I note that since the first post on 4/7 - pigeon has not yet returned - only 4 days though. I know for me, weekends are busiest --and mid week I have more time.

Hi, I have been here - browsing the site in the eves, its school holidays and we are stuck at home many of the days I have off work as we have workmen in the house, so my time has been spent trying to keep the boys entertained.
thanks for all the replies, it has certainly made me feel that a diagnosis, any diagnosis, will be of benefit.
A is already seen as a 'bad' child, neighbours, friends, relatives already make comments like they assume we dont discipline him enough, and social interactions with them are often 'eventful' so we tend to be excluded, which I dont mind to be honest as im not the social type but then I worry that they will never learn 'proper' social ways.
We do discipline, fair but firm discipline, but it has no effect on A, and so often I have been in despair wondering what we are doing wrong.
Its not that i want to use the diagnosis as an excuse, more that I want the guidance to help us help him improve his behaviour, because I feel a lack of understanding on our part, especially his father, is not helping him, and much of his irratic behaviour is because we dont get how he works. My parents took me to a child psychiatrist when I was the same age as A and I was given diazepam for sleep disorder but that was the extent of the help available in the 70's. Often i think that if there had just been more understanding I wouldnt have been so anxious and 'away with the fairies' as my parents always said, and school and those childhood years could have been easier.
With that in mind, often i say to my husband, if you explain this and that, or perhaps if we did things this way, but without someone else other than me telling him this... he thinks I am 'pandering' to him.
Earth Mum, it was interesting to read about anger making your son scared, as A is very scared by anger, yet he gets extremely angry himself. My little boy will shut down then run and hide if he is told off, or things dont go as he thought they would, and absolutely nothing will get through and unwrap him. His nursery teacher used to say he was having a 'contrary' moment as in obstinate.
I think I am going to phone the clinic and find out how long the waiting list for appointments is, at least if I know roughly how long we will have to wait I can get my head organised for the wait.

with a diagnoses you can go to places where everyone is in the same boat we go to a autistic night at crazy kingdom its on once a month
when the pressure of social judgement is lifted  you can relax and the kids are surprisingly tolerant of each other

pigeon the sooner you get a diagnosis the better best to get it now then to wait not only will you have a diagnosis the sooner you can go and look for services and supports your 8 yr old will need and will be eligible for.

Phoned CAMHS today and they have said they are 'told' to tell me there is a 12 weeks wait for an appointment, not quite sure what they mean by that, but if it is a 12 weeks wait that puts us end of May. Not as bad as I had thought.

Hello pigeoen--

I feel that the expectations of others has a very negative effect (and mostly for my son - expectations of himself with him knowing he is doing the best that he can and still falling short - is very frustrating-

Feeling and seeing and hearing the tones of voices that are directed at him - is like a physical assault.

You will note on another thread some defining bullying - as being treated differntly -  

For my son, even being treated the same as others isn't good enough -if the others (kids like him) are not being respected for their thoughts and ideas... (like temple grandin understanding the feelings of cattle - people don't like to be treated as such...)

(I don't know about any of you guys now or when you were kids but - doesn't it bother you to feel forced into acting and thinking and doing things just like every one else - or else be thought of as bad.

That is disrespect  -and unjust.  Disrespect brings helplessness and anger..........


I think it is a main character trait for those on the spectrum. the KNOWING that people are unique and should be respected (not yelled at not ever) and also the rule of respecting teachers/adults even thought they have done NOTHING to earn it from you... (No two way street - dichotomy)

I have definitely always known to my core that all people are unique and should be expected, but I very easily will not respect people that haven't earned it.  I will show the socially required amount of respect when there are consequences for doing otherwise, but I will not feel it and if there are not consequences it could really go either way how I will act.

atypical - very true, I was quite 'lucky' in some respects as when i was growing up my parents fully embraced the idea that everyone is different, they took it to extremes in some ways but we were never compared, or expected to be 'normal'.
I was homeschooled until 7 then again from 13 - 15 and so much of the normal pressure from peers and teachers was lifted, we had a large homeschool network, with parents and children that didnt 'fit' the stereotyical child/parent idea.

I wish so much that I could afford to give this to my son, who I feel is in some ways victimised for being 'different'.
Given detention for minor issues where other children are being given a ticking off, not being taken seriously when is is scared or upset, expected to be organised and being disciplined for not being so, the list goes on.

He is put under pressure to conform to ways of behaving, which i feel are not important. For example I dont feel that someone should be forced to take part in a spontaneous class 'treat' if the child feels it isnt a treat and doesnt want to participate.
Obviously for the sake of order and learning there have to be some rules and structure, but at school they are given no rights to be individuals and to express and act on their own preferences. It is very much a be  'part of the crowd' mentality which I dont agree with.

And respect,  I feel everyone deserves respect as an individual and have brought the children up with this, to respect authority yes, but to use judgement and not blindly follow.