There's evidence that television, video games, etc can mess up someone's attention span when they're older, whereas there's evidence that playing music can make you score higher on IQ tests and use your brain more evenly.
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I'll agree with you on television, not the video games. You do not interact with video games passively like you do television. It takes a lot of attention to the game in order to acheive at it.

Then again, I'm not surprised as gaming is this generation's Elvis. Playing music involves very similar attention and acheivement as gaming does. The only difference is it doesn't involve an electronic screen, which it seems more and more parents fear exposing their kids to until a certain age.

Gaming teaches puzzle solving skills, and encourages patience to acheive over time. I wouldn't have done half as well as I did in school, without the problem solving skills I learned from video games. I'm tired of this nonsense that video games are some big scary boogie man.

They are the sort of thing that people can get addicted to, if they have addictive personalities.

thanks all, I will pass along your posts.

With me personally, I believe all kids should contribute to family life by helping eachother out in some way (housework for example).  My son likes doing the vacuuming (despite not liking loud noises) and putting the dishwasher and washing machine on, and helping me hang up clothes.  My in laws never got my husband to do any housework or contribution and if I have to be honest, it makes my life now pretty difficult as I really need the help but I don't get it.  There's no way I want to risk my kids being like that because it will possibly hurt their future relationships.  I also think that in our case it teaches consideration of others and that if you want stuff in life, you have to contribute and work for it.  I'm not going to give my son whatever he wants in the sake of "letting him just be a kid".  If doing housework helps him feel a sense of contribution and importance then more power to him.

I also agree about 6/7yo being too young for a lot of things like computers, DS's, etc for entertainment.  My husband has gone against my beliefs and allowed our son to play too much computer, cell phone games etc... this has really affected my son's behaviour in negative ways (son's counsellor was concerned) and it's a huge sore point for me, my husband is in IT and spends most of his time on his computer (he works from home) and my son is being influenced that way.  But that's a whole other story.


Just got off the phone with my friend, they had a bad morning today because the son wanted his own way at OT and when he was told he would not get his way while behaving that way (shouting, threatening) he kicked and punched the OT.  Yes they do explain why it's unacceptable etc but the boy appears not to care (their words).  Also that sometimes giving an immediate punishment isn't easy when the child doesn't give a crap (like the list of consequences they wrote up, he didn't care about any of them this week but last week he did).

I don't think using the exclusion approach, like making the child miss out on family or social outing, is helpful but this couple is desperate to get their son to understand that he can't hurt people (he will only hurt when he's angry or has been provoked).  So they told him because he has hurt people every day this week, they think there's a good chance he will hit someone tomorrow which is the zoo visit, so they have to stay home.

This family was seeing an ASD psych whose advice was always use a sweetiepie voice and say "sweetheart, we don't hit".  All I can say to that is if we did that to my son, he'd truly be out of control and this other boy's behaviours are worse instead of better.

I know with my son, you can't really get through to him if he's in that freak-out mindset but afterwards when he has calmed down, he will feel upset about how he has made others feel, but he does the denial "I don't care" or "no they are not upset with me, they want me to play with them again!" (he cries as he says this because he knows it's not true and he's trying to convince himself by saying the words).

A lot of autistic people have gotten accused of attacking someone when the other person used force first. If you're sure that's not what happened here, then you're in a different set of territory from just not doing the dishes and I don't think most of us can really help you since most of us are NOT violent. However, my gut is to say that there are probably things going on that make him more likely to recourse to violence (like witnessing it at home), if this is not true I definitely cannot help you because that is a parenting issue more than an autism issue (even though they can and do overlap).

It really bothers me that you can segue into violence like that is just totally normal. It's not normal, not for us and not for most children.

This post was last modified: 03-29-2011 02:36 AM by qwert.

I was at my son's school today because his class were putting on a show about the Romans.  While I was there his friend's mother told me that my son has been hitting her son.  Her son sometimes does hit my son back now, as according to her adults weren't responding.  I thanked her for telling me, and I have since spoken to my son about this.  He says that he hits his friend about once a week, but that it is accidental.  I explained to him that as far as his friend is concerned it doesn't matter whether it is accidental or not - he is being hit.

Now I know about this, I'm going to arrange to meet with teaching staff to discuss it.  I am aware, from the teaching staff, of a couple of incidents between my son and his friend in the past, but it seems that it is still going on.  There is a background to this which is pretty complicated, but I suspect that my son is possibly being given more leeway than his friend is, and I need to talk all of this through with the school.

In relation to household tasks and so on, I share golaki's view on all of that.  It is important that children play their part in being a family and all that involves.  It prepares them for their future life as they grow up, and it also encourages them to see that other people have value too.

The same thing can be said of drugs and food. Would you rather your child be a junkie, or have gaming as a hobby?

(meant to say (ANY CHILD) but perhaps it can be worse for a child who gets obsessed by things.  - I have my very aspie who has always been that way - and yes I would rather he be obsessed with reading or drawing at age 7 -- I was SURE that as soon as the pandora box was opened , there was no turning back....

What I mean - I think I wrote it somewhere - is that kids - if started so young- will think ANYTHING else is boring compared to SOME really immersive/exciting video games.  I find when our family has no technology/tv (like on a sunday) actual CREATIVITY occurs - because the fixation on video screens flashing occupies the brain (mostly of my boys - my daughter can transition better). Of course the "Adults" in our house follow the same structure (not rule).  We stay open on Sunday - so we can naturally and organically interact.

