Of all the places in life that I go, and in all the things I do, I always expect to meet difficulties, but, when it's your family, it gets hard to stomach. They know me, the way I am, but they don't understand or pull any punches when we're in conversation. I know I should be glad we all get on well, but it gets upsetting when for some reason, you can't make yourself understood to the people that suposedly know you best.

Everytime I have conversations with them, I end up getting laughed at for something, and a lot of the time, it's not because I said anything that wrong, it's just because it didn't come out right or I couldn't make it obvious I was telling a joke. I've always thought I was quite good at expressing myself, but how come every time I make an ironic statement, my own family just think I'm being stupid? It seems a bit hypocritical, when they do the same thing all the time. I don't know how I differ.

My mum says I'm "easy to wind up" - so why is she trying? If I ask a question, I don't expect a third degree and it irritates me.

My friends say I'm "oblivious" to people's feelings or that I'm "intense" - but maybe other people's worries are so trivial, and too fickle to get involved with. And since when was intensity defined by having a special interest in a subject, knowing and being able to discuss it in detail?

My brother says I over-analyse jokes. It isn't because I don't understand them, or don't find it funny, I just think it's interesting to see where the plot-holes are, in a way. It confuses me that he thinks like that, because he often thinks about things in detail as well. Can't they all see that it makes me stressed when they take me up on things I can't help and have no control of?

He says, "Aspergers syndrome is not a syndrome because anybody even slightly offbeat can be considered Aspergian, and then eveybody could be Aspergian" but what he doesn't seem to realise is that recognising the differences is important. Even though my family all know about me, they don't give me any breaks or even recognise that I can do nothing about all this. This is more that being offbeat - this is difficult to make work.

It's one thing to be called eccentric. That's the bit I can deal with, because that's the bit everyone else can deal with. But why am I blamed for it? It isn't my fault. I don't want everything I do different to everyone else thrown in my face. Just 'cause it's different, doesn't make it incorrect.

This post was last modified: 07-25-2010 10:33 PM by Ady.

These are all hard things to deal with. When I was younger, I dealt with this kind of thing from my parents all the time. I don't have any radical solutions, but talking about it would have helped me. I had nowhere to go, and no one to talk to, so it's good you can come here. Say whatever you need to say. (((HUGS)))

Right now I'm finding stabbing my bedside cabnet with a swiss army knife quite therapeutic.

My parents loved to make me suffer. You get over it. They'll be old and weak soon.

Ditto to Ady. I only feel comfortable, supported, understood, and cared about around my friends. I don't even feel safe at my own house. I am very picky about word choice, as that is how my brain has compensated for lack of nonverbal processing abilities, so when I say "house" instead of "home," it's because "home" is supposed to be where one feels loved, appreciated, accepted, and respected. I don't feel any of that with my family, so my house is not my home.

Be you and accept that they will be them.

The most hurtful betrayal of is one made by family -- not just one or two members, but an entire family that turned its collective back upon you when you needed them the most.

At least they know better than to come to me looking for a handout.

To be fair...if you say ''get over it'' it is not helpful.  Just feels as though you'll have to be tough to get through it.  The most hurtful situation to be in is when family members treat you as though your a lower than mud.  Just be you, there isn't anything else you can do. It's hard at times to deal with because you feel so alone even if you aren't alone...good luck.

"Snap out of it!" and "Get over it!" are the two most destructful sentences a family member can make to someone with autism or AS. It implies that we are no different that the next person and we think and process things the same way. We don't.

More family fun:

"Oh, just get over it!"

"Life isn't all about YOU!"

"D'you think you're SPECIAL?"

>

'Do you want to make me have a stroke/ heart attack?' as eg

Interesting..because I've had that mentioned to me on and off here and at home and it just makes things worse...when in actual case all that is required is some support even if there is no advice avaliable....and I wasn't referring to your post, perhaps I worded my post wrong but all I meant was having someone say ''get over it'' is not helpful.......

Oh Ady, you sound so similar to me, my mother has always said to me too that I am "so easy to wind up" and I'm "soooo intense" and selfish and draining and demanding and difficult to be around

I think what Bloke said is good advice, you'll never be able to make some people understand, so accept yourself and accept the fact that the majority of people will NEVER understand, people are what they are.  I keep myself to myself and my true thoughts and feelings to myself now, it's best not to reveal much at all unless you have to or if the moment or person is right and receptive.

I used to break pencils and rip up phone books when I lived at home.  If that what gets you through it, then its fine!  Just don't get more destructive or self destructive.  

Its hard to think back to that time.  If I could tell the "me" of that time anything, it would be to hang in there because it does get better, and that you're really a worthwhile person despite what they tell you.  You're just different, its like criticizing a diabetic for not being able to eat cookies!

No matter how hard I tried now that my mother is terminal in the hospital my family realized it'd be a great time to get rid of me, and if it wasn't because my only friend shelters me right now I'd be in the streets.

That's all the experience I have with family. They don't want me in because I am odd and they say I make em feel uneasy. I am now 18, but when this started, I was 17, I recently turned 18.

I could be wrong, but that's all that's ever been taught to me.