B"H

Hello. Thank you for reading my post.  I am now working in an Elementary School Autism program, after about a month of lazy unemployment.  I have never worked in such a program before.  Thus, I tell myself and others than I am there to learn, not to be as active as I have been before. What I have seen is remarkable in both extremes, the good as wll as the bad.

I believe that there is a real empathy deficit among some of the Aides (with one beautiful exception), a deficit that is tacitly tolerated by the teacher that I have been working with.  That empathy deficit is highly evident, and should not be tolerated by a teacher who is herself trying her best.  In fact, this program is different than anything I worked with in the "NT" Special Education programs in previous Summers.  The entire program seems to be geared toward "socialization," with little emphasis on spontaneity.  Very little time is devoted to the development of the individual.

However, on the positive side, the kids are absolutely a delightful mystery.  As I have been observing them, I find myself transfixed.  There is a great deal of socialization going on between and among them.  And, it is truly remarkable the degree to which I have been included in this socialization, uniquely so among the Aides.  One highlight of that experience was when there was an impromptu musical "jam session," and I was offered a bell in order to play along.  The "jam session" was truly wonderful, a synchronized playing with recorded music, including percussion instruments, bells, and other auxiliary musical instruments.  As the saying goes, "you truly had to be there in order to understand."

I can think of other examples of a kind of "flowing" among these children in which I have been included.  Once, when we were playing in a sand box, in some manner of tactile exercise, I was playing along with them.  I entered in what was almost a hypnotic trance.  I poured sand on a child's hand, and then she reciprocated, both of us feeling the texture.  This was a true moment of joining, one in which any separation between myself and these children became fuzzy, even non-existent.  It was a true Paulo Freire moment in education.  I am privileged to have been a part of it.

There is one thing I must say about the formal structure of the classroom;  natural socialization is not being emphasized.  Rather, the teacher seems to emphasize a rigid adherence to schedules.  Now, I understand the philosophy underpinning this.  I am not leveling judgments against her, as I believe that she is truly trying the best that she can.  And, I freely admit that am not an Autism expert (are you surprised?).  I am *FAR* from an Autism expert.  My humble opinion, however, is that strengths should be the model from which to build, not merely corrections, however necessary the latter may be at times.  

I believe that this teacher truly believes that she is addressing people of lower intelligence, an assumption that is structural in nature, and not the result of some evil on her part.  However, I know better.  I am getting a wonderful education in this program, one delivered to me by the students themselves.  One young man, who might be what is termed a savant, has been educating me on marine biology, the strategies of oceanic sunfish in dealing with parasites, et al.  He brings me back to my own youthful love of science, when it was all fresh and new, before the burdens of experience, often horribly disguised as stoicism, can sometimes blur the color of natural life.  Other  students have educated me about human interactions, showing me that Autistic children are simply not worlds in themselves, that they do have very colorful and real human interactions in spite of all beliefs to the contrary.

I also believe something else, something that is perhaps rather dangerous to many of you.  I believe that too much socialization is not good.  I believe that there are times that someone should be "separate."  In Hebrew, we would say KDSh, or set apart for G-d.  There are times when a child should not be simply joining in to peer interactions, however positive those interactions might be.  This is not a commentary on mainstreaming, mind you.  Rather, it is a commentary on the solitude that I believe is necessary for full human development.  I believe that my time alone in the Mojave is important and necessary.  Sadly, these children do not get that time, since they are always being rushed in to programs dealing with "socialization."  No wonder some students seek to abscond!  I am not advocating just letting them run off, mind you, not in this world of danger.  I am simply stating that "running off" is a natural instinct, made stronger by the failure to accommodate individual differences.

Each individual has a unique Purpose.  That Purpose needs to be discovered.  A child cannot discover that Purpose if he or she is constantly being conformed.  Now, for the realist, there is another danger to the over-emphasis on socialization, one that a hard-bitten realist may not have thought about.  That danger is the danger that a child will actually be more susceptible to negative peer pressure, not less, if socialization merely relies on conformity to rigid schedules.  Morality should be emphasized more than methodology.  Children should understand that it is wrong to hurt people.  Reasons for punishments should always be given ("you hurt Johnny," etc.).  

