I love the funny reviews on Amazon.com. There is one product that is discontinued and a bit odd.



The Rejuvenique mask. Is it supposed to tone the muscles in the face making you look years younger by electric pulses. :O

Some of the reviews are hilarious. like this one:

Cheap thrills for one sick puppy!

I was given the Rejuvenique as a "Halloween" present from one of my best friends. We found it at a thrift shop for 5 bucks. A few years back, we had been witness to the scary and surreal infomercial on late nite cable and found it hilarious. I will most likely use it as a prop at my upcoming Halloween party..but curiosity killed the cat, so I have now used it twice. The Rejuvenique is great if you are into self-electrocution! Do you like risks? Get pleasure from pain? The Rejuvenique is for you! I dig the intensity contol knob..you can play a game of "Mercy" with your face. It really is a creepy device! Since mine was a used model, the gold plating had rubbed off of a few of the electrodes so when those were activated, they did so with a particularly powerful shock (ow ow ow) It was kinda tricky figuring out when exactly to turn down the intensity knob so that my forehead didn't feel like it was in contact with a live power line...Never fear..you can always buy new gold plated electrode thingys from the Rejuvenique company!
I like the way you have to put toning gell on all the little electrodes or else (according to the instructions) it won't work..furthermore you have to buy the stuff from the Rejuvenique company. How convenient for them! I also am amused by the fact that it was invented by some Scientologist quack who according to my recent research has no legit credentials but calls himself a doctor. I am a big fan of any contraption that comes under fire by the FDA due to safety questions. The Rejuvenique is an example of what makes our culture so grand!
The receipt for my Rejuvenique kit was still in the box. The previous owner had spent 200 bucks for it..and she didn't even use up half of her toning gell before shipping it off to the thrifty store! It has been about 20 minutes since my last treatment. I have a slight headache. At the same time, I have the sick urge to go back for more..I think the product's image would benefit greatly if someone like Uncle Fester did the infomercial instead of Linda Evans. Unfortunately, that is no longer possible.

There was a funnier one that has  been deleted. It was a review done by "Michael Meyers" with the title
"The cops won't catch me in this! It was the funniest one but now just a memory.

Another review:

Needed a cheap hockey mask...

On the request of my probation officer, I joined a local Inter-urban hockey team for delinquent minorities. I was axed to play goldie but had no money for an adequate helmet. In a rare stroke of luck, I found this kit at a local Goodwill for less than 20 dollars. Now pucks hitting my face hurt less, plus I will retain my natural youthful skin for years to come. THANKS REJUVINIQUE!


Twilight also has funny negative reviews.



Are you guys serious?

I don't get it. I just don't get it. I thought young adult fiction had hit its low point with Eragon, but apparently I was wrong. Bella Swan (literally, "beautiful swan," which should be a red flag to any discerning reader) moves to the rainy town of Forks, and the whining begins on page 1. She goes to live with her father Charlie, and is quickly established to be a mopey, ungrateful, self-pitying little toerag. Bella then attends her new school, which turns out to be an all-out caricature of high school with about zero (rounding up) grounding in real life. Her classmates' reaction can be summed up thusly: "OMG. NEW STUDENT. OMG YOU GUYS, NEW STUDENT. STARE AT HER, FOR SHE IS CLEARLY SUPERIOR TO US." Bella Sue is promptly adored by everyone in the school, except the mysterious Cullens, who spend their time brooding, being pretty, smoldering, being perfect, and sparkling. No, seriously. NO, SERIOUSLY. Bella meets Edward, the Culleniest of the Cullens, (meaning he is more perfect and emo than the rest of them,) they fall in love within thirty pages, (much of this time is spent in Bella's head going back and forth between "Does he like me?" "Does he hate me?" "Do I like him?" "Why does he hate me?" and on and on and on AND ON. That is, when she's not being a horrible snobby twit to the boys at school who show affection in genuinely sweet ways, i.e., not breaking into her house and watching her while she sleeps. While she sleeps. Not knowing that he's there. IN HER HOUSE.) The plot shows up somewhere in the last fifty pages, which involves an EVIIIIIILL vampire named James who wants to eat Bella. James is the only character I like.

I generally try to find something redeeming about books, but I honestly have nothing good to say about this drivel. Meyer writes as if the reader is an absolute idiot who has to be told every sing tiny little thing; we are never given the chance to interpret what's going on in the characters' heads. There is no mystery, no intrigue, no suspense. The characters themselves are cut-and-dried, stereotypical, and maddeningly unoriginal. Bella's (supposedly) the clever, beautiful heroine, Edward's the dark, brooding bad boy, James is... uh, the guy that wants to eat Bella. Meyer clearly wants Bella to be a strong female character, but the horrible sad truth is that she's pathetic. Bella follows Edward's every word religiously, never sticks up for herself, has no spine to speak of, plays Suzie Housewife to her father, and has no existence outside of her "romance" with Edward. On that note, let it be said that Nathaniel Hawthorne got more romance into a few lines about a rosebush than Meyer managed to cram into 400 pages. Edward and Bella's relationship consists almost entirely of staring at each other dewey-eyed and arguing about who's prettier (NO I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.)



Feel free to add any troll reviews I haven't yet seen.

This post was last modified: 05-09-2011 10:34 PM by Duckfetishgirl.

http://www.bitbroken.com/

Tangenitally related. It's a blog devoted to the broken rubbish that people try to sell on eBay.

Mermaid's Kiss and Siren'song
Written by this person.


This was a self published book that was a horrible Final Fantasy fan fiction plot with pirates.

5.0 out of 5 stars I wish I could thank her for writing it., December 6, 2008

This review is from: Mermaid's Kiss And Siren's Song (Paperback)
Mermaid's Kiss And Siren's Song is an enchanting work by a great new talent (and that may be an understatement) I only hope this is a sign of what's to come from this bright star. I don't want to spoil the story so I'll keep the details brief, but I will say it trapped and engrossed me in a theme and style unlike anything I've encountered hence. This review is written after my third reading and each time I was amazed by details I had missed prior- if that's not the sign of great literature what is? It has been awhile since I last read this tome and I think it's time for a re-reading. I highly recommend this work for any home library.

I know i'm bumping, but it popped up on "who's online?"

The teddy auctions are sad

Yay!!!! Amazon.com Troll reviewers

Twilight... Just, Twilight.

This person's brilliant Mr Men reviews.