I went to the doctors' surgery yesterday and saw a GP that I don't normally see. I went because I've been having breathing difficulties when coming in to contact with various things and I'm concerned I may be asthmatic.

After we had discussed this and he told me to arrange an appointment for my lungs to be assessed in various ways.

I was just going to leave, but because I've been getting so stressed at work about things that I can't fix. I asked him what he knew about Asperger's. He admitted that he didn't know a lot about it but asked me if I thought I had it and why. I told him some of the things that made me think it was a definite possibility. He said that did seem likely but it was important to remember that largely it is a difference rather than anything else. He also said that the only Asperger's specialists he knew of were paediatric psychologists. (I'm 30). He said he could refer me to a psychiatrist but he seemed hesitant when he said it. He seemed to concur that an autistic spectrum disorder was not necessarily a good thing to have on one's medical records and was of the opinion that a psychiatrist would not actually help.

I wouldn't even be thinking about this if it wasn't for work. My family and friends know me and accept me for my little idiosyncrasies mostly. I think even my mother is starting to accept that I'm not out to intentionally offend people. My boss is constantly harrassing me about not showing empathy with customers, chatting with them (read small talk) and building rapport. It has not been a problem before. People call me because their broadband, phone or TV doesn't work and I fix it. They don't seem to have an issue with this 'cause mostly they just want their services to work. She has me listening to conversations to pick out when I should have said something in a different way or commented on something. There's other stuff as well and I'm starting to feel quite victimised. I don't know whether an official diagnosis would help or if they'd just use it as an excuse to get me out the building using it as evidence that I'm unsuitable for the job. She might as well point and say  'You're not like us'. I feel like I'm in high school again.

In some ways an autism diagnosis can be used against you. I've heard of autistic people having their children taken away from them with their autism being the main justification and I know people can de facto force drugs on you for all sorts of reasons. At the same time, even though some people will take you more seriously with a diagnosis, people are never going to stop trying to dismiss you by saying you aren't autistic enough (or aren't autistic at all).

I got diagnosed because I needed accommodations in school and help with getting a  job, plus I justifiably did not have faith in my ability to "pass" for the rest of my life. I'd rather people think I'm autistic then think I'm dangerous. I don't regret being diagnosed.

This post was last modified: 03-16-2011 07:56 PM by qwert.

I wouldn't suggest disclosing anything to your boss. If your job requires customer service having a diagnosis like Aspergers would be considered a bad thing and you could lose your job.

There are tricks when it comes to customer service. Mostly it just comes down to saying certain phrases or asking certain questions and pretending you care about the answer.  For instance, if you were in the process of working something out and the customer was waiting on the phone, you could ask them 'how their day was going?'. If their answers involves something that sounds vaguely complainy or that they are busy, you could respond with something like 'yeah, it's a bit like that' or 'I know what you mean, at least the weekend is just around the corner' or 'that's no good, hope your day improves'.  You could also ask a question about their answer. Basically you don't need to say much, just a few vague things. It's also always a good idea to remember their name and use it occasionally in the conversation.

Yeah, in general you should only disclose if you need accommodations, in order to provide discrimination. That said, if you want to disclose anyway it's your right to do so and IMO no one should tell you that you can't. It bothers me when NT people try to tell me who I can and can't tell about myself because I feel like they expect me to be ashamed of my problems and differences.

I would have to disclose in a job at some point because I know I wouldn't be able to keep up the NT facade forever, and if I don't explain then I'm not protected under the americans with disability act.

This post was last modified: 03-17-2011 01:17 AM by qwert.

By the way, thinking about your post more carefully, I think that if they're not getting complaints about you they could not reasonably make an argument that you are unsuitable for the job, since your job is to help people fix things and supposedly you do a good job with that. That wouldn't necessarily stop them from trying, but it doesn't mean they necessarily will try to do that either.

If you really can't meet people's expectations over the long term that's when you NEED to disclose IMO. If you can find some way to do what your boss wants without it coming at too great a cost to yourself, that would be best; if you can't then you can't.

This post was last modified: 03-17-2011 01:31 AM by qwert.

When I've done the empathising thing etc. she complains it sound fake. Well no sh** Sherlock. She also complains that sometimes my voice goes rather monotone. In all honesty, what I think I really need is a new job, or at the very least a new boss.

