Outnumbered but filled with courage
The warrior, the healer and the blazing star
Face the darkness’ champion

The gate is opened, a choice made
Like so many before
A sacrifice for these worlds
The prophesy of old fulfilled

Thou the light returned
Evil lurkes unannounced
Friends made with plans
The future uncertain