Hello everyone.

I am new here. I am Capricorn, an NT female in a friendship/support role for an AS male.

I have a problem that I'd like to ask advice about, especially from the AS members, as I can't understand what might be happening in this situation from my NT perspective.

I have been close to my AS friend for 2 years now and in that time we have never had an argument. Three weeks ago we had our first big disagreement and since then my friend has refused to contact me at all.

What happened was I sent him an inbox on a particular topic. It is very private to him, so I feel uncomfortable talking about it here, but basically he did something which I thought was a really bad idea, because from my perspective it seemed like something that could cause him a lot of future problems. I sent  him a very clear and direct mail, explaining that I was worried and upset and explaining exactly why. I have always tried to communicate exactly what I want to say, because it was my understanding that this was the best way to communicate with someone who has AS. Because of this I am always very honest. Up until now this has worked very well, because he said speaking to him honestly and directly was easy for him to understand, unlike most people who alluded to things or spoke in idioms. However, this time my honesty really REALLY upset him. He didn't answer my first mail, so I sent him another. I got a furious response, which shocked me, because until then he had never ever shown anger to me. He said that what I had said to him had made him depressed and furious and he was upset and that it didn't matter what further inboxes or emails or phone calls I sent him, he would not answer me until he was ready

He has kept to his word. I immediately sent him a couple of text messages apologising for upsetting him. I said that the last thing I wanted was to upset him, but I was telling him what I thought about the situation because I was genuinely worried about him. There was no reply. I tried to phone him, no reply. Since this argument, he has noticably been absent online as if he is either hiding from me or avoiding me.

I am very upset and confused about what to do. To an NT this kind of behaviour (exploding in anger and then refusing to talk to someone afterward for weeks or more) is generally seen as a way of trying to emotionally control another person, to manipulate them or even mentally abuse them by punishing them. However, after reading about anger in those with AS it seems like it could be a totally different situation - he is in some kind of shock or is unable to cope with confrontation or is perhaps upset that he got angry with me. Or he may well be really angry with me and refusing to talk to me because he is still angry.

I really don't know what to think or how to handle the situation. Any insight or advice would be really welcome. My friends (none of whom know anything about AS) all urge me to ditch him, because they say that by refusing to talk to me until he is ready he is trying to control the relationship and conduct it on his terms without letting me have any say. I am very frustrated because the longer the silence continues the less likely it seems that the problem will be resolved.

Thanks.

Capricorn