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+--- Thread: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? (/showthread.php?tid=9679)
"Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Aeolienne - 07-10-2007 11:52 PM
I thought you might be interested to see this web page - actually four web pages if you include the three questions. What do you think of the advice?
http://www.worksmart.org.uk/career/fitting_in
fitting in at work
How important is fitting in at work? more...
How can I make sure I fit in? more...
Does fitting in have to mean conforming? more...
further information
Working is only a part of being at work. The work pays the bills and is the reason you’re there, but the people you work with are a central feature of your working life, and can prove even more important in the long term, with friendships often lasting long after the jobs through which they were begun. Fitting in at work is a key step towards ensuring that your working life is productive and happy and that you make the most of the social potential your workplace provides.
How important is fitting in at work?
If only in terms of the actual work you do, fitting in at your workplace makes a big difference. A cohesive team, bound together not just by their presence in an office or factory but by shared interests and social experiences, makes for a much more effective unit than one where work is the only thing bringing them together. At the very least, the employer will need to recruit new staff a lot less often.
For an employee, a workplace where you fit in with your colleagues feels like a completely different place to one where you don't. Being a part of a group gives you more energy and enthusiasm and inspires creativity, as well as providing access to a ready-made social network with immense potential. If you don't fit in at your workplace, you're unlikely to be very happy or to stay there very long.
How can I make sure I fit in?
The first step to fitting in is to get a sense of the culture of your workplace. Every organisation has its own culture, which manifests itself in the dress code, the look and layout of the place, the level of formality and the way staff interact with each other. Getting a clear sense of the way things are done is an important step towards making sure you pitch your own behaviour in a way that will chime with your colleagues. If you show up every day in a suit when everyone else is wearing jeans, unless your work requires it, you'll be erecting a barrier between you and those around you.
Set yourself some basic rules about how you deal with your colleagues. Don't be critical of them or their work. If you have an issue with someone, approach them about it personally rather than airing your concerns with other people, and do so in a positive, constructive way rather than being confrontational. Asking for help with problems you have with your work is a good way of breaking the ice and indicating a level of respect for colleagues' opinions, which will help. Developing these kind of habits will create a good climate for fitting in.
Make the effort to go to social functions arranged through work. These allow you to meet your colleagues outside of the usual working environment, when they're more relaxed and the organisational hierarchies and work-related barriers are weaker, and you can let your personality come across more easily. If you're asked to join people after work or at lunchtime, accept, because that's a clear invitation for you to fit in. And, if nobody asks, it's often because everyone thinks it's someone else's responsibility, so don't be afraid to do the asking yourself. Just like you, most people like to know that others are interested in them.
Does fitting in have to mean conforming?
If you're conforming against your wishes then you're not fitting in. Fitting in means making your personality a part of your working environment, not allowing it to disappear under a culture of which you can't be a part. If the culture of your workplace doesn't appeal to you, then it's worth trying to develop alternatives. If, for example, your colleagues get legless in the pub every evening and that's not your thing, try suggesting alternatives - a sporting outing, perhaps, a musical gig or a movie. The odds are that you'll soon find like-minded people who'll welcome the chance to do something different. Of course, it is possible that, despite your efforts, the culture is simply one you could never fit into. But most workplaces contain a remarkable variety of people, and trying to make connections is nearly always well worth the effort.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Batman55 - 07-11-2007 07:30 AM
RE the topic line:
I'd say don't bother. But that's just my two cents, and I usually seem to be the extreme rebel when everyone else is moderate and reasonable.
That's me for ya.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - nyanchan - 07-12-2007 09:08 AM
Hmm...
Sounds like company brainwashing to me.
Work is work, and that's all. It makes money. That's all. Sure it's better if your workmates are friends, rather than enemies. But there's no reason why relationships should have to go beyond the occasional "hello".
I'm generally suspicious of job agency pamphlets because the people who write them are usually stupid.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - M - 07-12-2007 04:26 PM
"If you're conforming against your wishes then you're not fitting in. Fitting in means making your personality a part of your working environment, not allowing it to disappear under a culture of which you can't be a part."
Well how come I am often told at job interviews "sorry, you don't sound like you will 'fit in." That is after someone talks to me for five minutes. It is just prejudice against people with autism.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - silky - 07-12-2007 05:12 PM
All I can say about the article is .... how very NT.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - hyke - 07-12-2007 05:48 PM
Strange how fitting in means adaptation of the workers. Shouldn't it go both ways. How can a working place be fitting for me is a question at least just as valid. If the atmosphere at work is so bad that I have to use my spare time to 'socialize' at work, to make work endurable, something is wrong at work.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Pakrat - 07-14-2007 06:26 AM
That's what I'd tend to think too.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Yetti - 07-14-2007 06:42 PM
I have never been fired... I have always been successful and yes fitting in is essentially team work.... The younger you learn it, the better the chances.. stay true to yourself but always try team work.. .A young aspie at our support group has learned this and is very successful at his work and loves it!
Aeolienne Wrote:
I thought you might be interested to see this web page - actually four web pages if you include the three questions. What do you think of the advice?
http://www.worksmart.org.uk/career/fitting_in
fitting in at work
How important is fitting in at work? more...
How can I make sure I fit in? more...
