I was officially diagnosed last week and have started the process of telling people.  My wife was not surprised, but the other three people have been.  My college adviser's first words were, "But this is based on self-reports, right?"  My mom, who has known for two and a half months that I was seeking an evaluation, still objects to the possibility.  And now today, seeing my regular doctor, he didn't believe it either, even after reading the four-page evaluation.

I find it frustrating that I've only told four people and three out of the four tell me that either I'm wrong, the psychologist is wrong, or both.  When I read the evaluation, I realize that some things would come as a surprise.  My adviser doesn't know about my academic difficulties, particularly in completing assignments, because she's looking at my near-4.0 GPA.  My mom doesn't know about my social difficulties because all she remembers is me having friends, not the fact that she used to force me into social situations on a daily basis.  And my doctor... well, forget him, he's been way off twice in the past and... well, no need for a tangent.  I don't like him.

I'm almost feeling like I need to be more impaired to "prove" to them I have AS.  And that's the thing - my evaluation only uses the word moderate.  Moderate social difficulties.  Moderate difficulties in the use and understanding of non-verbal cues.  Moderate.  Moderate.  Moderate.

I put on a really good "face."  I try to hide my AS characteristics.  Have I hidden them so well that people refuse to believe otherwise?  What do I have to do now... act more impaired?  I'm fine with acting NT - to an extent - if it means that I won't get bothered.  That's the very reason I do many of the things I do in the first place - to not be bothered.  But I'm not about to act more impaired simply to prove something to people.

This will happen , as a lot of people will think you are using AS as an excuse.  They usually do this because they are not educated in what Autism is . Be patient with them , try not to let it bother you.

Glad you got an official DX.

That's what bothers me about my adviser's position: she is the director of the school counseling program at my college.  She knows an absolute ton about autism.

I don't know.  She's taught two courses that I've taken.  I realize that my papers are badass.  I realize that I'm a good student.

But she doesn't see certain things.  She doesn't realize that I only raise my hand in class because I have come to know that it is expected - though I'd rather sit in silence absorbing information.  She doesn't realize that it takes me probably 4-5 times as long as it should take to write a paper because I get distracted and stay on tangents - all she sees is a good paper.  She doesn't realize that I force myself to talk to my classmates - though in truth I find them to be incredibly boring and single-minded.

I've come up with a shorter version of my OP:

I feel like I've been acting NT my whole life.  When I saw the psychologist, I presented the uncensored version of myself.  What he saw was AS.  All these people are used to me acting like a NT and now refuse to believe the AS diagnosis.

Hi Bilbo, I'm afraid that some people will NEVER believe you because of their own ignorance, because you don't fit their stereotypical view of autism and because some people only see what they want to see.  I have experienced this so many times when I have disclosed to people that my son has AS or when trying to explain my own difficulties.  It is so damn annoying and frustrating *bangs head against wall*

The shocking thing is that many so called "experts" can't even grasp it either, I remember a psychologist and a social worker visiting my house to assess my son, they said he didn't have AS, were adamant about it, (they saw him in his most comfortable enviroment, never once saw him anywhere else where he would have FREAKED out and their assessment of him was pathetic tbh) yet the doctor and the paediatrician she referred us to (who had trained extensively in ASDs and was the head of the local SEN unit) were adamant that my son DID have AS and they diagnosed him, also the speech and language therapist who performed part of the assessment agreed he was on the spectrum.  So we had all these people who were arguing about it!

I think that some people who work with more severely autistic people/kids, (like the psych & social worker who came to see us)they don't get those that are on the lighter end, and they can be pretty opinionated and arrogant about it.

Try not to let it get you down, say nothing and secretly think "*** you" (which is what I do lol) you'll one day not have to deal with most of those people, or think of a good line to say that points out their ignorance.

I've been in the same scenario, I had to go all the way to Pittsburgh from Chicago to get an "offical dx" as well, only when I thought it was going to be Aspergers it was High Functioning Autism... but then I tried telling a child hood friend and he won't believe me.

I get, that, too.  I get the impression that as long as you are articulate and seem intelligent, people are going to be reluctant to believe there could be anything "wrong" with you.

I've only mentioned it to a couple of people. I feel like people who really know me would not be doubtful or surprised if I told them. One of my brothers is convinced it is heavy metal toxicity mimicking the effects of autism, he believes that our whole family is suffering from long-term heavy metal poisoning. But that is another story.

This is who I've told and a short version of their reaction:

Wife - Accepted the diagnosis, with some degree of disappointment (she was hoping it was something more "curable")
Mom - Refuted the diagnosis, my guess is because she feels guilty it was not addressed earlier
Sister - Accepted the diagnosis, but asserts that I am likely to be higher functioning than most on the spectrum
Adviser - Refuted the diagnosis, implies that I exaggerated when self-reporting
Doctor - Refuted the diagnosis, but he is clueless
Friend - Accepted the possibility, does not know enough about AS yet to judge

My one neighbor friend from when I was growing up was really excited for me about the diagnosis.  We had many, many very excited hours of discussion.  Such as, "OH OH and like when you *whatever*, THAT TOTALLY RELATES TO THIS!! IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!"  It's kind of funny looking back on it. lol

You've made it further than I have. For me it goes like:

Wife - Accepted it (even suggested it in the first place)
Step-daughters - in denial
Son (16) - Makes fun of me (puberty, nothing else!)

...
well, that's it. Several people know of my 6-year-old son's dx, though. His grandmothers reacted just like your Mom.

I am exceptionally good at hiding my AS as well and many people - even professionals have difficulty believing I'm on the spectrum. They don't understand that seventeen years of observing other people's behaviour and noticing differences in myself has caused me to adapt and contrive my behaviour/persona in order to survive the ignorant, judgemental cesspool that is society.

It may be that your mother, college advisor, and doctor are unwilling to accept the diagnosis, because they believe being an aspie is inheritantly bad. If you believe this is the reason, I suggest you get them to read 'Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's' by John Elder Robison (and other such success stories), it may change their views on asperger's.

People have their own baggage. Hell any contentious issues and you will get strong opponents on both sides of the debate and not always intellectually or ignorant people either.
Just be you and to hell with everyone else. You are you. You were you before the diagnosis and afterwards. The only one who needs to get any benefit out of the diagnosis is you.