Failure to address deeper moral reasoning, instead focusing on the immediate moment and need to conform, will open a child to all manner of influences that are not what the teachers themselves were originally hoping for.  However, these behaviors are an inevitable result of moral relativism in the classroom that operates by a set of rules established for the mere convenience of the parents, teachers, or society.  Let me state, categorically, that Autism and its unique aspects should not be addressed by attempting to turn children in to "neuro-typicals."  It should be addressed by turning a child in to a fully developed human being, whatever that means, whatever categories we use to describe that state.

I believe that Autism is a neurological phenomenon, to be sure.  However, I also believe that the Spectrum was created for a reason.  Part of that reason might be to set some people apart, at least for a time, in order to prepare them for a role in the world that is unique.  That does not mean that we ignore socialization.  It simply means that socialization should not be the means by which individual differences are squelched.  Rather, it should emphasize love.  Such is a mystery, one that I cannot fully describe, but which becomes understood when we arrive at it.

Now, on a more mundane note, I have another critique of a model based merely on socialization. I also believe in an emphasis on academics, one that should not get short-shrift.  Language development is not stimulated by "put in garbage."  Not NT child would grow in his or her language skills with "open door."  We want a society of literate people, mind you, who can speak, read, and write in an active manner.  There is no reason that we have to assume that Autistic young people should have anything less than that modeled for them by a teacher.  Personally, I am the oddball in that I use a more complex vocabulary than the kids can understand, while scaffolding it with hand gestures that make the meaning clear, or else slow repitition.  In this sense, I am modeling how an educated person sounds.  I also use the same "thank you", the same "please," that we ask of them.  A teacher should, after all, sound like an educated person with culture and bearing!

On a light note, I must confess that I am the only person in the class who "stims" in his chair.  The rest of the children do not seem to have that habit!  I have never broached the subject of adults on the Spectrum with anyone there, nor do I really plan to do so.  Strangely enough, however, I seem to get the same "pick up paper" rhetoric directed toward me from some of the Aides that I hear when they are addressing the children.  I doubt that it is conscious.  However, if they can pick up that I am on the Spectrum, however unconscious they might be about their own perceptions, I know that such knowledge could be dangerous.  Now, whether that danger is imprisoning or liberating remains to be seen.  As it is, these Aides desire a domesticating socialization.  As it is, in the best tradition of Paolo Freire and Patrick Finn, I want a "dangerous" socialization.  (You must read those authors to understand my context.)  I do not intend to create any conflicts, because I know that I have no power in this situation, little more, in fact, than the students themselves if you really must know.  Rather, I intend to learn as much as I can, so that if I am ever given the honor of teaching Autistics or "Aspies," then I can take this knowledge with me.

The Sabbath is about to come, and I had better begin my Rest.  I thank you all for reading this, and I hope that it has been helpful.  You may or may not agree with all of it, and I look forward to challenging responses, which I will allow to flow freely and without comment.

All the best.

Hi ATM!

I have two things to add to your post, which I enjoyed reading!  

I think that the socialization aspect in general has gone way too far in our society.  I believe that often times, parents are both working, their kids are in daycare when not at school, and as soon as they pick said kids up from school or daycare, they have dance lessons, soccer lessons, piano lessons, etc.  Then you add the intolerable amount of homework for most children, and I wonder, when do they get to be kids?  When do the explore the world as the wonderfully open place it can be?  When do they learn to self-soothe, to self-entertain?  When can they be kids?

On the other hand, a formal structure plays a very important part in my daughter's life, and my husband's life, for that matter.  They need to know that the same things will happen at the same time, every day.  It is how they gain comfort to move forward.  When the structure is altered, their discomfort is so clear, it is painful to watch.  

We have also never talked "down" to our daughter.  Her speech is articulate and appropriate.  She does not use "small words" and I can tell who she has spent her day with if she comes home using "baby talk".  There is no good that will come of talking down to people.  You are correct there!

