You wouldn't say that if yours was physically and mentally abusive. I couldn't eat in the morning too sick. My dad got mad at me a couple of times and picked me up and slammed me on the chair so hard I threw up stomach acid in my mouth and had a tummy ache all morning. I was 4 years old. I never was comfortable with him in the room. I would be so nervous I would knock over my drink only to anger him and have him beat me for it. He also hit me if I cried as if that was going to make me stop saying "don't cry!".

Ouch

i hate living at my parents' house. tonight my parents got home around 11, had been out somewhere and drink was involved. my dad is such a massive dick when he is drunk, he winds my mum up and she takes the bait and soon stuff is being thrown around whilst i'm trying to finish cleaning up the kitchen. everyone suffers when this *** goes on. i wish i could afford to live away from there all the time. unfortunately i'm not with someone well off like my sister whose boyfriend part owns the house they live in with others from their uni.

and all of this having to do jobs around the house to "keep the peace". i have no objection to pulling my weight but it bothers me that apparently i'm doing it to stop my dad from attacking me again. unfortunately i've nowhere to go, no mates to see and no money to do anything with. i hate it here so much. i want out but i'm stuck til september, assuming the letting agency gets off their arse and answers the phone so that loose ends on the room i'm trying to let can be tied.

Oh yeah I end up not being able to stand him when I go to his place every other weekend too...he usually gets stuff wrong (like lets say he yells because this and that but he has what happened not 100% correct) I will try to tell him but he will tell me to shut up or not to talk back...wtf is that talking back stuff anyways. If I would be called doing anything by most adults it'd be called "making an excuse" even though im just calmly explaining something.. like for example my father is talking about me idk reading all day or something and not going outside and I just want to say that I was outside just yesterday and I havent been reading that much lately but he doesnt like it when I do stuff like that...but I have to say it or I will implode..and just other unfair stuff. sometimes acting kinda immature for an adult

Yeah and a recent thing that happened was that my grandmother said that Id never gotten my hand in the chair to look for my stuff right and I just told her that I looked in the chair and turned it over and everything but my father told me to be quiet! like wtf! so when an adult says I did or didnt do crap I just lay down and get in trouble/lectured? And then when I told my grandma heres the bottle I even found under it (as proof) he gave me the hugest rage eyes....like wtf. and then when he told me to go to the car (and he was right in front of me) I passed the gap inbetween him and the door and he grabbed me saying I had better learn how to say excuse me. I figured he wanted me to just pass him since I was right on him when he said "Go to the car"... and then he said Id better watch my mouth and talking too. Its also annoying when he says me or my sister gave him some look when we didnt or was having an attitude but when I try to explain that I also get into trouble.. I even have to speak for my sister because I cant just let her get talked to for something she didnt do.

This post was last modified: 08-19-2010 04:00 AM by mels8780.

I wonder if abusive parents are unusually common for us. And what that might mean. Certainly most aspies shouldn't be parents, and maybe this thread is what happens when they are. Or maybe like 98% of everyone has abusive parents but NTs lie to themselves about it.

Your relationship with your parents decides so much about you. When I hear "once you've met one aspie, you've met one aspie" I think well yeah but maybe we are all very very very similar just with different traumas.

My dad once beat the crap out of me because I shook a spoon to dry it and some of the water went near him. He thought it was malicious. He was Lou from Fight Club, I just held my hands behind by back and kept standing back up and laughing at him. Last time I saw him.

This post was last modified: 08-19-2010 04:09 AM by dtx.

aww :/ thats horrible. My father wasnt really all like that but I remember an incident where he either picked me and kinda threw me down on the floor or at the wall...i think it was closer to the wall though...and he used to give these horrible spankings..more like beatings..even his hand would do. He was strong. He used his hand in the car when I didnt answer a question fast enough (I think it was about something I did that was against the rules). Yeah I dont get that dont cry crap...so now im not allowed to feel about you hitting me hard? my mother told that my sister Oh stop crying and blah blah when she obviously couldnt help it and wouldnt immediately stop anytime soon and even when she was trying to quiet down shed say it again...I think my mom was just mad that she had such a reaction as if she (mom) did something that was bad which she did..something like that anyway.