Does fitting in have to mean conforming? more...
further information
Working is only a part of being at work. The work pays the bills and is the reason you’re there, but the people you work with are a central feature of your working life, and can prove even more important in the long term, with friendships often lasting long after the jobs through which they were begun. Fitting in at work is a key step towards ensuring that your working life is productive and happy and that you make the most of the social potential your workplace provides.
How important is fitting in at work?
If only in terms of the actual work you do, fitting in at your workplace makes a big difference. A cohesive team, bound together not just by their presence in an office or factory but by shared interests and social experiences, makes for a much more effective unit than one where work is the only thing bringing them together. At the very least, the employer will need to recruit new staff a lot less often.
For an employee, a workplace where you fit in with your colleagues feels like a completely different place to one where you don't. Being a part of a group gives you more energy and enthusiasm and inspires creativity, as well as providing access to a ready-made social network with immense potential. If you don't fit in at your workplace, you're unlikely to be very happy or to stay there very long.
How can I make sure I fit in?
The first step to fitting in is to get a sense of the culture of your workplace. Every organisation has its own culture, which manifests itself in the dress code, the look and layout of the place, the level of formality and the way staff interact with each other. Getting a clear sense of the way things are done is an important step towards making sure you pitch your own behaviour in a way that will chime with your colleagues. If you show up every day in a suit when everyone else is wearing jeans, unless your work requires it, you'll be erecting a barrier between you and those around you.
Set yourself some basic rules about how you deal with your colleagues. Don't be critical of them or their work. If you have an issue with someone, approach them about it personally rather than airing your concerns with other people, and do so in a positive, constructive way rather than being confrontational. Asking for help with problems you have with your work is a good way of breaking the ice and indicating a level of respect for colleagues' opinions, which will help. Developing these kind of habits will create a good climate for fitting in.
Make the effort to go to social functions arranged through work. These allow you to meet your colleagues outside of the usual working environment, when they're more relaxed and the organisational hierarchies and work-related barriers are weaker, and you can let your personality come across more easily. If you're asked to join people after work or at lunchtime, accept, because that's a clear invitation for you to fit in. And, if nobody asks, it's often because everyone thinks it's someone else's responsibility, so don't be afraid to do the asking yourself. Just like you, most people like to know that others are interested in them.
Does fitting in have to mean conforming?
If you're conforming against your wishes then you're not fitting in. Fitting in means making your personality a part of your working environment, not allowing it to disappear under a culture of which you can't be a part. If the culture of your workplace doesn't appeal to you, then it's worth trying to develop alternatives. If, for example, your colleagues get legless in the pub every evening and that's not your thing, try suggesting alternatives - a sporting outing, perhaps, a musical gig or a movie. The odds are that you'll soon find like-minded people who'll welcome the chance to do something different. Of course, it is possible that, despite your efforts, the culture is simply one you could never fit into. But most workplaces contain a remarkable variety of people, and trying to make connections is nearly always well worth the effort.
http://www.worksmart.org.uk/career/fitting_in
fitting in at work
How important is fitting in at work? more...
How can I make sure I fit in? more...
Does fitting in have to mean conforming? more...
further information
Working is only a part of being at work. The work pays the bills and is the reason you’re there, but the people you work with are a central feature of your working life, and can prove even more important in the long term, with friendships often lasting long after the jobs through which they were begun. Fitting in at work is a key step towards ensuring that your working life is productive and happy and that you make the most of the social potential your workplace provides.
How important is fitting in at work?
If only in terms of the actual work you do, fitting in at your workplace makes a big difference. A cohesive team, bound together not just by their presence in an office or factory but by shared interests and social experiences, makes for a much more effective unit than one where work is the only thing bringing them together. At the very least, the employer will need to recruit new staff a lot less often.
For an employee, a workplace where you fit in with your colleagues feels like a completely different place to one where you don't. Being a part of a group gives you more energy and enthusiasm and inspires creativity, as well as providing access to a ready-made social network with immense potential. If you don't fit in at your workplace, you're unlikely to be very happy or to stay there very long.
How can I make sure I fit in?
The first step to fitting in is to get a sense of the culture of your workplace. Every organisation has its own culture, which manifests itself in the dress code, the look and layout of the place, the level of formality and the way staff interact with each other. Getting a clear sense of the way things are done is an important step towards making sure you pitch your own behaviour in a way that will chime with your colleagues. If you show up every day in a suit when everyone else is wearing jeans, unless your work requires it, you'll be erecting a barrier between you and those around you.
Set yourself some basic rules about how you deal with your colleagues. Don't be critical of them or their work. If you have an issue with someone, approach them about it personally rather than airing your concerns with other people, and do so in a positive, constructive way rather than being confrontational. Asking for help with problems you have with your work is a good way of breaking the ice and indicating a level of respect for colleagues' opinions, which will help. Developing these kind of habits will create a good climate for fitting in.
Make the effort to go to social functions arranged through work. These allow you to meet your colleagues outside of the usual working environment, when they're more relaxed and the organisational hierarchies and work-related barriers are weaker, and you can let your personality come across more easily. If you're asked to join people after work or at lunchtime, accept, because that's a clear invitation for you to fit in. And, if nobody asks, it's often because everyone thinks it's someone else's responsibility, so don't be afraid to do the asking yourself. Just like you, most people like to know that others are interested in them.
Does fitting in have to mean conforming?
