Thank you Ethel for your whole post, and that last bit in particular!

I have been wracking my brains for a way to express what I felt was the underlying wrong assumptions in the original, without causing offence; and, as usual, you heve expressed it clearly and succinctly.

I learnt the best of my social skills because no-one told me I couldn't.

I had to learn them my own way, through trial-and-error; painful trial and embarrassing error to be sure, but that is what helps give someone humility and consideration for the struggles of others.