I'm glad things have calmed down.

It's always more difficult to manage yourself when your stress level is high...

Phew....

It's a touchy subject because I was left to fight my own battles and never really did. All I learnt was that adults could not be trusted or relied upon and neither could other kids. Anyway, it looks as if the OP is doing the best she can to work with her kids so that is very positive.

Pakrat, please continue to share your experiences.  As much as I'm trying to 'get in the head' of my son (my husband too actually) to know exactly how and why his thought processing is occurring, I also need to get inside my daughter's head and look at things from her perspective.  It's looking pretty likely that she's Aspie too so I want to be even more sensitive to her needs.

I used to secretly think "gee I wish some other kid would just give son a good whack so he can learn the lesson the hard way and never hit again".  That happened a year ago, but my son retaliated and insisted "if he hits me I will hit him hardest of all!"... I also found out other kids at preschool had punched him and he was retaliating for months after, by giving them a whack every time he went past them.  He is definitely an alpha male type and tries to exert control in a situation and I'm sure he'd be like this anyway if he wasn't Aspie.  But with the social skills therapy, he is learning to give and take.  Still mostly take, but the giving is pretty cool when it happens  

Thanks, Golaki. I probably misunderstood the situation to some degree. I suppose the only way your son would take much notice now is if a bigger and stronger kid hit him but then that would only be a repetition of what happens if he hits a smaller and weaker child so it wouldn't be good.

I don't think alpha male traits are always welcomed in modern society with the trend towards s.na.g.s but they are fine within reason. A certain amount of well-harnessed aggression is needed in order to keep oneself safe and that goes for girls and women too. What happened with me is most of the aggression got turned inwards and it still happens because if I get a sore or I get sick, I tend to neglect it until the situation gets very bad.

Family members keep asking me for money. I can't even say no to them although other relatives say I must.

I also have the occasional meltdown. The only thing is, in recent times, I've been having more small meltdowns instead of massive ones maybe once every 6 months or a year. It is progress I think. Hopefully, there will come a time when I can deal more calmly with aggravations right when they occur instead of bottling up the anger. It is certainly a long process.