I just got back from a meeting about my child's behavior at his school, and they are saying that one of the possibilities that they want to concider is having him go to assisted living.  My son is and 8 year old aspie.  I told the school that having him live away from home is absolutely out of the question, and they told me that would be a last resort if he continues to refuse to behave at school (attention seeking, and not wanting to do homework).  For the past month, now, they have been sending him home after being at school for about 3-4 hours and I have him do his work, and tutor him here.  It has been working well, I have no issues with his behavior at home.  He does his school work, and makes some sort of effort to understand it.  Now they want to try having him "officially" go to school for 1 hour per day, and do the rest at home.  I told them that there is no way that I would allow him to live anywhere other than at home, because it would be devistating for him and for the rest of his family.  They then told me that they would bring in social services if I didn't agree to their plan if doing only 1 hour of school a day doesn't work out.  Can they do this?!  It is absolutely frightening to me to think that someone could just take my son away, solely based on his behavior in an environment that he apparently doesn't care too much for.  He is treated well at home, and happy as can be (when he is at home).  I feel absolutely stuck and powerless in this situation.  They won't even let me come to school with him to identify what is setting him off, or to regulate and calm his behaviors before they can escalate.  Has anybody here come across this type of problem with the schools?

We would need to know whereabouts you live before we could even begin to give advice about the legal situation as it varies so much according to where you live.

What I would suggest is that you keep a written record of all conversations you have with school staff; try as far as possible to deal with issues in writing and keep copies of what you send them and they send you; keep a diary of your son's behaviour, school work etc.  Basically, have written records of as much as possible so that you have that information if need be.

Sorry this is happening to you and your son.  I've not had any experiences like this at all.  In fact, I'm just back from a parents' teacher meeting which was very positive.

This post was last modified: 11-10-2010 08:55 PM by Marcia.

Get legal counsel now. Ask your legal representative for further advice on what the school and social services can actually do and ask specifically where you stand with regards to homeschooling or registering with an alternative school if possible.

If he's only going in 1 hour a day anyway, then you should seriously consider just homeschooling - get yourself in touch with some kind of association though (there's various homeschooling associations who can offer you far more precise advice).

But the most important thing is to get legal counsel now and have them formally request the school to elaborate their precise concerns.

What does assisted living have to do with an 8 year old?
(I'm just wondering because I can't picture it clearly)

This post was last modified: 11-10-2010 09:00 PM by Genesis.

They are trying to say that his educational needs aren't being met by the school, and that they can only be met in a long term care facility.  He is high functioning, by the way, so there is really no other reason for that to happen.  I am furious that they would take my child from me simply because of educational issues.  I brought up the option of home school at the meeting, and apparently, in the state of North Dakota you need to have a bachelors degree in teaching to be able to do that (which I obviously don't have time to get).

Gareth is right you need to find a lawyer it seems the school is forcing their opinions about your son in an inappropriate and unjustifiable way if as you say the school is threatening to take your child away then something needs to be on a legal level but above that it seems that the school has no understanding of aspergers syndrome if they are calling it (acting out or attention seeking behavior) or an unwillingness to work with your son instead of against him

Just do the best you can.... because the school system these days is starting to become a little whacked as it I know because they dragged me into a program which I fought for it to be only a year instead of three to four.

They wanted to withhold the diploma you EARNED for 3 OR 4 YEARS?? Genesis, your story keeps sounding worse and worse, they should never make it seem like you could be put there INVOLUNTARY for ANY REASON especially when you DIDN'T EVEN NEED IT! No wonder they wanted you to be declared incompetent; it would make them more money getting them another client (albeit a forced client).

short answer.

In the USA - NO.

My kids school has intermittantly tried to act like they could force me to do all kinds of things with my child... (medicate etc.,) as if the implicit threat was that what they wanted was in his best interest and what we his paretns wanted ignored the best intersts of the child.(and we could be cahrged someohow with neglect)...Meanwhile having a child officially considered disabled someone makes them think they get to control/have a say "disabled/different" kids more than "regular" ones. Like do they think they should "intervene" with a parent who overfeeds their kid - a kid too large- how about one who gets picked on for having pimples -Perhaps the parent lets them have soda)...


