I'd suggest taking her, for just a few minutes at a time, to new places that you think she may enjoy, when you're not in a rush to do errands.  Maybe a quiet playground when there are no other children around, or a walk in the woods, something like that.  You mentioned that she likes mechanical things; maybe you could take her to a shop that sells interesting gadgets, at a time when it's not crowded.

If you try one new place a week, for example, and make it a positive experience.
What I do, is avoid places that are busy, or confusing, such as a busy supermarket. I go when its as quiet as possible, and I always go to the same one so that I, and my son, can be very familiar with it.

For somewhere like opticians I get appointments when its very quiet, like last appointment on a weekday.
You could try and talk to her about where you will be going, and describe it.

I think its very hard for any kid to go around a lot of places at once, so I try and limit places in one outing, such as 2-3 shops, once a week.

Try to talk to her in advance. Tell her why you have to go there. Reassure her that she will be safe there. Tell her, that you will leave if she gets too frightened (but only, if it is possible, she must rely on your words). Maybe you can talk about a special sign she can give when she feels it is too much for her (that will take a lot of time! until it works), so you can leave, without her becoming too upset. Maybe you can tell her that you feel uncertain as well, when being in a new place and that that feeling is ok. Even if she does not respond with words (as you said she doesn't speak a lot), she might get what you want to tell her.

If it is only a short stay for you, maybe she could stay in the car (if you go there by car - that's what my 7yr old son sometimes like better) if you find a parking space where she can see the shop. But you have to talk to her about that before actually doing it (maybe several times, so she really knows what's going on).

And try to explain the world to her. If she's interestet in machines, explain how a vaccuumcleaner works, explain kitchen machines and then, even if she is not very interested in it, try to explain why people do things "by the way". For example, if someone is walking the street on a red light, tell it is not ok, but that ppl sometimes do things wrong. Guess what the reasons for such behavior might be, so your daughter will learn, guessing is part of life (as it is for my son and me - we only can guess why ppl act like they do, we can't read body language very well and in the example one anyway would only be able to guess).

If she does not feel comfortable being hugged, just tell her, you love her. That's what I missed as a child - I felt unloved because I never understood (and wanted) body language, hugging and stuff. But I longed for my parents to tell me they loved me, which they didn't (at least not with words) because they used body language.

Don't do any of all the proposes if you think your daughter would become upset with it.

Sibylle

You guys are great for helping me!

Here is a situation that I really need your help with -

My husband loves to go to family picnics, reunions, religious services, etc
As I already mentioned by daughter does not like to do these things.  I have no problem taking all the time that is necessary to expose her to different situations (a few minutes at a time) until she is comfortable.

But my husband expects her to stay at loud family gatherings, boring church services, etc.  It is hard on me because I have to constantly reassure her everything is ok or chase her or whatever.  It is horrible for her because she is uncomfortable in new situations.  

I fight with my husband constantly about this.  He says that if I do not force her to do these things she never will.  He tells me that I "give in" to her tantrums by removing her from the situation.  I can tell the difference between a tantrum and a panic attack.  She is not having a tantrum - I am certain.  I think it is cruel to make her stay in a situation that is quite possibly agonizing for her.  

How do you think I can get him to see my point of view?  He is not a huge reader and hates the computer.  Are there any good videos about autism and social situations?

Sibylle - unfortunately, she would not understand that much explanation.  She is not at that stage yet in her language.  Her receptive language is about what a "typical" 2 year old would be.

Well, even if she does not understand it yet, keep talkin (in easy words) about what you are doing and especially about her interests. She might get an interest in conversation when she gets the idea what she might need it for.

Sorry, I don't know any videos about autism.

But I've seen a documentary about a young german adolescent woman, who did quite well at school and then got a job (it's learning on a job, don't know the right vocabulary). After a short while she stopped communicating - completely! She was not diagnosed by then and her mother had a hell of a time to get through to her daughter. On tv the young woman saw something about aspergers and looked it up in internet and had herself diagnosed then. After that it went better, she found out, what she needed to prevent herself from overload.

What I want to say with that story is, that overloading might make it worse. I have much more problems now, that I'm single mother, than when being married (even having problems with my husband) and having help with the kids and getting the time off that I needed.

So just be careful with her. Why should one be social if not wanting/needing it at that age? Does your husband go to every social event you'd like him to go with you? Maybe that would be an argument? Maybe you would like to go to concerts/theatre and he doesn't or something like that? Would he force you to go to see soccer? Would he expect his best friend to go to watch Wimbledon if the friend was not interested? People like different things and if something is too boring or scary (like rollercoaster or ghost train) they can decide on their own. He would not force her to see scary films, wouldn't he? So why having her going to scary social events? Maybe you can find some arguments there.