Thank you again for your post.  
Thank you for your insight.

When I was a baby and a child, my parents didn't use "baby talk" or overly simplistic language. Of course, they supplemented with gestures, showing me objects, and repeating things in different and/or more simple wording. But I learned the cadence of speech before the meanings of individual words, so that when I did start developing my language skills, I started having that "documentary narrator" cadence.

Yeah, there are times when I really just need to be alone. I don't think it's good to encourage an "always must be doing things" attitude in kids, or anybody really. It's like what I have observed in the special services staff at my high school: they would make the students always be working, even if they were done, and the class lasts an hour and a half.

Even in the general student population, not including people with ADHD, or other learning and attentional difficulties, I've never EVER seen a class of students high school age or younger keep focused attention and always working for all that time with little to no breaks.

Even when they can manage to keep up (such as with lectures), you can nearly always pick out the person falling asleep over their coffee, or texting, or doodling or drifting off. That's why it's encouraged that when learning and doing homework that you take short breaks fairly frequently.

And I'm like this too, though instead of texting or doodling, I'm more likely to stare at a wall or my desk or my hand, or fiddle with my pencil or something. I NEED to have time to recoup throughout the day, and just rocking back and forth typically won't cut it - I'll need breaks when I get to stare out or something without having someone yell in my ear and shake my desk or call the principal in. I do this when I go on the bus - forget about writing useful notes for my fiction, or reading, I usually have to stare, sometimes rock, and that's the way it goes.

I'm quite sick of being disciplined for just being as I am (especially when I was like 6 and didn't have any context for all these confusingly negative reactions), and hopefully as I am an adult, that I will at least have more say-so for myself. - Living in a dorm independently in college may not be the easiest thing, but if it means not having to put up with this crap so much, then it's worth every ounce of effort.

Yeah, in my experience, about 50% of the people I've met in special services, while often very well meaning, are completely incapable at their jobs, or at least with interacting with children who don't give the "typical" signals and responses.

It's not that NTs are incapable of it, or even that every NT has a natural impairment that inhibits from good interactions with autistic people, as some NT friends have been very good at reading and understanding me.

The 50% of people in special services I've met that I'm talking about, they seem far much worse impaired than the most clueless NT outside of the profession that I've met.

I mean, it goes beyond just believing in a few of the common stereotypes - I'm talking about people who have read a lot of the literature and been trained and taken classes, and could easily recite why some prevalent autism myths are not true, and yet they don't understand basic things about communication differences, variation of functioning level, auditory processing difficulties that are common... the list goes on. Things that you could just look at a few blogs on the Autism Hub and be swiftly and easily corrected on.

That's the thing that gets dangerous - when they easily know why some common myths are myths, but then have deeply ingrained some very damaging and prevalent stereotypes, that nobody told them about why they're wrong or bad. And then if you try to correct them about it, however tactful and articulate, or what references you may have provided, it bounces off them because they "have degrees and training, therefore we know much more about why you do the things you do than you do" - a very damaging assumption that can come from these professionals, particularly when they're the ones who decide things like educational opportunities and provision of services.

This is so true.  We have experienced a lot of this.  When we try to tell people what our child needs, they respond with their expertise and how they "know better".  It has obviously not occurred to them that we may know something about our child.  That not every kid can be put into a "box" and treated the same.  Hence, for us, homeschooling will be coming in the near future.  So she can get what she needs.

Thanks for taking the time to keep in touch ATM. I am happy to know you have found fruitful employment. Your post was inspiring and it seems you are inspired with your new job.
I will read your post a few more times to better understand and take on board your message. I have heard of Paulo Freire - but I can't remember the context. I guess he is a philosopher with an interest in education.

I need quite strong structures in my day to help me to cope. Perhaps this teacher uses structure to help her feel she has control in her place of work. Maybe it helps her to cope with her role.

Just for clarification's sake, my last post has not been my experience with all of the educators dealing with my daughter.  But it has happened more often than it has not.  

The discounting of our insight into our daughter's needs has left me with a hint of bitterness.