Unfortunately the only way to avoid that is to get our own independent doctors etc., (to have "people") to back up our claims to cancel out their claims- like a court case.

I have found the best defense to be a good offense.. write down every mis step of the school - (how they did not protect him while they had him, every mis diagnosis etc., ) and act like you will make THEM accountable for their errors.. they may leave you alone or listen more to you - depends on what you want...

obviously you want what is best for the child...hope you don't let them scare you and doubt your instincts -

ALSO - in the US - the law states that they are supposed to keep him in the "least restirctive environment" AND with his peers for as much as possible... over 40% of his day etc., look into the "least restrictive" rule

Also, I am looking into perhaps getting my son - who will be in high school next year- maybe getting his coruses over in half a day.. that would work for him perhaps... sometimes a whole day is just too much...

IF THEY ARE admitting that THEY are not meeting his needs - THEY are on the hook to pay for someone to meet his needs! It IS the law that they meet his needs - in the least restictive environment - the one most convenient- if you want him at school - they need to teach him to his needs/level. period.

BY THE way-- "monitoring" is necessary if the person does not have a degree...
  here is the most current info

North Dakota
HOME | LAWS | ORGANIZATIONS | CASES | LEGISLATION | HEADLINES



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September 29, 2010
Legislation Needed in 2011


Unless the North Dakota Legislative Assembly repeals the expiration date on favorable changes to the homeschool law made in 2009, home educators will once again find themselves saddled with more unnecessary and unreasonable state oversight.

On April 22, 2009, Governor John Hoeven signed into law House Bill 1171, making significant improvements in North Dakota’s homeschool law. Most significant was the change that a parent with a high school diploma or general equivalency diploma (GED) no longer has to be monitored by a state-certified teacher during the first two years of homeschooling. Prior law required such monitoring if the parent did not have a baccalaureate degree. Parents without any diploma must still be monitored as before. Also unchanged by the 2009 legislation is the exemption from monitoring if the parent is licensed or approved to teach by the education standards and practices board or has met or exceeded the cutoff score of the national teacher examination.

HB 1171 also changed the law to permit the home education to take place in a location other than the child’s home, so long as the program of education is supervised by the child’s parent.

Under current law, monitors no longer are required to notify the school district that they are monitoring a child receiving home education. Apparently, the legislators considered this requirement to be superfluous, since monitors must already report student progress to the public school superintendent twice each year.

The law now in effect also addresses high school diplomas issued to students completing a home education program when seeking a diploma from the child’s school district of residence, an approved nonpublic high school, or the center for distance education. Prior to the enactment of House Bill 1171, a student could seek a diploma by meeting the issuing entity’s requirements for graduation or, in the alternative, could complete 21 units of high school course work required for public and nonpublic schools. Students utilizing the second means for obtaining a diploma are now required to complete at least 22 units and must complete 24 units beginning with the 2011–2012 school year. Twenty-two units will be required if the current law expires.

The date for expiration of the law enacted in 2009 is July 31, 2011. If this happens as scheduled, North Dakota’s unique status as the only state in the nation requiring monitoring of homeschooling parents by state-certified teachers will once again extend even to parents with a high school diploma or GED. Parents will also lose the flexibility they now have to supervise their home education program in a setting other than their own residence. To retain the freedoms of current law, the Legislative Assembly must repeal the expiration date to make the changes permanent.

As an alternative to retaining the changes made by the 2009 legislation, a completely new homeschool law could be enacted in 2011 to address not only the problems addressed in 2009 but also the other burdensome provisions that have plagued North Dakota homeschoolers for decades. However, the risk involved in seeking such sweeping reform is that if this effort should fail, even the 2009 advances may be lost.

The North Dakota Home School Association is preparing a legislative strategy for the upcoming 2011 session that will best serve the interests of home educators

This post was last modified: 11-10-2010 10:58 PM by windy.