Sibylle

And for the family picnics, maybe you can find a place a bit away from the big trouble? And ask the family not to come too near or only one at a time.

Sibylle

SunnyDaze, can you explain to your husband that if your daughter is forced into situations in which she feels stressed, that it will actually discourage her from doing such things. Forcing a child into a situation that it can't handle is bad for any kid.

He needs to be more realistic and take her needs into account.
You are right to stand up to him about it.

Oh, believe me I have been through this with him numerous times.  I just refuse to go or take my own car.  But it still creates a huge problem in our marriage.  But don't worry, I won't give up.  I like what Sibylle said about the "forcing her to see scary movies" analogy.  I will use that next time.  I hadn't thought of that one.

I never ask him to go to social events.  Socializing bores me to tears.   Yes, he always forces me to go to his silly, goofy events.  I just deal with it.  Sometimes I will take a magazine or book with me so my brain doesn't explode from the lack of intellectual stimulation or tedious small talk.

SunnyDaze, I hope you take this as a compliment, when I saw this -

I never ask him to go to social events. Socializing bores me to tears. Yes, he always forces me to go to his silly, goofy events. I just deal with it. Sometimes I will take a magazine or book with me so my brain doesn't explode from the lack of intellectual stimulation or tedious small talk.

It reminds me of aspies :grin:

Sunnydaze, Amy is right. You sound very much like an Aspie yourself. Maybe that is why you are so tuned into what your daughter feels. And that is a very good thing.

You situation has similarities to mine. My  youngest daughter has AS traits, obvious dyscalculia (I need to remember to make the call to get her tested, my memory for doing unpleasant things is like a sieve) and ADD (again, not diagnosed, but very obvious). If I wouldn't be there to stand between her and my husband all the time, he would drive her insane (possibly literally).

He also used to force me to go to social events with him, but much of the time I refuse now. I won't go to company parties any more, or baseball games, or many other things. I just tell him I'm not going, because it takes me at least a week to recover afterwards, and I don't enjoy myself while I am there. So, he goes with one of our children, or a friend. I don't go to church every Sunday, either. Some Sundays I just can't handle even the idea of being surrounded by so many people, and of having to be friendly and chatting afterwards. It takes all my strength.

To your daughter: Maybe you can try to find picture books about specific situations, like going to the store, going to the dentist, doctor, whatever. I know there are quite a few out there, I've seen them. Reading those books to her, and explaining that now you'll be going to the place it describes might help.

If she has any comfort items, like a favourite blankey or doll, whatever it may be, let her take it with her.

Does she like music? Maybe you could give her a tape player or CD player with earphones to listen to her favourite music while in a strange place. I don't know if that would help, but I think it would have helped me as a child (and I wished it wouldn't be considered extremely rude and impolite for an adult to do that, otherwise I would, to tune people out  :twisted: ).

Well, thanks (I think)  :lol:

I think I am too dishonest to be an aspie, though.  I'm quite a great deceiver and liar  :twisted:  (remember I'm only semi-proud of that).  And I don't mind a social event that I am interested in - like a Comedy Club or getting hammered at home with friends (I love Rum & Coke)!!  :lol:    :wink:

I just can't stand being around people who have nothing better to talk about than who got voted off the Survivor Island or who's sleeping with who on Sex and the City (sorry I shouldn't put down the shows - I've never seen them!)

You know, not all aspies appear to be honest (even though I am). I have a brother who is without doubt an aspie, and he used to lie and steal money from my mother and sometimes from his siblings.

And sure, sometimes I like to go to social events, like a concert or going out with friends, or playing table tennis with my table tennis club. The difference is, that I am INTERESTED in what I am seeing or doing, and I couldn't care less about doing small talk with my husband's collegues or who will win or lose in a stupid pointless game like football or baseball.

I myself don't drink, because I hate the taste of alcohol, and it makes me sick. But many aspies enjoy drinking sometimes.

So, your points don't prove you're not an aspie. Of course, neither do ours prove that you are. Here are some links to some aspie tests, that would show if it is possible if you're an aspie or not:

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

http://www.guardian.co.uk/life/news/page...43,00.html

Anyway, these were all developed by Simon Baron-Cohen, the leading Asperger researcher in the UK. Try these and see how you score! It will give you a good indication if you might be aspie or not (and you may well not be).

You can also find an Aspie Quiz developed by Aspies on Leif's Page.

You guys - I LOVED these quizzes!!
I still have no idea what I am though  :lol:

Here are my results:

Wired AQ test -        scored 14
Guardian EQ test -    scored 53
Guardian SQ test -    scored 46
Leif's Aspie quiz -     NOW=124 / EARLIER=134