Why would it be dangerous? Is it your intention to hide your Autism?

Well, considering I got fired after revealing I had Asperger's, yeah, it can be dangerous. I would want everyone to come out, say they were autistic, and take their chances; but I have to leave it up to them. There are people with a lot more to lose than I've got--people with children, people with jobs. Every civil rights movement in history has gotten people killed just for speaking up, and that's pretty darn scary even if you aren't looking at a risk that extreme.

Back to the original topic--I really, really agree. For the most part, autistic people need time alone like we need oxygen! For that matter, introverted NTs get exhausted with too much socializing; how can you expect an autistic child not to get similarly exhausted? Processing time is needed; rest is needed. 24/7 interaction isn't good. There is no "world" that we "withdraw" to, not any more than NTs withdraw to their own worlds when they daydream or enjoy a good cup of coffee. It's rest, plain and simple; and it's cruel to withhold it.

He suspects that's how he lost his last job, am I correct ATM?

Sounds like an interesting job.  With any luck you'll be able to effect some helpful shifts in attitude.

I have to agree that if God made autism for a reason it's most likely introspection and free thinking.  And it's very important to have quiet time alone, but I honestly have no idea how you would teach that need to children.  There was certainly never any need to teach it to me.  It's probably a good thing I missed out on exercises to teach proper socialisation too, it would just have made me miserable.

It's true that lots of people have difficulty understanding spectrum body language.  However, I actually prefer it that way; it makes me very uncomfortable when other people are aware of what I'm thinking and feeling at any given moment.

I'm surprised to hear you have no stimmers in your group.  I'm in a gifted school and there's at least one of us in pretty much every class there.

I suppose you could consider the amount of socialisation required to a container. An autistic child a cup, after it is full thats it. With an NT a bucket, alot more is required, but still the necessity to be alone. But it takes a lot more.

A simple anology but realistic to explain the differences. This difference tends to be a source of disagreement between my wife and I. But easily lived with as I just avoid contact with anyone the following day more than usual. But, that is not to say, I don't like social contact, just less than an NT thanks to the ever present possibility of a meltdown from too much stimulation. Hence the anology.

I get very overwhelmed as well.  I am not an introverted NT, probably just the opposite.  I think part of it, for me, is where I live.  The "city living" is full of people.  Everywhere I turn there is someone touching me, yelling near me, pushing me, selling me something, handing me a flyer, there is bodily fluid of every kind all over the place, the smells, the sirens!  OMG!  Anxiety just thinking about it.  

And then, my job, providing assistance to brilliant lawyer minds all friggin day, I feel like I am taking care of a bunch of really tall 2 year olds.  

When I get home, I want to watch TV.  That is how I mellow out.  Or AFF.  But either way, it is MY TIME.  I NEED MY TIME!

Actually, by the time you are done with it, between my husband's requirement of quiet time inbetween getting home and picking up the kid from afterschool care, her need for quiet time after she gets home, and my need for quiet time after everyone goes to bed, we all need a bunch of it!  

I wonder if the reason that there's NO ONE there who stims but you, is if maybe the kids had their stims trained out of them. I was able to hide my more obvious ones when I was younger, to some extent, and I've never been put into a formal behavioral program.

Mind you I DO stim. But I have learnt not to show. But if the level of stimulation is too high and I'm trying to communicate in a stressed situation I WILL stim. For me this is flapping the hands and my voice will change in pitch. My son does the same.
There are much less obvious ones Chewing tongue, picking "lint", shaking foot, you name it.

Yeah, I used to be told to 'stop fidgeting'. I learned to stim in less obvious ways.

Mind you I DO stim. But I have learnt not to show. But if the level of stimulation is too high and I'm trying to communicate in a stressed situation I WILL stim. For me this is flapping the hands and my voice will change in pitch. My son does the same.
There are much less obvious ones Chewing tongue, picking "lint", shaking foot, you name it.

My husband had no idea he was "stimming" until rather recently.  He did not categorize his movements as such.  But then he thought about it, and wow, he is...