Marcia Wrote:

She sounds lovely, she sounds Aspie, and you sound overwhelmed.

I'm not sure what you're looking for here.  Your daughter sounds like my son in many ways - he was diagnosed when he was 7 years old - now 9 years old and doing fine.

It can be a bit of a jolt to realise that the behaviours you have enjoyed, laughed along with, seen as unique and precious can be viewed quite differently by others and in addition can be signs that all is not well.

   I am sorry I guess What I want is to know is She is only 4 dose this have to mean Lots of Doctors and ect right now Iv herd that the sooner the better.Butt my heart says I love her the way she is . I was told to look it up and Dont want to Upset Her She is verry Happy in Her House as she calles Her bedroom

I'm in Scotland and can only speak about the way my son was assessed and what happened afterwards.

It took 14 months from referal to assessment, and during that time the school (who had raised their concerns with me initially) started to put into place ways of supporting my son in class.  This included things like ways to distract him from banging his head against walls by encouraging him to recognise when he wanted to do it, and giving him short bursts of exercise to do instead, and breaking up his school day by giving him tasks to do, like taking notes to other teachers when he was becoming restless or agitated.  

He was also allocated a speech and language therapist (SLT) during this time who met with me, his teachers, and observed him at school before starting regular weekly sessions with him at school.  She focussed on encouraging him to be less rigid in the way he played with other children and to be more able to listen to others instead of always being the one who did the talking or laid down the rules.

The assessment itself took place over a few weeks and involved him being observed in different situations at school, meeting with him at school, meeting with me, his teachers, his SLT, and the educational psychologist who had already assessed him over two meetings with him.  He also went to a health centre for two more intensive sessions with the two specialist SLTs who did the actual assessment.  I wasn't present at these, but they got him to play various games, talk to them and so on.  They interacted with him in different ways and evaluated how he responded.

My son really enjoyed his assessments, and one of the times he was at the health centre he tried to send me away when I went to collect him at the end because he was having such a good time he wanted to stay!

With the diagnosis, the school and the SLT were able to formalise what they were already doing, and there was potential for them to get funding for additional equipment or resources if required.  He has also been assessed by an occupation therapist as he has sensory processing issues - these contribute to the picky eating, the clumsiness, inability to ride a bike or go a swing etc.

All along he has been treated very much as an individual, and his strengths recognised as much as his weaknesses.  In addressing his weaknesses, the focus has been on those which are likely to cause him problems as he grows older.  He has had an input into the process and sees and signs off a copy of his support plan.

This post was last modified: 07-30-2011 03:50 AM by Marcia.

Hi lynnettegr, it's nice to meet you.  You have described not only your daughter, but also myself when I was younger, and my own daughter, perfectly!  

A lot of the perceived "problems" we Aspies have is that we tend to mature at a far slower rate, emotionally, than our Neurotypical peers, even though our physical maturation is around the same.  Things like potty-training, wearing clothes, having baths, etc are all pretty much a symptom of our younger-than-our-chronological-age outlook.  Generally speaking, if your daughter is an Aspie, she will catch up to her chronological age, given time, understanding and patience from you.  

You will also need to be clear to her that physical pain is not an option for her to use on you, just as you would not use it on her.  Another trait we mostly tend to have is that we bargain.  The "you do this and I will do that in exchange", I've found, works quite well to get better behaviour.  Some Aspie children I know are like little lawyers, arguing the ins and outs of something exhaustively (I worked for years teaching preschoolers, and had a number of Aspies and Auties in my class, since a lot of the other teachers didn't have the "knack" I did with them and would send them to "Ali's class").

Most of all, when things get tough, as they do with *any* children, not just Aspies! try to remember that she does love you, despite any perceived lack of evidence to the contrary.  We don't tend to be a "touchy-feely" people, not really into physical or verbal demonstrations of affection.  But it's there, believe me.  

I'm proud of what I've achieved in my life, and I'm really proud of my daughter, who is now in her third year of Bachelor of Science study at university, planning on going on to work in the field of microbiology and/or parisitology.  If you provide the nuturing, your daughter is probably going to amaze you with what she can achieve.  For while we are a little slower than Neurotypicals to "catch up", we also go far beyond their wildest dreams once we do get up to speed.

And all the best!
Alison

Oh, I should have added in my last post: the sleep problems are absolutely typical of Aspie behaviour!  Even now, if I had my druthers, I'd stay up until 3 a.m. and then sleep until noon.  We tend, as a people, to be partially nocturnal, and it is HELLISH indeed to have to adapt ourselves to the Neurotypical trait of getting up with the sunrise.  Like forcing a whole species of owl to adapt to the diurnal habits of larks!  

One way I found with my daughter was to establish a regular pattern of: relaxing bath, cup of warm milk in bed, read a couple of her favourite stories to her, tuck in and kiss.  A nightlight is a good option, also.  If this is followed regularly, she will expect it and hopefully give you less trouble, as we are above all other things, creatures of habit.  Similarly, try not to let bedtime escalate into a huge fight, because that also will become a habit.  

