Why am I always so nervous whenever I'm under any requirement to do anything? I feel it when I have to call people on the phone, I feel it when I have to hand in an assignment or meet a deadline... When I have to judge anything, or offer any ideas to anyone... I even feel it when I just open my email inbox, even though nothing important ever comes through.

I'm supposed to be trying to find a job and, although I don't object in theory, the idea of being responsible for something - anything - and being relied on to do it well really, really scares me. I know my limitations; some things I can never do, like waiting tables (dyspraxia, memory problems, bad interaction skills etc) but everything else that involved any new skill or expectation from others is like this heavy weight of insurmountable pressure.

There's a lot of odd jobs I need to do at the moment, and I'm making lists to do everything in the right order but I keep putting off making calls and going on websites, or even returning my broken laptop because I feel like when something has to be done, and there's a time limit, I'm backed into a corner, even if the thing itself is well within my capability.

What should I do? It's not like it's a good excuse to not find work, or be picky about work, be bad at the simplest things or just not show up.

Responsibility has always made me very anxious.  I think, it's because I don't want to make mistakes etc but then again, it could be other things that whilst I know that I do become anxious with having responsibility I do not know the full circumstances as to why.

Sorry, this isn't very helpful.

Yes, I'm nervous about being expected to take on responsibility - I think I was expected to take on too much at too young an age and failed miserably. I now know much of it was due to just being a child and not being ready.

I have all this.  I have it every day.  I am phobic about my phone ringing, emails, snail mail, paying bills, anyone from work calling, getting to work places on time, doing anything that will affect anyone's life.  It's constant and painful.

   Recent research that I've done on the Internet seems to point to people who have low seratonin, dopamine, or any of the others separately or in combination feel this way.  So I guess this is the way low self esteem feels.  Unfortunately, part of autism is the low functioning of the chemicals.  And we are born with it even if we have fantastic upbringings.  Pretty much I always feel afraid and in pain except when I am doing something mentally interesting, and even that is really just distraction.  So the best hope is to find a way to work alone or with other spectrum people in a profession that is wildly interesting.  I don't have a profession like that now.  So every day is painful.  But that's life.  Just try to get support from someone who can encourage you to do the scary things, like checking email.  It sucks, pretty much.  I have hobbies now that are wildly interesting.  That helps a little.

I've just turned down a promotion at work because I would have to manage people. it would have nearly doubled my present wage but I work alone in my own little office at the moment and couldn't handle the thought of being with so many people let alone "managing" them.
So I've basically given up the opportunity to earn an extra £8000 a year because I cant grow a pair. I'm actually embarrassed to admit it.

This post was last modified: 07-06-2010 07:34 PM by cynara.

To original poster

Maybe you never got enough praise for accomplishments in the past.  You might just have to congratulate yourself.  Many jobs don't give praise just criticisms.

Wow!  I never knew others felt this way too, Ady, ditto everything you said, I shy away from so many things because of this, almost every kind of job terrifies me because of this, I've always felt a total complete wuss and failure because of this   

Zoey, I appreciate your research, I had no idea it was related to low levels of seratonin and dopamine, I always thought I was this way due to my character flaws and being a weak introverted person who is terrified of everything.

Perhaps in my case it is due to perfectionism - I either want to do things well or not at all.

It's not perfectionism for me, it's fear.  Fear of not even being able to understand or do a task even adequately.  Like answering a phone, if there's a lot of background noise I can't focus on what the person is saying, and sometimes I can't even make out what they are saying if they have an accent or talk too fast.  And being put on the spot, I get all flustered and start stuttering or mumbling, I sound like such an idiot, I need time to think first.  So it's more about not even being able to perform a task that is sooooooooo easy and simple for most people.  I get terrible brain fog too and am petrified of making a mistake that could cause people a lot of hassle and get myself in trouble

I think also, I have suffered so much humiliation in the past, it has paralyzed me.

This post was last modified: 07-08-2010 11:47 PM by ethereal.

I know exactly what you mean. I have gotten better over the years, but I still tend to shy away from being responsible for others as I have a hard enough time being responsible for myself. In my case I believe that it relates to executive dysfunction.