If you're conforming against your wishes then you're not fitting in. Fitting in means making your personality a part of your working environment, not allowing it to disappear under a culture of which you can't be a part. If the culture of your workplace doesn't appeal to you, then it's worth trying to develop alternatives. If, for example, your colleagues get legless in the pub every evening and that's not your thing, try suggesting alternatives - a sporting outing, perhaps, a musical gig or a movie. The odds are that you'll soon find like-minded people who'll welcome the chance to do something different. Of course, it is possible that, despite your efforts, the culture is simply one you could never fit into. But most workplaces contain a remarkable variety of people, and trying to make connections is nearly always well worth the effort.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Yetti - 07-14-2007 06:44 PM
A good sport to learn team work if one is not athletically inclinded is Croquet. I know its bigin UK and it is growing in USA.. it helps when you have partners and learn to get along and learn coordination... Theatre also teaches Esprit De Corps which means "Spirit of the body" you must work together to make the play work... it is essential to learn.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - eightball5367 - 07-14-2007 08:03 PM
look i can fit in anywhere i just come off as weird or eccentric. i am currently suing my workplace for discrimination and harrassement. The funny thing is they keep thinking that they know what i am going to do and they are basing it on what an nt would do. I think that is funny. what am doing? My job nothing else. I will get my day in court and the judge will decide whos right until then i just do my job
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Yetti - 07-14-2007 10:00 PM
eightball5367 Wrote:
look i can fit in anywhere i just come off as weird or eccentric. i am currently suing my workplace for discrimination and harrassement. The funny thing is they keep thinking that they know what i am going to do and they are basing it on what an nt would do. I think that is funny. what am doing? My job nothing else. I will get my day in court and the judge will decide whos right until then i just do my job
Good for you! We need more case law on the subject... you are helping us all! Bravo!
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - hyke - 07-14-2007 10:27 PM
I can do the NT fitting in. I'm very good at it. I give all. It just becomes my obsession. And if the job is no good I still do it, but if the job is no good, I'm one of the first to fall out. Last job I had we were doing the team work thing as much as our superiors let us, it was our way to survive. Five of us, working together a lot. But in a company that thinks human resources are infinitive. (like some people think of oil). After nine months four of us were sitting at home with serious burn-out and depression.
Reaction of my boss, when I said it was his company that made us sick. Employees shouldn't talk to each other. It only causes trouble. A superior of mine found another job, because she could not work that inhumane.
It was not just in our small group that these things were happening. Within a year three people under 40 had a stroke at work. And lots and lots of people burned out.
After two weeks I tried again to work there. there were 30 collegues gone and 40 new ones. People were used there like paper towels.
But I wanted to work, I wanted a job, I wanted this job, (because it was available). And I hyperfocused, adapted more than ever and went down more than ever.
And its strange that its always the fault of the employee, NT or Aspie. Some companies are rotten to the core, especially those who pay little and want all the flexibility of you they can get.
Social service in a city close to where I live won't send people there to work anymore; most clients they had send there had come back for the worse. (That's what an ex collegue told me)
Adaptation has limits. And these limits are different in all of us, AS or NT.
A good employer will look at the possibilities of his/her personel and make that work for both the company and the employee. And employees will be happy to work there.
And it can work, you'll see it in voluntary jobs.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Meega Na La Queesta - 07-14-2007 10:32 PM
^"Some companies are rotten to the core" -
Sounds more like this company was rotten to the CORPS!
Seriously, that situation is terrible.
Definitely, adaptation has limits. Sometimes you have to just acknowledge that a particular work culture, or even profession-wide culture, is not right for you, and move on.
Of course, that's easier said than done.....
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - tenaciouscj - 08-05-2007 04:07 AM
I think it would be better if more people sued poisonous workplaces but it is hard and very draining and if the bosses are able to cow their staff, they are going to do their utmost to bluff their way through court too.
It's one thing to expect staff to be courteous towards each other (a must for a workplace to run smoothly) but quite unreasonable to be nitpicking about tiny elements of dress and how much time they spend socialising (unless they mean "too much" and it is affecting the work output of particular people).
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - adversarial - 09-02-2007 10:52 PM
It is difficult to fit in at work, because people have hidden agendas and usually do not say what they really mean.
I think that in my last few weeks of work, I have been under the impression that I had real friends at last, only to find that because I had the audacity to actually like a girl there in an intimate way, that I am now a laughing-stock. Perhaps I should have 'known my place' and kept quiet about it, after all, it isn't as though I am entitled to have such feelings, much less expect to get them reciprocated; not while there are so many low-IQ lumps of Beef about who are obviously so "superior" to me.
Now I understand why I utterly despise most manifestations of Neurotypical culture, even if I do not really have A/S (which is always a possibility, though I am getting closer to moving towards a 'self-diagnosed' category).
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Alison - 09-03-2007 03:10 AM
I do work hard to fit in, I just feel it's more comfortable that way, even though, despite my best efforts, I do always come across as a bit eccentric. One thing I really dislike and which was prevalent in my last workplace but not so much in my new one is where the boss encourages after-work "get togethers" like bowls nights or going out en masse to dinner. I mean, I really dislike those, I get enough of trying to fit in with the herd during work, I don't want to hang out with them after work as well! But nobody else seems to feel that way. And particularly at night, I just can't be bothered to "pretend" to be chatty or want to talk about my day, my feelings, etc. I just want to take it easy and have some quiet time to de-stress from pretending all day at work.