Yes, I just saw was Louise18 wrote- some things can be quite addictive (and I think that young brains are more succeptible - aspie or not.)

golaki-- I get really frustrated when I hear that so called professionals (an OT) could not handle a situation enough to NOT GET HIT.

Can they not see it coming? ( I mean the frustration). Aspies send out VERY CLEAR SIGNALS!!!

(Adults) Caregivers are supposed to NOT let things get to that point. ("angry or gets provoked") You can;t help a person who isn't ready to be helped - you just ADD to the stress!

Just how many hours is this kid being forced to comply?  OF course he should not go to the zoo.  Obviously the kid is overwhelmed B(by somethign).  They better figure out (the parents) how come their 7 year old child is so stressed.  IS someone forcing him to do "socialization therapy", "jump thru hoops",  has anyone talked to the child to ask him about OT? OT is VERY expensive and if it is maming him WORSE and not better then, DUH! Stop the therapy - the OT says "we don't hit people"??? Okay, but she/he forces the child to do stuff he does not want to do?

Let him excercise at home or take him to the park instead.. maybe the OT smells bad, or is a wack a doodle.

The whole point of parenting is to PROTECT a child from thigns they cannot handle.  

Doctors/theapists FIRST DO NO HARM.

They are teaching a child the "Coping mechanism of striking out".  It is the only thing - that works... maybe they should ask the child.

A big difference - in my opinion- between aspies and NT's is how SET and determined they are from a much younger age to be treated like an adult.  I know my aspie son needed some control over himself.  He could not - not EVER stand to be around people who treated him like he was stupid.

respect - he has to earn it - and so do the adults he is FORCED to be with.

I just read the other posts- I replied after reading just the first one-- and 142387 said what I am saying (and said it better) HE IS NOT just an underling!

This post was last modified: 03-29-2011 02:37 PM by windy.

I really disagree with making children do household chores. I refused point blank to do a single chore until I left home, and I think it had a positive effect on my academic performance (which was very good)  as it meant 100% of my work time went on school work, the rest of the time was thinking about schoolwork or downtime (which I needed to keep my stress level down).

As an adult, I am pretty laid back about housework, and could probably do with being more organised, but it's not like I live in an unhealthy environment, nor has it damaged relationships with people I have lived with.

I actually don't agree with making a child do chores. I refused point blank to do a single chore until leaving home and I think it had a positive effect on my academic performance (which was good). As an adult, I am fairly slovenly and disorganised, but not to the point where my environment is unhealthy or where I can't stay on top of my responsibilities in shared parts of the house.

I was having a discussion about this with a friend (who is extremely meek and compliant, and always did more than his fair share in shared houses at uni. He said that he thought some of his friends would have gotten into our (prestigious) university if their parents hadn't demanded chores/saturday obs, and that not having to do anything outside school was one of the reasons he got the result he got. That also plays out with my sister who had a Saturday job for longer than me and did more in the home, and did much worse at school despite having an identical IQ.

Re the hitting- probably you should find out why he is being so provoked. I only ever really hit my sister, once hit my mother and once hit someone else. Usually it was because she was doing something injurious to my interests and not being punished (or not being punished sufficiently harshly for the distressed caused). I hit my mother because she hit me first (and no I am not willing to accept that parents can hit if children can't) and I hit a girl at school because she spent 20 minutes trying to trip me up. I can't imagine he is doing it for no reason.

@Marcia if he is hitting his friend, it may be that he expects that to be an understood part of how he and his friend resolve conflict. I would be quite happy to be in a relationship with someone where a certain degree of physical violence was the norm if the other person had a similar temper to me and was fine with being hit back. My point being, that if you want that to stop, you will probably have to get his friend to tell him that this is not an acceptable part of the relationship anymore, because you saying he shouldn't as a third party isn't really relevant since you are not getting hit, and it doesn't seem to be him victimizing someone else.

It sounds like you 're romanticizing boredom.

Boredom can teach children how to structure their own time and create things using their own imagination, rather than someone else's.  I have a (successful, well adjusted) friend who said he enjoyed playing games but felt low after playing them, whereas other hobbies (like writing and reading) he enjoyed and felt a sent of accomplishment after, so he gave up games in his (very late) teens.

The few games  I played as a child I got obsessed with, irritable if they were taken away etc. so I just didn't start any of the more advanced/involved games as I knew they would have a negative effect on me.

And yes, I do also have problems with caffeine and food addiction. My personality is that way, so I have to be careful about using things that are addictive generally. I am not saying it is this way for everyone, but for anyone inclined to obsess, there are healthier interests than videogames.

This post was last modified: 03-29-2011 05:22 PM by Louise18.

Well that's the thing, people equate gaming with unhealthiness. Yet I don't hear we should ban books, kids sit around reading too much they need to be active. It's tomato tamato.

Err no, books generally improve children's minds for the adult world in a way that video games generally don't. I am not saying they don't have positive benefits, but they seem to get out of control more easily. I don't know of anyone who dropped out of university because of an addiction to books, for example.

What I was trying to point out is that there is an unfair stigma against gaming, simply because it's the new thing, and parents don't understand it. You seem to be fixed on the stereotype that every gamer is playing WoW till 3 am, drinking Red Bull and doing nothing else.

What I'm saying is gaming should be viewed as a hobby, the same way writing, or piano would be a hobby. Not tied into this hysteria that if you let your child game at ten, you'll have a neckbeard living in your basement playing WoW 24/7 the rest of their lives.

P.S. No offense to WoW players, it's just the only majorly popular MMORPG I know of.

This post was last modified: 03-29-2011 06:02 PM by violet_yoshi.