I didn't know which forum to put this in, so if it's the wrong place then move it.


I'm an Aspie, but I only found out a short while ago from a teacher at school. My parents never told me until I asked them after that teacher said she thought I was, and then when I asked them they said I'd been tested as a young child and the doctors thought I was an Aspie, but they'd never let me know because they thought I'd grow out of it eventually or something. I don't really know what they said, I was too upset that they had hidden it from me to remember properly.

Knowing I'm an Aspie has never been part of my identity - of course it defines me as I am, but I never realized that's what I was, so saying "me = Aspie" doesn't feel correct in the same way that saying "me = gay" does. I don't know any other Aspies at all, and I feel like I need to have some contact with people who can understand me.

I just feel lost, I suppose. The only people I know in real life are NTs, and it feels the same way as it did when I realized I was gay. I think I just need some reassurance that knowing this isn't going to suddenly change my life in any way, and that there are people out there who know what it feels like to be like me, and that telling people about this won't cause them to turn their back on me.

I don't even know if this makes much sense, because I'm really no good at communicating my thoughts and feelings.

I didn't realized I was autistic till 7th grade in America, it was hard for me to accept.... Then again this forum was reassuring... Welcome to AFF....

If it makes you feel any better, the odds of you knowing another aspie without knowing it are actually pretty good. There are quite a few of us out there. Although, I can't pretend to know what you're going through. I've known about myself since I was nine.

Welcome to AFF.

(1) You are still you.

(2) You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.

(3) You don't have to let this define you.

Hey, JAGY, nice to meet you.  

I envy you, finding out when you were still young.  I didn't find out I was Aspie until I was 43!  And yet one of my earliest memories is from my first year at primary school, I was four.  And after only a short time attending, I used to think: "Am I different, or does everybody feel this way when they're in groups?"  This awkwardness and lack of interest in what other people around me were doing.  My fixation on my own interests, and how the flourescent light flickering and loud noises used to stress me out.  Not wanting to even touch the basketball we were forced to play because I could smell it had never been washed.  Being belted up after school because I felt uncomfortable meeting people's eyes.  Being a girl who was not social.  Stuff like that.  

I managed to get through the first four decades of my life reasonably successfully, but just thought I was some sort of freak until I got dxéd.  

So truly, it's better to find out young.  Then at least you know that you're not alone.  Welcome to AFF!

Alison

This post was last modified: 01-19-2012 11:47 AM by Alison.

Thanks for all the welcomes and the replies. It does make me feel better.

@Alison: That reminds me of how I always felt at school. I didn't know why it seemed so easy for everyone else to make new friends and keep old friends, or to just *talktalktalktalktalktalktalk* non-stop like they do. Now I do know, so maybe I can stop feeling like a freak when I do something not NT, and start just liking me as I am.

@142857: I think I can usually almost pass for being NT, so I guess you're right I don't have to tell anyone. I'm not sure I would be believed anyway, since I've usually always pretended to be "normal" all the time when I'm with other people.

I think we'd have to be the world's best actors and mimics, since we do so much of it to try to "fit in" in everyday life!  Nobody else is expected to change their entire way of looking at the world as much as we are, and with us, our unique culture is far more than the usual "brought up by the family to believe in this or that" but goes much deeper, right to our very neurology.  
Alison

I think we definitely are. I have done several theatre performances, and I always get congratulated on being "a natural actor".

I do find acting in theatre performances easy actually - everything is scripted and rehearsed hundreds of times, so it's very easy for me to look like I know what I'm doing. I don't have to think up a reply or how to react, because it's all been prepared beforehand.

... If only life was the same way!

Your post could not have made any more sense .. very nice post.

I happen to be a parent.  (Our extended family has a mixture of atypicals and semi-typicals - not too many totally nuerotypicals)... we did not tell our son, when he was smaller anything about a "label" that could be applied to him.  We hoped that he would just be atypical (we call that NOT average) and be happy and confident.  He was, until he became aware of social differences.  HE was happy until HE noticed.  We felt not telling him about some Doctor named Asperger was not hiding anything - when it becasme necessary (school wise) to officially doagnose, at around 4th / 5th garde, we still didn't tell him.  He "knows" now, but only becasue it is he who can look at some issues that some people on the spectrum deal with and relate... but he chooses not to define himself by some label.  Sometimes he does...  (His general character is not one of labeling- probably because our family is not big on conformity). Maybe sometimes he feels aspie, like he feels teen-age angst, or feels artistic...  We knew he would not grow out of (being who he is) but did not want him to change his path based on the name of a doctor (asperger). My point in addressing the issue of parents is their are tons and tons of reasons parents act like they do.  No instruction manual ever comes with any child after all. 

I should try to stick to your topic.  Your life is not any different now, (except that life always changes) nor should it be just because you have heard of a syndrome (set of characteristics) that were grouped together and given a name.  You are the same person.  You are you.  You may be able find some insight into yourself by looking at some people who are similar - or who have percieved things similar to the way you have.  

I don't know how telling people a name helps you or hurts you.  I would guess that it always depends on the type of person you are dealing with.  It is always ahrd to figure how anyone will respond to anything. In general having knowledge, the vocabulary and the confidence in yourself when communicating/sharing with someone..helps mold how THEY think abous something.

NEgative sterotypes and connotations can be overcome - but it is not always your job to make others get over their stuff.  Just like some people are strangely ignorant regarding sexual orientation. SO the cliche we have used many times on here is actually rather true.  If you have met one aspie, you have met one aspie-" People are unique..not all NT's are the same - and autism is a spectrum - very unique... like a rainbow.

This post was last modified: 01-19-2012 04:19 PM by windy.

That does make sense. Maybe my parents didn't tell me for the same reason that you didn't tell your son. Thanks for telling me that.

I have actually just watched Mozart and the Whale, and it really made me happy. I thought the characters were a bit stereotypical and maybe too exaggerated, but it was the first time I've watched a film and been able to see characters who are supposed to have the same feelings I do. I feel a lot better in general - I didn't realize quite how much anxiety I had about whether the label "Aspie" would really fit my identity, but it does, and now the anxiety has gone and it's beautiful and funny and good to be able to realize that a name doesn't suddenly make me a "weirdo" - I've been a weirdo all my life and I'm not about to change!

The quicker you accept that the farce of labels causes more harm, the sooner you can find a way to use reason to be a better person than others.

Three pieces of advice: Don't be held back by fear or anxiety, Scrounge up as much motivation to succeed as possible, Find out how to play the game (e.g. revise best for school, get a job easily, get friends and allies, skirt around bullied) without being a jerk.