It sounds scary, I know, but persevere, it's well worth establishing the good habits if you can, while you can.  If it's difficult and she really has trouble getting to sleep, some phenergan (anti-histamine) drops in her bedtime milk will be a big help, as it causes drowsiness and is quite harmless.  

Also, she doesn't need to get up and brush her teeth after the milk, so long as she did it before bed: milk, so long as it's unsweetened, will provide her teeth with a protective coating.  So she can relax into the milk, the story, and your presence.  Give her a task after reading, as well, while she lies in bed and for after you've left the room: get her to imagine every page of the book you've just read to her, each word and picture to herself.   It all helps to get her to relax.

I do hope I haven't scared you off too  much, but I must warn you that sleep time was a biggie with me as a child, and these are some of the techniques I employed with both myself and my daughter to help in creating a good sleeptime habit.
Alison

This post was last modified: 07-30-2011 04:24 AM by Alison.

Where are you from Lynette?

PA USA and you

I am going to move this to the Parent Board. Lynette, I will ask you to please use proper grammar and spelling, as your posts are kinda hard to read, thank you
-Bard

its ok ill just go somewhere else not quite shure what im doing worng plz delet this account and any post I have!!!

Quebec. You have done nothing wrong.

Just ignore that stuff about your grammar and spelling.  I can understand you just fine and so can all the rest of us who're interested in your daughter and you.

Are you feeling any more settled about what the doctor said?

Thank You everyone yes I have thaught about it and I am verry excited for Her and I.No longer do I have to care when People Look at us Like whats wrong with HER!!No longer do I have to feel like I fail her When someone says shouldent she be potty trained Or just let Her starve for a few days she will eat when shes hungrey And I dont have to think to my self how could I do that to her!!   I can now look for options to help Her in funn ways I have never posted on boards before never did I have a reason for lots of her Behaviors Before when People ask!! I really dont care what people think When they are saying what is wrong that she cant controle that KID!!   Yesterday we went to fair and when We first got there she got to walk right up to rides when more People started to show up that changed and She threw A fit when she had to stand in line!!  Knowing I could not Make her understand We left I could see lots of people Was upseting Her and our day Continued in the car I moved her car seat to front other wise she would try and hit  putt feet on other kids I knew I could not change that For the first time in a year We got to ride in a car where kids wernt yelling STOP that to her the HOLE TIME And I wasent yelling at her wandering why she wont listen!  I love her so and I can see that there is alote of things that She just cant change so its up to me to find ways around it!!  Perfact day number 1 TY TY  to all of you              And no just looking up syptoms helped her or I not a bit

Yay!  I'm really glad you had such a good day.  

This is one of those pieces of advice that might work for neurotypical kids but... not so much for aspie kids. At least not for aspie kids like my son. If left to his own devices he will go long periods of time without eating anything at all and then, when he does eat, it is only a mouthful or two. If we don't spoon feed him he looks as skinny as Ally McBeal after a few days. He is the same way with drinking water, he won't drink until he is dehydrated and then he just takes a sip because his mouth is completely dry. His pee takes on a dark orange colour and smells really strongly because it is so concentrated. We have to put food in his mouth while he is sitting still watching TV, for example, and when he takes a sip of water we say "drink some more, drink some more, drink some more" to make him take further sips.

Fortunately for us he isn't all that fussy about what food he will eat, just not very interested in food.  

When my daughter was 18 months and my aspie son was 5 my daughter was actually much better at feeding herself than my son was. She would pick up his spoon and open her mouth wide and say "AAAAHHHH" and try to spoon feed him like a baby - I guess copying how my wife and I spoon feed him - and he would, of course, refuse to open his mouth because of the indignity of being fed by a baby.

I'm glad to hear that the advice you are getting has been so helpful to you and to your daughter. She sounds like a wonderful kid and you sound like a really good parent.

Stephine dose not eat unless I bring it to Her mind I did not realize that is something to look for  in aspie  children !!  she is very big Girl
People would be very surprised to find out she eats very little!   One sandwich a day and maybe  2 cold hot dogs no bun just naked as she calls it.  She also will not eat it if she can see any crust? I don't like crust butt she gets very happy to see a pb and j Cumming but one sighn of crust you here it as walking away AWWW MAN she says It ruined . Same with chocolate milk that is the only way she will drink it and some how she can tell if it is off by one drop? If its good she will say Perfect then I get a thank you'

Yes, some aspies have hypersensitive (very sensitive) senses of hearing, or taste, or smell. Aspie kids can be very sensitive to things like the texture of foods as well.

I used to take my son to a cafe downstairs from our apartment and buy him a hotdog sometimes. He would either eat the bun or just the hot dog without the bun, never both. And lots of tomato ketchup.

This post was last modified: 07-31-2011 12:09 AM by 142857.

When my son was about 3 years old a few other children in the street who were a similar age came to our house to play.  I was amazed because they kept asking me for something to eat, which my son never did, and then once they'd gone I had to clean the floors because there were crumbs everywhere!  

My son is the same with crusts, although he will eat the rest and leave very big crusts.  I tried buying bread with no crusts, but he just left the edges uneaten anyway.