It's happened to me a lot in life that someone will stop being my friend because some of their other (more important) friends don't like me.  My friend fears losing the positive regard they enjoy from these very important friends of theirs, and I'm history.  I wonder if this happens only to me?

No, it happens to everybody.

No, it's not just you.  I'm thinking back to a time in elementary school when someone said that she wanted to be friends with me but wanted it kept a secret because her other friends wouldn't be happy that she was associating with me.

i feel this way at school.
even tho most of the pepole are younger than me (i am 18).
i feel like if one person is my freind they mite hate me bc of there other freinds.
or laugh at me.
the other day a boy called me ugly.
it made me cry.
i think its bc his freinds dont like me.
i feel like everybodys freinds with everybody except me.
its lonly isnt it?

maybe it's understandable if you're still in school, if not then you know some very childish people. it gets better though.

This post was last modified: 01-13-2012 02:53 AM by nialll.

I'd rather have no friends than shallow friends like that.

Likewise, I was just about to say the same.

Well, not far off. What I was going to say, was that if somebody told me they were weren't sure if they wanted to be a friend of mine due to what others may think of them, I would be pretty damn quick in telling them that I have no time whatsoever for shallow dipshits or gossipmongers, and that as to being one of my friends or not, if they have doubts for that reason, they already made their choice.

I (LOL) agree with Lestat - except that you have to make some allowances when people are still young and learning... (or ignorant - and if you can instruct them in straightforward/unemotional way) sometimes they are too weak but they could turn out okay - don't write everyone off   - some of them will mature.

SO, unline lestat I would NOT name call them - or berate them - and I would try not to label and categorize everyone as equally dipshitian... if you want people to be accepting of your quirks/differences/difficulites - I suggest trying some tolerance (not acceptance) of a farily frequent NT problem of being prone to peer pressure during certain times of one's life...

Sometimes the bad choices are made when they are under stress (as if we/you have never made bad choices / poor repsonses when under stress...) If we don't want people to make snap judgements on us (that are lasting) and write us off quickly (after the first mistake) we could lead by example (sort of like the "high ground") and at least you didn't lower yourself to their standard...

No one is perfect - but respect yourself and be as confident as you can - try not to get crushed by other's weaknesses.

This post was last modified: 01-13-2012 04:23 PM by windy.

This reminds me of the four year olds I used to teach in preschool.  The more social they were, the more they tended to use "friendship"as currency.  By bestowing or withholding it they could manipulate others.  Whereas the AS kids tended to be very loyal and giving and could get really hurt if their "BFF" started to play silly little mind games.  

I agree with Lestat and Windy.  There's no point in jumping through hoops for somebody unless they're really giving you something back in the relationship.  Don't settle for crumbs.  You're worth more than that.  

Alison

Thats really why I have so little tolerance for those who as you say alison, use friendship as currency, play mindfuck tactics on their erstwhile friend/relationship partner. It is childish, immature and to be honest, I find that sort of thing so pathetic as to be barely worthy of contempt.

I have been in a few relationships with people who acted like that, and I ended them all. If someone starts trying to play me off against another, try to headfuck with me, I give them a chance to change their ways, I explain to them what they are doing and why its wrong, the effect what they are doing has on the other person, then tell them straight up that they are getting the chance, having been told that, to stop doing whatever they are getting up to, and that I just won't stand for being messed about-keep at it, and you are gone. Simple as.

Backbiting and treachery has no place in mind. I only pretend to act as amoral as possible to fend off prying eyes and/or people without a sliver of autism in them.


And if all else fails, I shall drink champagne. (like Michael York in a certain early 80s movie)