I am interested to know your thoughts on this because today a woman I have know a long time said some quite nasty things to me. Our coverstation which began around work matters turned to my personal life. This is always an issue I try to avoid. She asked me if I had a girlfriend and I said no. Then she asked where I lived and with whom and I told her I lived at home with my parents she went on with the questioning and ultimately came to the conclusion that I was weird, very odd and she suggested that because of these things ( and because I wasn't gay ) that I couldn't be a real man. She also went on to suggest that I was a waste of a life and taking up space on the earth that could be better used by someone else. I would not be too concerned if this was a one-off but it isn't. Over the years many people have said similar things to me.

I have always lacked the personality traits that creates interest in relationships with other people and motivation in general. I find everyday living causes me high anxiety and stress. I am often happy just to get through a basic day of work. It means I am happy just to make simple achievements.

Am I really such a waste of time? Is she and the others correct? I don't think she is because everyone is different and I am very different compared to most. What do you think about this?

thats her opion. perhasp you havent found your ms.right.I think all life is worth it if you a a good quality of life what ever that is.

Michael, I think she's just saying those nasty things about you to make herself feel better.  Perhaps she secretly feels that she's the one who's "taking up space on the earth that could be better used by someone else" ?

Wow, what a harpy. It's my experience that when people spout off like that out of nowhere it's nothing more than a flimsy self esteem enhancer that they feed off of. But wow, a grown adult? She has to have some heavy baggage.

The way I would look at it is the way that you seem to be looking at it. Imagine a guy being born into wealth ending up slightly less wealthy in his middle ages, and a guy being born into destitute poverty ending up middle class. Whenever the rich guy sees the middle class guy he comforts himself by saying to himself that that person isn't worth as much as him, but the middle class guy knows how hard he had to work to get to that point vs the other guy who only lost ground. Do you see what I'm saying? The value of a person can't be measured by where they end up but by what they've accomplished with what they started with.

I think that her comments towards me and those of other people, which are always along the lines of 'you need to get a life', 'you don't live in the real world', etc. is really those people trying to offset all their insecurities about their partners and families and their life-styles onto me. They are really saying that they don't like me for not needing what they think they need. When that woman said those things to me ( as with others ) I bit my tongue so hard because to attack her back would be so easy and not in my character. I feel nothing for her except a little sadness. In my world everyday life is a struggle and I'm proud just to get through each day. I think some people are so busy chasing a dream they will never achieve so they take that frustration out on me because I don't see the value in their dream. The important thing for me is that I don't judge them negatively, they judge me negatively, so the failure is within them and not me. I think!

good for you. you have more self confidace than they seem to.

Yes I am more self confident than them and they know it, which is why they try to hurt me. My aim now is that should a similar situation arise again that I stop doubting myself and ask them to qualify themselves. There is a thread about the saying 'how are you?' I agree it's largely a fake question, but now I get it in first to the people who you to ask me and it's amazing how hard they find to answer it. people are always looking to me for a problem, when maybe the problem is really within themselves.

glad i could be of help.

A lot of people ask me that same question too.  I'm feminine, so my personality and interests are different, so it makes people think that I'm more of a girl than a guy (which I don't mind hearing).  But, yeah that lady should have minded her own business.

Wow! What a ***!

I think the fact is that you don't know how to protect yourself and leave yourself wide open to these kinds of attacks. This is not through your own fault however as AS can steal away one's intuitions for dealing with situations like this and further more preventing them in the first place.

Here's a harsh truth: Women are not attracted to men they percieve as weak, and can be rather hurtful towards them as you have experienced here. When she was asking you if you had a girlfriend and where you lived she was REALLY asking you if you're a loser (According to her value system). You should never have answered these questions and just said , "What does it have to do with you?"

What you need is to learn how to become assertive, and what people are really getting at when they ask you these questions. I know you're not really a loser. You are just a person with AS that gives you certain difficulties. If you keep reacting in the way you do, these accusations towards you will continue.

micheal1, your only problem is that you were there at a time this psycho neded to unload on somebody. If it had not been you, it would have been sombody else she attacked. It's all about her and nothing about you.

You are quite obviously a real man; she's obviously not a real human being. different is good- stupid *** is not, so forget her. her rude and personal comment is also very inappropriate for the workplace. if she tries it again tell her so.

Some people are very threatened by anyone that doesn't share their values. Maybe that was her real issue.

That's a rather sweeping generalization! Many women have a strong "maternal" urge and are particularily drawn to men that some would call weak, lost, troubled, different...

I'm not saying you're any of these things, Michael- i'm just rebutting nb's comment.

Ugh!  I hope you threw something heavy at her head.

Yeah, it sounds like she's the one with the problem...

<hugs>

Athie