Alison
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - tenaciouscj - 09-04-2007 11:45 AM
Yes, I think work time is work time and home time is home time. If a person enjoys going out with workmates outside of work that's fine but it shouldn't be made an obligation.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - daisy may - 09-04-2007 11:59 AM
If it is any consolation that is a problem for us NTs too in a 'corporate' culture. I have husband, family, friends and a life - i have never really wanted to socialise after work with workmates. In the last job I was in I was made to feel very bad about that (in UK) and told that I was not a 'team player'. Why, because I didn't want to go the pub with my workmates???? Honestly think this sort of thing, whilst it may be abigger probmem fpr those who are AS, is just much too prevalent. Work is just a job, your family and home can't be replaced. I now work for myself and only have to take myself out for a drink (smile)!
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - kornik - 09-05-2007 11:23 AM
I concur with Yetti.
Of course, it cuts both ways, but we have a responsibility too.
I just feel that too often we expect other people to accomodate us but we won't meet them half way.
If you can do this, as Yetti, says in his example it can be hugely enjoyable - and beneficial for all parties!
Yetti Wrote:
I have never been fired... I have always been successful and yes fitting in is essentially team work.... The younger you learn it, the better the chances.. stay true to yourself but always try team work.. .A young aspie at our support group has learned this and is very successful at his work and loves it!
Aeolienne Wrote:
I thought you might be interested to see this web page - actually four web pages if you include the three questions. What do you think of the advice?
http://www.worksmart.org.uk/career/fitting_in
fitting in at work
How important is fitting in at work? more...
How can I make sure I fit in? more...
Does fitting in have to mean conforming? more...
further information
Working is only a part of being at work. The work pays the bills and is the reason you’re there, but the people you work with are a central feature of your working life, and can prove even more important in the long term, with friendships often lasting long after the jobs through which they were begun. Fitting in at work is a key step towards ensuring that your working life is productive and happy and that you make the most of the social potential your workplace provides.
How important is fitting in at work?
If only in terms of the actual work you do, fitting in at your workplace makes a big difference. A cohesive team, bound together not just by their presence in an office or factory but by shared interests and social experiences, makes for a much more effective unit than one where work is the only thing bringing them together. At the very least, the employer will need to recruit new staff a lot less often.
For an employee, a workplace where you fit in with your colleagues feels like a completely different place to one where you don't. Being a part of a group gives you more energy and enthusiasm and inspires creativity, as well as providing access to a ready-made social network with immense potential. If you don't fit in at your workplace, you're unlikely to be very happy or to stay there very long.
How can I make sure I fit in?
The first step to fitting in is to get a sense of the culture of your workplace. Every organisation has its own culture, which manifests itself in the dress code, the look and layout of the place, the level of formality and the way staff interact with each other. Getting a clear sense of the way things are done is an important step towards making sure you pitch your own behaviour in a way that will chime with your colleagues. If you show up every day in a suit when everyone else is wearing jeans, unless your work requires it, you'll be erecting a barrier between you and those around you.
Set yourself some basic rules about how you deal with your colleagues. Don't be critical of them or their work. If you have an issue with someone, approach them about it personally rather than airing your concerns with other people, and do so in a positive, constructive way rather than being confrontational. Asking for help with problems you have with your work is a good way of breaking the ice and indicating a level of respect for colleagues' opinions, which will help. Developing these kind of habits will create a good climate for fitting in.
Make the effort to go to social functions arranged through work. These allow you to meet your colleagues outside of the usual working environment, when they're more relaxed and the organisational hierarchies and work-related barriers are weaker, and you can let your personality come across more easily. If you're asked to join people after work or at lunchtime, accept, because that's a clear invitation for you to fit in. And, if nobody asks, it's often because everyone thinks it's someone else's responsibility, so don't be afraid to do the asking yourself. Just like you, most people like to know that others are interested in them.
Does fitting in have to mean conforming?
If you're conforming against your wishes then you're not fitting in. Fitting in means making your personality a part of your working environment, not allowing it to disappear under a culture of which you can't be a part. If the culture of your workplace doesn't appeal to you, then it's worth trying to develop alternatives. If, for example, your colleagues get legless in the pub every evening and that's not your thing, try suggesting alternatives - a sporting outing, perhaps, a musical gig or a movie. The odds are that you'll soon find like-minded people who'll welcome the chance to do something different. Of course, it is possible that, despite your efforts, the culture is simply one you could never fit into. But most workplaces contain a remarkable variety of people, and trying to make connections is nearly always well worth the effort.
http://www.worksmart.org.uk/career/fitting_in
fitting in at work
How important is fitting in at work? more...
How can I make sure I fit in? more...
Does fitting in have to mean conforming? more...
further information
Working is only a part of being at work. The work pays the bills and is the reason you’re there, but the people you work with are a central feature of your working life, and can prove even more important in the long term, with friendships often lasting long after the jobs through which they were begun. Fitting in at work is a key step towards ensuring that your working life is productive and happy and that you make the most of the social potential your workplace provides.
How important is fitting in at work?