Sometimes I wish I could be away from my parents too for summer breaks. The only time I'm actually away from my parents is during the fall and spring because that's when school is in session and I attend a school far from home. Luckily I gotta go back soon so I'll finally be away from my parents again for a while (yesss lol)! I feel really bad for you though. Your dad sounds worse than mine. I don't know much to say but good luck avoiding your dad and hope all goes well for you.

More on having me do things. He has other sons and a daughter there too, but he always come to me first. I know I was the spoiled one, but it'd be nice to have a break from his orders once in a while and just leave me alone. He gives me long lectures about stupid little things too and often repeats himself, which I hate. And no he doesn't know brail.

Not really to be honest, but thanks for sharing anyway.

True... sometimes, but not always.

I guess you're right. A lot of people do need a father. While my dad may not be the greatest, I still gotta learn to tolerate it. Did you grow up having one at least?

This post was last modified: 08-19-2010 04:37 AM by Thunder Knight.

:'(

Only saw the beginning of that movie and never saw this Lou guy in it, but damn that terrible... I think Aspies could be parents if they're raised right. NTs can be bad parents too. I guess its just how one is raised and grows up.

Damn that's horrible... I hate it when parents are abusive.. mine arent as much as you guys', but it still makes me sad reading about people's abuses. You're a great sister btw. She must be very lucky to have you.

Growing up is hard enough even without having an angry, insane, abusive parent.

Add me to the list of those with an abusive parent. My father spent the first 19 years of my life saying that he was going to make me hate him... and the next 9 years wondering why I hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. He made it too easy for me to hate him, and I have never felt more than a single moment of guilt.

And it used to p*** me off when people said stuff like "at least you have/had a father" or "he is your father so you have to love him/forgive him". These days not so much, I guess if you haven't been through it you can't be expected to understand.

My dad was abusive and generally violent too. He took drugs and stuff and he used to try to burn me and eventually got even worse and tried to kill me. Me and mum knew he hated us, then again he actually hated everyone. He ran away when I was one, leaving me and mum alone and returned randomly over 6 years causing trouble. The encounter I still remember was on my 7th birthday, when he tried to strangle my mum in front of me and my grandparents (who were too old to attempt to stop him).

Then I remember my grandma leaving me alone with him when I was 11.... :/ and I was really not liking that moment. My mum was annoyed when she found out. A few months later we ran into him in town and he was waring a handbag and nail varnish and said he wanted to be female....that was the last time I saw him (thankfully!). What was annoying throughout my childhood was my grandma saying that I should get him birthday cards and stuff for father's day when I never knew his birthday and he never was a father.... :/ all my other relatives knew how he behaved, but she was under the illusion he was fantastic.

I strongly disagree, and I think that this kind of pessimism is what keeps a group of people down.  That's like saying women shouldn't vote because they're silly and airheaded, or that deaf and blind people are only qualified for the most basic jobs, if any.  Its nonsense and its not what brings about neurodiversity acceptance.  

I do think that aspies need to be self aware and know their limitations.  We tend to have problems with our temper (guilty here...) and we have to have aquired the appropriate coping skills before becoming a parent.

That's what I meant. From what I've seen most aspies are underexperienced and would be a danger to children. Most NTs are a danger too, but they don't learn from experience like we do once they're grown up. Most people shouldn't be parents, that's obvious from meeting them.

I think some people forget that it takes more than fornication to make a parent.

yuck... just yuck! I get it in my head that there aren't as many monsters out there as I once thought there was, then I read *** like what's in this thread that changes my mind.

me too...

I was a single teenage Mum and Aspie, motherhood was daunting for me. But my Mum, who always understood me when others didn't, taught me that children dont conform to the need for order and organisation that I have. I learned to let my son be his own person and do things in his own way. I discovered that my world didn't turn upside down if he didn't want to arrange his toys in size order. It was hard but with support Aspies can be excellent parents. My love of numbers and words meant I had taught him to read and write and do basic arithmetic by the age of 2 1/2. He benefited from my aspiness.