"they say that by refusing to talk to me until he is ready he is trying to control the relationship and conduct it on his terms without letting me have any say"

I say that expecting to have it your way is no more commendable.  I'm guessing your NT friends are women, and that they would view your controlling the relationship somewhat differently.  Just guessing, mind.

Some time ago I drew a line under contact with a female NT friend.  A line was crossed, and so another was drawn.  I read one email in which she suggested she was 'owed' an explanation.  I told her a line was crossed and so another was drawn. I didn't read any more emails.  Then a few weeks ago I bumped into her somewhere where I was dependent on someone present giving me a ride home - she offered, I accepted..there's no malice or grudge held on my part, and she appears to believe we were 'on a break' and told me I could phone her.  How that interpretation is bearing up now that I haven't phoned her, I don't know.

Your man at least says he'll talk to you when he's ready - do you really have a problem with that?  I would have thought that the longer the silence continues, the greater the chance of the resolution being one that you want and one that lasts, rather than you forcing him into a confrontational exchange for which he is not prepared, which will likely lead to lines being crossed and lines being drawn in short order.  Are you in a hurry to have it ended, or prepared to wait for it to work?