Check this link, all will become clear:

http://home.comcast.net/~kskkight/EFD.htm

One extract from the link that may be relevant:

But there is another element of the problem.  People who have Executive Dysfunction tend to develop pretty negative beliefs about their ability in the areas where their problems are most visible.  Despite more than adequate intelligence they just can’t seem to do well in those activities.  Since diagnosis of the problem has only been available in the last 7-10 years as advanced technologies allowed new observations of brain function, many kids (to say nothing of parents and teachers) do not get the understanding of what’s going on for them until they have already developed defeatist beliefs and feelings about their potential in the areas where their dysfunction shows up the most.  For some this is in language based activities, and others find it in visual/spatial reasoning and math, although it does impact  functioning across most of the areas of their lives in one way or another areas as well.  

This post was last modified: 07-09-2010 01:37 AM by 142857.

I think what you're afraid of is doing something wrong. I have that fear too.

Yes, I certainly have that and of being yelled at for making an error.

I almost think it's built into Aspieness somehow.  I don't seem to have executive dysfunction.  But anything that I feel someone could get mad at me for is so unpleasant that I want to block it from my mind.  I don't get upset at my mistakes as long as no one else will find out about it though.  But no matter how many things I do right, I beat myself up for the one little thing I do wrong.  But this is only in the work area.  In my personal life I could care less what others think.  

    Could it have something to do with fear of being able to fend for ourselves?  I am always feeling like I am one step away from homelessness even though I know I could go back on permanent disablity if I ever needed to.  I find that if I focus too much on what it takes to keep a roof over my head I start to feel paralyzed.

Even now I spend many hours daily journalling - that is - talking to myself in writing. I don't recall when I first started doing this, but it must have been when I was a child, because I used to use the backs of sheets of paper that had typing on the front and were destined for the waste bin, correspondence courses that my studious parents had finished.

In my teens I graduated to using 'exercise books' that I bought with my own money from my newspaper round; and, when I started full-time work, my employer supplied me with as many pads of A4 lined paper as I needed because my job required my keeping a record of my work on a day-by-day basis due to my memory problems.

When pc's came along, I used to stay on at the office late, writing my notes up using the word-processor system; and when I bought my first pc for home, I used the word-processor system on that. When I was still working (I am retired now) I kept the journal on a memory stick that I could use on my home pc and my office pc.

Consequently, I had a system of keeping order in my life, assessing risks and judging my performance, and of keeping records I can look back over and see in hindsight. That maintained my self-esteem as I could judge I was a useful member of society in the work that I had done; and had made many less mistakes than my automatic negative thoughts always told me I had.

Yes - I still sometimes prevaricated - but not out of fear - only about ensuring I did things as well as I possibly could, first time and every time.

I suffered severe memory and personal identity loss when I was 15 and again when I was 38 and having my journals between those two events to read up helped me keep the latter one a secret and enabled me to keep my job and the security for myself, my wife and my child, and also to develop a sufficient new professional persona to progress to more responsible positions in the organisation I worked for when the time was ripe.

So I would advise anyone who is afraid of responsibility to make journalling a habit. Keep a small pad of lined paper in your pocket or handbag to make brief notes on to write up in more detail later. Start with the date and include the time, as they put you in a reporting frame of mind and are helpful aides memoire. Even if you forget to write them up in detail later, you will at least have cryptic notes to refer to if anyone asks you for a verbal report and you will be well-regarded for your disciplined approach to your work.

Hmm, the span of answers makes things clearer... No doubt for me it is a fear, but I think it is a fear that derives from perfectionism, and not wanting to do anything wrong. I already know that if I think I won't immediately be good at something, I tend not to try. It's just too much of an ordeal for me.

I seem to have a great number of problems that are defined as "executive dysfunction" as well - thank you to 142857 for posting the link and bringing this under exposed issue to light. I hope there will be more reaserch into this, as it will not just help Aspies and those with ADHD but all sorts of people who have trouble with meeting goals and time limits.