If only in terms of the actual work you do, fitting in at your workplace makes a big difference. A cohesive team, bound together not just by their presence in an office or factory but by shared interests and social experiences, makes for a much more effective unit than one where work is the only thing bringing them together. At the very least, the employer will need to recruit new staff a lot less often.
For an employee, a workplace where you fit in with your colleagues feels like a completely different place to one where you don't. Being a part of a group gives you more energy and enthusiasm and inspires creativity, as well as providing access to a ready-made social network with immense potential. If you don't fit in at your workplace, you're unlikely to be very happy or to stay there very long.
How can I make sure I fit in?
The first step to fitting in is to get a sense of the culture of your workplace. Every organisation has its own culture, which manifests itself in the dress code, the look and layout of the place, the level of formality and the way staff interact with each other. Getting a clear sense of the way things are done is an important step towards making sure you pitch your own behaviour in a way that will chime with your colleagues. If you show up every day in a suit when everyone else is wearing jeans, unless your work requires it, you'll be erecting a barrier between you and those around you.
Set yourself some basic rules about how you deal with your colleagues. Don't be critical of them or their work. If you have an issue with someone, approach them about it personally rather than airing your concerns with other people, and do so in a positive, constructive way rather than being confrontational. Asking for help with problems you have with your work is a good way of breaking the ice and indicating a level of respect for colleagues' opinions, which will help. Developing these kind of habits will create a good climate for fitting in.
Make the effort to go to social functions arranged through work. These allow you to meet your colleagues outside of the usual working environment, when they're more relaxed and the organisational hierarchies and work-related barriers are weaker, and you can let your personality come across more easily. If you're asked to join people after work or at lunchtime, accept, because that's a clear invitation for you to fit in. And, if nobody asks, it's often because everyone thinks it's someone else's responsibility, so don't be afraid to do the asking yourself. Just like you, most people like to know that others are interested in them.
Does fitting in have to mean conforming?
If you're conforming against your wishes then you're not fitting in. Fitting in means making your personality a part of your working environment, not allowing it to disappear under a culture of which you can't be a part. If the culture of your workplace doesn't appeal to you, then it's worth trying to develop alternatives. If, for example, your colleagues get legless in the pub every evening and that's not your thing, try suggesting alternatives - a sporting outing, perhaps, a musical gig or a movie. The odds are that you'll soon find like-minded people who'll welcome the chance to do something different. Of course, it is possible that, despite your efforts, the culture is simply one you could never fit into. But most workplaces contain a remarkable variety of people, and trying to make connections is nearly always well worth the effort.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - woman from mars - 09-06-2007 12:50 AM
The thing about this article that I find the most interesting is that it is written by the TUC
( for non UK members Trades Union Council )
This organisation is paid for by workers ( via union dues ) to represent & help workers NOT employers.
To those bullied at work & I didn't know just how rife it is, this site is very helpful.
Just Fight On--- anti bullying website
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - tenaciouscj - 09-08-2007 01:18 PM
Ah, it's mostly just corporate weasel speak to go on and on about fitting in at work. Some cultures are toxic and should not be encouraged.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - imajican - 09-12-2007 05:31 AM
"Fitting in" may make your time at work with other employees easier, but really, "fitting in" sounds like something straight out of high school.
I work fast food...would I really want to fit in there? No. It does, however, make me feel awkward and out of place. I either work with high school kids or adults with pretty much lack of education. I'm 29 years old. Here by misfortune. I work with kids, I feel like a babysitter. I work with adults and I feel like, when I make small talk, it's as if I were speaking another language.
I guess even if I wanted to fit in I couldn't. How do I fit in? What's the point.
On the other hand, I'm rather liked by the managers and those who have been working there for quite a while, namel the adults (they see me as a kid but that's ok - I look all of 16). I do my job well (if that means anything in the long run).
It's just a job. I go there. Do my work. Then come home. The end.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - tenaciouscj - 09-12-2007 10:51 AM
Yes Imajican, I agree totally with your last comments. I don't think we have any obligation to fit in at a workplace, apart from doing our fair share of the work and treating co-workers with fairness and courtesy.
I would like to socialise a bit more with my workmates outside of work but don't own a car and so would have to rely on somebody to give me a lift or spend up on taxi fares. Excess noise can be an issue but perhaps I could see if we could have some trivia nights.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Emmy - 09-12-2007 12:51 PM
I was at work training once and a buch of us workers sat outside and talked and suddenly a person came with a really bad rasist coment.I hate such humor.I stood up and left.
Where are you going, asked the person.
I have more importent stuff to do then listen to this,I said and left inside and started working again.
After id gone home he came to my boss and told her what Id done.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - M - 09-12-2007 02:40 PM
I don't fit in. I doubt I would fit in if I tried. It is not my fault that people can not accept my differences. I need to eat lunch by myself and spend some working hours in calm and silence. I believe these should be accommodations that I can ask for.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - tenaciouscj - 09-13-2007 12:31 PM
Yes - it's hardly unreasonable that you'd like some personal space.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - imajican - 09-14-2007 05:11 AM
Emmy Wrote:
I was at work training once and a buch of us workers sat outside and talked and suddenly a person came with a really bad rasist coment.I hate such humor.I stood up and left.