That could be true (although of course you're not talking to a forum full of expert person conflict negotiators). My voice does the same thing; it confuses me that some people will take a lack of expressiveness as hostility. Assuming you're pretty sure about autism/asperger's, you're probably right that this is related to that.

I personally have not yet had a job- granted I'm younger than you. But keep in mind that you're lucky in that respect compared to many other people and don't do anything drastic until you have something new lined up...

She does sound rather awful. Nobody can help being who they are. You're there to do a job, not to be chatty.

I agree you need a new boss, because this will not change if she hears about any diagnosis. On the contrary, she may use a diagnosis as an excuse to get rid of you. That is not allowed in many jurisdictions, but there are subtle ways of making people's life impossible that are hard to prove legally. If at all possible, find a new job (or as you say a new boss - maybe in a different department?)

I can't afford to just quit, I'd need to have something lined up. I'm pretty sure about the Asperger's. I've thought for many years that I have a lot of autistic tendencies. I only dismissed autism because I had no delay in speech. I started talking at four months old. As a child I was described as very eccentric by my teachers but academically I was advanced so there wasn't seen to be much of an issue.

I hadn't heard of Asperger's. It was my partner who sent me an autism/Asperger's test because she thought the symptoms described me perfectly. I am lucky in that I have a job. I have, however been fired from jobs before.

I worked in a shop selling made to measure kitchens and bedrooms once. The big boss came in and asked me where my boss was. I told him I had no idea, I hadn't seen her that day (which I hadn't). He asked if she was usually in by now. I replied "not always". I had no idea something was wrong. She got in a lot of trouble and I got fired. In retrospect, had I known there was an issue I wouldn't have lied for her anyway, but I think most people would have.

When I was much younger I worked part time in a pizza/burger/kebab shop run by Turkish people. Sometimes I would be on my own with them for hours and they would speak in their native language. If there wasn't a lot of customers it would be quite isolating. I do pick up languages very quickly though. One of the guys (Majid) didn't speak English, so he asked one of the other guys (Abass) to ask me to move the stuff I was doing on to another surface so he could roll out the pizza bases on the largest surface. I picked up and moved the what I was doing before I was given the translated version. They looked at me in sort of shock and Abass asked how I knew what was said. I replied that they spoke in their own language for hours in front of me, so I was bound to pick up something. He replied that James hadn't, (the delivery guy) and he had worked there for years. I replied that I wasn't James. They then started making a point of leaving the room when talking. I found it extremely rude. Later that day when Majid was told to put four rolls in the oven for the burgers I corrected the instruction, in Persian, to three rolls because one of the burgers was a half pounder (there would be two burgers on the same roll). I got told not to come back that night.

The fact that I am not one of the herd causes issues in employment. People generally don't like that I am different and they seem to think it unreasonable somehow on my part that I don't lie. Difference is not tolerated and one must be assimilated.

I love being on this forum because it feels so good to have people who think in a similar way to me. I've never really had that before. I do, however, need to find myself a job where they don't expect me to totally reverse my nature.

I have trouble with not lying too. I have problems with it in many situations ethically but the truth is that I have a hard enough time just communicating what's true sometimes. People have told me that I should have lied during job interviews and that I could have had a job by now if I did, but if I have to lie to get a job the employer will expect me to do things I can't do. You're having issues with that now (monotone) even though you didn't lie to your employer, you couldn't even blame them for that if you HAD been lying.

I do hope you can find something were you aren't discriminated against that way.

This post was last modified: 03-17-2011 03:51 PM by qwert.

Maybe customer service isn't the best job for you.  Perhaps data entry or other sorts of admin/IT work would be better.

If you do want to keep this job though, maybe try to have some moments on the phone where you aren't doing anything else and are just focussing on the customer. I find that I can't do two things at once, which means that it shows in my voice when I'm not focussed on the customer.  That might be why your voice sounds monotone at times.

I've worked in customer service before.  A lot of what I would say to customers would be the same. Before I answered the phone I would have to recite the 'answering script' in my head (so I could say it properly) and I had basic prompts written down in front of me so the conversation would move in a similar way all the time.  It was only when different things were introduced that I became stumped.  I was never very good with thinking of something to say on the spot.  Customer service did give me a lot of anxiety, so these days I prefer to do data entry or admin work instead.  Sometimes money is more important though so I just take what I can get...

This post was last modified: 03-18-2011 02:23 AM by MindMatter.