I think West Virginia allowed you to teach up to your level of education minus four years.

Ergo, a college graduate can teach kids to high school graduation.

I could homeschool someone halfway through college.

Somehow I think even with the laxity of how the principals protect the civil rights of autistic and Aspie kids, it is still superior if nothing else to have a multiplicity of adult perspectives in various subjects. What I think is true is these adults frequently have specialized training in their subjects (math, science, history). Poor mommy can't keep up with that kind of team effort even if she has a degree.

I had many good teachers in grade school. The last thing my mom wanted was to deprive me of that...

This post was last modified: 11-11-2010 06:46 AM by Shrek.

This is the most awful story I ever heard about any school. Would another school be an option? They obviously haven't got a clue. As if getting a child who is not at risk out of his safe home environment and from the people he loves is EVER an option!!

Schools always say they have your child's best interest at heart, but meanwhile they have their own agenda, and that takes priority over your kid. Never forget that! For instance, my school tries to get anyone who is the least bit weird into special ed. I fought hard and my son has stayed where he is and is doing well now (with some chemical help - see Ritalin thread).

As Gareth says: get a lawyer, because you never know what the school can get up to.

I have actually been looking into transferring him to a different school.  The issue there is that we live in a small town with limited resources for children with disabilities.  Yesterday I found a private Catholic school that may have a special ed dept that I need to check out tomorrow.  This morning I forgot it was Veterans Day, and took my son in for his 1 hour of school.  I cried all the way there, and was almost unnaturally greatful that the place was closed when we got there.  That put things a little more into perspective for me with regard to my own feelings on the matter.  I am sick with worry over even leaving him there for an hour, because I can't bring myself to trust them anymore.  Obviously I can't just not take him, so tomorrow I will have to face those feelings and just do it.  It's going to be hard to resist the temptation to sit outside in the car and wait for him.  I intend to make some calls tomorrow morning and see what I can do about getting him transferred.  Part of the school's problem is that they are trying to push me to medicate my kid.  I went along with it for a while....my poor son has been on just about everything (and, boy, let me tell you, the pediatrician that he went to is an absolute quack, she put an 8 year old kid on Abilify!).  He suffered from extreme anxiety attacks, space out episodes, weight gain (weighs 127 lbs...and he is 8!).  Only the Risperidone helped, but only for a couple weeks.  I have a strong feeling from him that he will learn something only if you can make it interesting or relevant to him.  If he feels like it is not necessary to know, for whatever reason he justifies to himself with, he won't make an effort to learn it, no matter whether he is medicated or not.  He also may not know what it is they want from him.  I have run across this several times with things like learning colors, and shapes...he didn't know what we were asking him, but he already knew them, we just didn't know he knew them.  With potty training, of course he was capable, but he wouldn't do it until he was 6 1/2, because why learn when mom will wipe your butt for you, right?  As soon as I started making him clean himself up instead of me doing it for him, he realised that it was much easier to use the toilet.  I know how my kid thinks, but the school refuses to undersand, and they think that if they make him into a zombie, they can standardize him.  I get the feeling that they are not happy with me refusing to keep letting the docs use my kid as a guinne pig (sp?), so they think that he needs to be sent to an assisted living boarding school 5 hours from where we live.  I absolutely will not let that happen, and I no longer trust them.   Erm......sorry for the rant.

they are picking on weakness, it has nothing to do with yr child

In my case Ritalin is actually helping. My son is like yours: we always felt he knew things and so did his teachers, but he could never do a test. Now he is catching up with all the tests he never made. But medication isn't always the solution. His classmate takes the same medicines but they don't work so well for him.

In the end the parents know best. Yes, you need help, but you decide where and how you get it. If anyone tries to take away that autonomy from you, they are wrong! Unless a child would really be at risk, but I have seen no sign of that in your thread. And I have met enough stupid teachers who just refuse to listen to parents (or to children for that matter).

This post was last modified: 11-12-2010 12:10 AM by Earth Mum.