This is something I experience at work as well. The majority of my co-workers are very friendly people to me, yet some of them can be completely prejudiced. They can have their views all they want, but I refuse to be a participant. If that means keeping my mouth quiet during their conversations then so be it. I just feel I'm surrounded by so many narrow-minded, unworldly folk it frustrates me.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - EvilZakkie - 09-14-2007 12:28 PM
M Wrote:
I don't fit in. I doubt I would fit in if I tried. It is not my fault that people can not accept my differences. I need to eat lunch by myself and spend some working hours in calm and silence. I believe these should be accommodations that I can ask for.
*grins* As soon as I read this, this came to mind:
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - tenaciouscj - 09-14-2007 02:06 PM
That cartoon is just brilliant! I like it!
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Emmy - 09-14-2007 02:40 PM
yeah its good
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - woman from mars - 09-14-2007 02:51 PM
I think it is great because I absolutely HATE IT when someone asks what my book is about
How on earth can I answer this?
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - EvilZakkie - 09-15-2007 08:56 AM
woman from mars Wrote:
I think it is great because I absolutely HATE IT when someone asks what my book is about
How on earth can I answer this?
How on earth can I answer this?
I know what you mean - I get that all the time... I think it's just inevitable that people will think small talk has priority over everything else you could possibly be doing - it's what many people base their entire lives on.
...Although every now and then when someone asks what my book is about, I say it's about 500 pages... *grins*
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Alison - 09-15-2007 11:57 AM
Although I can't see the obnoxious questioner *agreeing* that he's a jerk! Honestly though, some people just seem able to talk under wet cement! Often I let them talk and make non-committal sounds of agreement or the odd "I know what you mean" here and there, while thinking about something else. It seems the easiest way to get up an NT's nose is to ignore them. Good or bad, they seem to find any sort of acknowledgment of their existence better than us tuning them out. Perhaps that's why so many of them get in our faces in such an aggessive way - trying to get a reaction to their existence. How sad that they need other people's affirmation of that! It's not something we Auties seem to need at all - I spend most of my time trying to avoid being noticed.
Alison
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - tenaciouscj - 12-29-2007 09:50 AM
EvilZakkie Wrote:
woman from mars Wrote:
I think it is great because I absolutely HATE IT when someone asks what my book is about
How on earth can I answer this?
How on earth can I answer this?
I know what you mean - I get that all the time... I think it's just inevitable that people will think small talk has priority over everything else you could possibly be doing - it's what many people base their entire lives on.
...Although every now and then when someone asks what my book is about, I say it's about 500 pages... *grins*
If you were reading "300", you could say it was about 300 people (strictly speaking though there are more than 300 in the whole book).
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Aeolienne - 08-12-2008 12:55 AM
Found this in my firm's "induction checklist" for managers - thought it was worth quoting:
Bringing new staff into the team
Think about the culture of your team/area. Do you have a habit of all
having coffee at the same time? Do you have any clubs or traditions that
they can get involved in? Do you go out for lunch together sometimes? If
not, maybe you should. It may sound trivial but there is nothing worse
that coming into an established social circle, and a new person may find
it intimidating. If they seem willing, try to include them in social
activities as well as business ones.
I would also add: If you have any dealings with people in other teams, do make sure you introduce them to the new person - don't leave either party waiting to be introduced.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - aspiek1d - 08-22-2008 07:09 PM
I have trouble fitting in at work, but those qualities I do not see from my coworkers. If I were to act like them I'd be doing the opposite.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - orangeismyaura - 08-22-2008 08:36 PM
Luckly I don't have to try to fit in. I work alone 75 percent of the time, which is ideal for me!!! BUT, I don't see how it's a need to try to 'fit' in anywhere. Just be yourself, and be tolerant of your coworkers, that's how I roll. 'Most' of my coworkers find me tolerable, so life at work isn't a nightmare, most of the time. Now if we can just get rid of that b1tch that hates me for no reason, that would be perfect.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Aeolienne - 08-26-2008 03:16 PM
Aeolienne Wrote:
Found this in my firm's "induction checklist" for managers...
It's just been updated! Here are some snippets:
Important
There are no hard and fast rules to say how long induction should last.
Keep going until that person is fully established and be prepared to
answer lots of questions. Ask how they are feeling — it’s an unsettling
experience for most people. Review, agree and be flexible.
...
Part 1 — Before new entrant/job mover joins
...
Plan the first day they are at their desk in detail. Consider what sort
of impression you want to give of yourself, your team and the office.
...
Part 2 — Tasks for first day(s) / week
...
Ensure your new employee is given a warm welcome and introduce your new
person to the team and local area, and explain what they do.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Alias Pseudonym - 08-26-2008 10:45 PM
woman from mars Wrote:
I think it is great because I absolutely HATE IT when someone asks what my book is about
How on earth can I answer this?
How on earth can I answer this?
I completely agree. It's easy if its a certain genre and I can say 'Dragons' or 'Spaceships' or somesuch, but what if I'm reading a Robert Jordan book, or worse, One Hundred Years of Solitude. I can't summarize that in less that a few paragraphs, and I'm hardly going to stop reading for that.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Aeolienne - 10-01-2008 10:47 AM
Here's another piece from the Mindtools careers newsletter (the source of the self-motivation quiz posted earlier), which I quote here because the third section is all about the importance of camaraderie. Aeolienne
Sirota Three-Factor Theory
Keeping Employees Enthusiastic
High enthusiasm at work usually means eagerness, and a willingness to work hard. So have you seen people begin new jobs with lots of enthusiasm, ready to start contributing… but then watched as they've steadily lost that motivation?
