I noticed that the Stalkers thread was getting slightly off track, so I thought I'd kick off another thread.

So why is it that we struggle with this stuff so much? I know that aspie females find it tough going as well, in different ways. But expectations of males are somewhat different, and so are the problems that we face as aspies.

It just isn't the males...I as a female do as well...Humans are confusing...

I think it's all about communication.

for example, people say that men & women are from different planets, but if that was the problem with straight relationships, gays would have it easy (they don't in my experience). different neurotypes aren't from different planets either, but neurotype is much more relevant to communication style.

if aspie guys want a HFA/aspie/Cousin as a partner a lot of it's probably a numbers game. if they don't mind, the difference in neurotype might be a problem (note *difference*, I don't buy it that we're worse at communicating than NTs).

I don't have any constructive advice to give the aspie guy on the pull, beyond the cleche be yourself etc

why does any human struggle with relationships. i would say, it is the same with us.

we are probably more shy and without as much  experience, as our biggest drawbacks

^this

Also relationships come with experience...

My (up to now) only relationship started at university and is still going (married with children). No idea about "dating". We met "learning"/"studying".

Not reaching the same milestones in terms of developmental maturity may have something to do with it.  I don't know any women, for example, who would date anyone who has not had a previous relationship past the age of 18, and I notice that men in this position can end up waiting a long time, and are often forced to invent past relationships. Aspie men tend not to do that. They also tend not to start relationships they aren't interested in to avoid being viewed as inexperienced later on, which AS me also don't do.

They are perhaps more likely to live with a family member for practical reasons, which again would put off most women. They are less likely to have the right sense of humour or adapt it well to the current company. They are less likely to pay attention to or take care of their appearance. They are less skilled at  approaching women and reading signals.

Well, I found one. But she's on the spectrum, too. And we met when I was still 20.

You want to say that NT men invent past relationships or start ones without being really interested, just to have something to tell later? Ouch. That would explain why I feel sometimes lost in discussions about past relationships.

And I would add male aspies are not seen by the womens peer group as the desirable mate as they are often excluded by the males peer group. And that means the woman would also be excluded.

Oh and I am back in Australia with my wife now. I had a very interesting time overseas. She is enjoying every minute here.

Not just males.

Not just males.

Right ON!

Not just males.

Preach it to the Choir!

In my own case, I think it has a lot to do with a kind of social reticence.  It is difficult to explain.  I think that I hold back in the interests of not getting hurt.

It is difficult to live among humans.  I hope I get a Medal when I am done!

By "humans" I do not mean to offend you, my reader.  Forgive me.  I think a lot of you know what I mean.