Unfortunately, this is common. And it can lead to serious problems for managers, as they struggle to motivate frustrated, indifferent, uncooperative, and unproductive team members. Close supervision, motivational speeches, reward programs, progressive discipline, and department transfers - these are all part of the manager's toolbox for dealing with this. However, these strategies are often not effective.
Dr David Sirota, an organizational researcher and consultant, conducted research into ways of motivating employees. His work was based on surveys from over four million workers around the world - as well as focus groups, interviews, case studies, and informal observations. Most prominently laid out in his 2005 book, The Enthusiastic Employee, co-written with Louis A Mischkind and Michael Irwin Meltzer, he concluded that the way to enthuse workers is to give them what they want.
Sirota's Three-Factor Theory of Human Motivation in the Workplace is based on three fundamental principles:
1. The organization's goals are not in conflict with the workers' goals.
2. Workers have basic needs that organizations should try to meet.
3. Staff enthusiasm is a source of competitive advantage.
To understand and appreciate Sirota's theory, it's important to recognize the starting point: that many, maybe most, people start a new job with high levels of motivation and enthusiasm, and that they generally want to enjoy what they do. He argues that this natural state of motivation is often then reduced, over time, by bad practices and poor conditions within the company.
According to Sirota's research, the three factors that, together, build enthusiasm, are as follows:
1. Equity/Fairness – People want to be treated fairly at work.
2. Achievement – People want to do important, useful work, and be recognized for this.
3. Camaraderie – People want to enjoy good relationships with their co-workers.
Factor One: Equity/Fairness
People are motivated by fair treatment, and they want their company to provide basic conditions that respect their physiological, economic, and psychological needs.
Sirota's surveys included questions about physical working conditions, job security, the amount of work expected, compensation, communication, favoritism, and the consistency of management's actions and words.
The equity factor is very similar to the hygiene factors described by Frederick Herzberg in his Motivation-Hygiene Theory.
According to Sirota, to ensure that your organization demonstrates equity, you need to address all three fairness elements:
* Physiological Safety
Ensure the physical safety of workers.
* Create safe working conditions.
* Establish expectations that your staff should have a reasonable work/life balance.
* Make sure you meet all workplace safety requirements.
* Provide safety training on a regular basis.
* Economic Security
Provide a reasonable level of job security.
* Consider all possible alternatives before laying off workers.
* Ask for voluntary layoffs when a layoff is inevitable.
* Communicate openly and honestly about the layoff.
* Provide outplacement and financial support for staff who have lost their jobs.
* Maintain the fairness needs of the workers who remain.
* Provide fair compensation.
* Pay competitive wages, and keep up with inflation.
* Include some variable pay (bonuses) for performance.
* Allow workers to share in company success through stock ownership or other profit-sharing programs.
Sirota's theory is strong on compensation. He doesn't believe (as some others do) that money is low on the list of motivating factors. His theory says that pay represents respect and achievement, not just the ability to purchase life's necessities.
* Psychological Health
Create an environment of respect.
* Treat all staff similarly, regardless of how much power they have.
* Use power fairly.
* Minimize status distinctions in the workplace - for example, by avoiding separate parking lots or eating areas.
* Provide sufficient and appropriate autonomy and independent work.
* Pay attention to what staff say they want and need. (Management By Wandering Around is an effective way to stay in touch with workers' needs.)
* Provide positive feedback and recognition.
* Show interest in workers, and insist on common courtesy.
Factor Two: Achievement
People want to be proud of their work, and they want their achievements to be acknowledged. They also want to feel proud of what the organization as a whole does.
Sirota asked workers questions about the amount and type of feedback they received, how participative their work environment was, whether adequate resources were provided, and how proud they were of their company.
To help people feel this sense of achievement, an organization needs to do four things:
* Provide an enabling work environment.
Give people what they need to do the job well.
* Use teams effectively.
* Use participative leadership practices.
* Make the organization as flat as possible - in other words, eliminate bureaucracy and hierarchy where you sensibly can.
* Delegate effectively, and avoid micromanagement.
* Provide challenging work.
Allow people to do interesting work that uses their skills and abilities.
* Hire people based on fit.
* Design jobs for enrichment and satisfaction.
* Communicate how each job contributes to the company as a whole.
* Provide training, and opportunities for people to learn new skills.
* Use feedback, recognition, and reward.
Let people know how they're doing.
* Communicate clear expectations.
* Establish and agree on priorities.
* Use tangible rewards to acknowledge achievement.
* Balance criticism with plenty of praise.
* Promote from within where possible.
* Be an organization of purpose and principles.
People want to work for trustworthy companies that they can be proud of.
* Create a vision that can make workers proud.
* Communicate the principles of the company.
* "Walk the talk."
Adopt and apply ethical leadership.
* Provide a quality product or service, and use quality management practices.
Factor Three: Camaraderie
When people go to work, they want to enjoy themselves. That makes interpersonal relationships very important. A culture that supports and encourages cooperation, communication, friendliness, acceptance, and teamwork is critical for maintaining enthusiasm. A such, partnership needs to be an important part of company culture.
* Partnership Culture
Workers want to feel a sense of community and teamwork.
* Make "people skills" a priority. Demonstrate empathy, consideration, and respect – and expect the same from every worker.
* Encourage interactions, and provide social opportunities.
* Reward positive team behaviors.
* Encourage cross-functional interaction and teamwork.
* Review department mandates and practices regularly to ensure consistency in the approach and message.
* Use team charters to develop ground rules.
* Use collaborative conflict resolution and win-win negotiation techniques to resolve differences.
By creating an environment that addresses all three factors for enthusiasm, you can better ensure high worker satisfaction, motivation, and productivity. However, these factors are not independent of one another: You can't ignore compensation needs and expect to make up for it with increased camaraderie. Likewise, you can't allow a manager to treat her staff poorly, even though you provide high achievement elements.
Tip 1:
One of Sirota's findings is that the equity elements are most fundamental, and you must address these before adding other enthusiasm factors.
Tip 2:
Remember that creating the right motivational environment is just one part of motivating people and building enthusiasm. Just as organizations need to provide a positive environment, leaders within organizations need to inspire their teams, and individuals need to take responsibility for their own levels of motivation.
Key Points
Enthusiasm, as a measure of worker motivation and productivity, is central to Sirota's Three-Factor Theory.
Rather than believing that you somehow have to motivate people to do work, this theory assumes that most people start out motivated - but then other things happen, or don't happen, that reduce this natural motivation.
To rebuild worker enthusiasm, leaders and managers must create an environment - and supporting practices - that deliver high levels of equity, achievement, and camaraderie. He argues that when people are treated fairly, are proud of the work they do, and do it with people they like, then enthusiasm grows - along with morale and productivity.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - micgrace2 - 10-01-2008 11:33 AM
Very fine and worthy goals and aspirations there by Sirota. Only problem is just doesn't happen in practice in most businesses. Most employers are just grubs out for a pound of flesh and don't give a stuff. Instead most workers just end up disillusioned trying to survive or waiting to get out of the place.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Pakrat - 10-02-2008 12:25 AM
To some degree, it's possible to do something about it but it always helps to have "deep pockets". There's the Human Rights & Equal Opportunity Tribunal and if it is a public service department, the Ombudsman may be able to help if attempts to resolve a bad situation fail.
Public Service Departments also fear ministerials, so contacting the local member's office is another avenue of assistance. If a private firm has discriminated against a worker/treated them badly, a threat to go to the media might make them pull their horns in.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - micgrace - 10-02-2008 12:33 AM
HREOC is basically a toothless tiger. The problem is already impossible by the time they do anything and they have a habit of siding with the employer.
There is the typical OZ culture of bullying from the school through to work and everything else to contend with and is considered "good" for one as it builds "character". Yeh sure. More like a whole generation of depressed nervous wrecks who can barely function.
My wife was forced to resign in the early '90's from the public service when she became pregnant.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Pakrat - 10-02-2008 12:36 AM
Yikes! She must have been in a bad department. Was it federal or state? I think state can be worse.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - micgrace - 10-02-2008 12:40 AM
Queensland Police Service.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Pakrat - 10-02-2008 12:48 AM
Ah yes, I knew a man who had a long running dispute with that department and eventually got a stress-related invalidity payment but oh boy, he had a real slog to do that. He wasn't going to accept anything less than a big payout but he is a big guy and his health really suffered in the meantime. I can't see that a commonwealth department would have got away with pressuring a pregnant woman to leave, even in the early 1990's but the state departments might have been able to (not sure what their guidelines were at the time).
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - micgrace - 10-02-2008 12:55 AM
Guidelines for Qld State Depts? Whatever they can get away with. To this day. They have the cash, the worker doesn't, so one loses. Anyway its not much of a surprise the current State Government does what it likes, when it likes and nothing changes even when they are caught out which is often.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Pakrat - 10-02-2008 11:09 AM
But how much of this is down to people being apathetic and not fighting for their rights?
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - micgrace - 10-02-2008 11:52 AM
One does need cash to do such things and our lovely State Government will happily spend millions to avoid a payout of $20000. They've done it time & time again and few people can sustain that sort of pressure.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Pakrat - 10-02-2008 12:55 PM
What about contacting the local member's office? I say that because most Public Service department people fear ministerials. The man I know of got a payout well in excess of $20000 and this was probably 10 years ago but I think he had something over them.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - micgrace - 10-02-2008 01:10 PM
I'd say one definitely needs an edge on one of them. Anyway the early '90 s episode of ours is a while ago and not worth pursuing and we now prefer not to work for a boss and neither of us could ever go back to one after experiencing the freedom of a successful business even though it was conned from us via cash. The double uni was to gain breathing space to get going again while keeping centrelink happy although we will both finish our courses now as I have a mere 7 units to go and BSc but my wife has a long time yet so thats up to her.
I think I mauled the english language here somehow, yet again.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Pakrat - 10-02-2008 04:21 PM
Oh, I wasn't suggesting you pursue what happened back in the 1990's but just that in general, people need to be more willing to use whatever avenues they can to stand up for their rights.
RE: "Fitting in at work" - a worthy goal? - Aeolienne - 02-18-2011 03:16 PM
Following my the quotes from my then firm's induction handbook, how about this - a handbook for new members of the British Government?
link