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+--- Thread: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? (/showthread.php?tid=7813)
Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - jxenu - 04-16-2007 04:19 AM
One of the defining characteristics of Asperger's is the inability to "read" other people's expressions, not looking others in the eye and inability to make 'small talk', as well as social anxiety. These all gang up to make it very hard to get a girl/boyfriend in the usual places such as nightclubs and parties.
One way around that is to meet someone online or as a penpal, and you get to know each other without Asperger's messing things up, by exchanging email, IM, telephone and/or regular postal mail. Soon you may decide you really like each other, but you've never met in person! When you do finally meet in person, you already know each other well and Asperger's has less of an effect. For example, inability to make smalltalk isn't so much of a problem since you already have several common interests or topics to talk about.
I'm thinking in particular of relationships where it would take quite a bit of effort to meet in person (such as flying halfway across the US (or the world!)), not something like meeting someone across town in a dating site, whom you decide to meet after a few days and emails.
So.... Do/did you have a 'significant other' whom you've only known online, or only online for a long period before meeting in person? How did it work out? Also, was he/she different in person than online? Did the other person find you different in person than online? How did your Asperger's affect the meeting? Do I ask too many questions?
I've had 3 serious relationships in my life, all three were 'online', all three required airline tickets to meet, all three went well, and I finally married the last one.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - energeia - 04-16-2007 05:33 AM
I've met 5 people in person from another forum I post to--but that was just a connection of friendship, not romance. There weren't any surprises, at least on my end about how they seemed. As for how people see me, I'm apparently much more animated and high strung in person than I come across online.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - krispyg76 - 04-16-2007 05:23 PM
It is a good way for me to get to know people a bt better before I meet them in the flesh, also it means I know they like me or at least are interested in me before I meet them.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Ivar T - 04-16-2007 05:26 PM
Nevah!
*sob*
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Lestat - 04-16-2007 05:32 PM
Yup, someone who used to come here actually, although I met her on a different site.
Verrrry cute
and a talented musician to boot, and on that note, a shameless plug for her music, http://www.brokengirltotheside.comCheck it!!!
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Nate - 04-19-2007 03:08 PM
I known her for almost two years before we first met, and its been about a month afterward now, and she is the main reason i'm here right now as things are great but we still have problems due to my AS and stuff...
I reckon she signed up too and I am hoping that we will be able to get some advice in this nice community and make some friends. I would type more but ive been chatting on your irc forever and im tired.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - krispyg76 - 04-19-2007 03:32 PM
erkolos Wrote:
Nevah!
*sob*
*sob*
There is time yet, don't rush. There were times I thoight i'd never get anyone and someone randomly started talking to me and it went from there.
These things happen when you don't expect it.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - rec1124 - 04-19-2007 05:59 PM
I am in one right now, with a woman I met on MySpace. We haven't met yet though. That is a long story actually. We still oplan on getting together soon. One thing is that she has Turners Syndrome and she has anxious about that. She's afraid that when we meet in person, that I won't be interested in her anymore. I have been anxious about meeting also, with my Aspergers. I just hope everything works out. All of my relationships have been online and this is the one that I believe has a chance to go somewhere.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - krispyg76 - 04-19-2007 06:02 PM
Ok so you have a rough time sometimes, so does she, i can't think of 2 better suited individuals to be honest.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - blacktext - 04-19-2007 08:04 PM
I met someone online. We connected very well, and I think it would have gone further if we lived closer together. That essentially sums up the problem with long distance relationships. Unless the individuals see each other as soulmates, or develop a type of fixation, there isn't much chance of things moving forward. If the opposite person has qualities that are in demand there are going to be others of much closer proximity vying for their attention.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Crehl - 04-19-2007 09:16 PM
Depends what you mean by 'long term'. I went for Involved, haven't met.
Of course, being 15, 'long term' and 'relationship' will most likely have different values to me than to people in a later stage of life. But I'd say it's got the potential to be quite successful if we do meet. Which we probably won't. I rarely go outside, and don't feel ready (Age-wise, but also experience-wise) to meet someone in person that I've met over the internet, though I do know her cousin.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Bob Bobson - 04-19-2007 09:50 PM
I did start talking to one person online. She went to the same school and college as me but I never really talked to her much in person, though she did used to sit next to me in my breaks. I usually got annoyed and left if somebody did that, but it never bothered me when she did for reasons I cannot fathom.
We found we had a mutual interest in anime when we started talking online, and she is the only other person I know in real life that likes it.
We are friends but no relationship has developed out of it.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Anna - 04-19-2007 09:53 PM
Hm, I met someone on the internet nearly 3 years ago now who ended up becoming a good friend, but not more. We've met in person once - he spent a week staying here last summer. But too many meetings would be impractical - we're from different countries. I do think meeting online helped us become friends though. And although I'm probably not a "real aspie", I do think I'm somewhere around the borderline. Come to that, he might be around the borderline too.
I sort of met my current boyfriend online. We had met before - we went to primary school together - and our parents knew each other, but we hadn't talked it about 6 years. Then he tracked me down on bebo... we talked on msn for a while before meeting up in person. He definitely is an aspie, so I'll have to ask him if the msn phase made things easier.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - krispyg76 - 04-21-2007 11:17 AM
Distance relationships can work, I have had a few but your work is an important part of this. Luckily I was allowed to finish Monday lunchtime, then have Tue and Wed as my days off then i would work on a Thursday afternoon. That helped that my employers were so accomodating.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Duckfetishgirl - 02-19-2011 11:14 PM
Yes. Wasted 2 years of my life dating online. I wasn't dating irl so it didn't cause a hindrance. I realized it was going nowhere and we are just friends now.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Genesis - 02-20-2011 12:47 AM
I would never fit there criteria anyway....
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Ana54 - 02-20-2011 03:37 AM
Stan and I met on WrongPlanet and talked for less than a month, then we were in a common-law marriage together in person for a little over a year. Then crap started happening.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - OtaBenga - 02-20-2011 03:50 AM
I know of two couples from an MMO I used to play that have been happily married for 5 or so years now. Both of them involved an American moving to Australia.
I've never been in a long distance relationship, and never considered it until recently. Unfortunately she doesn't have access to the internet right now. We've both really liked each other for years, but the distance makes things complicated and impractical. I might as well give it a shot while I've got the chance though.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Gareth - 02-20-2011 10:15 AM
3 times, 3rd time was a charm. You might know her - she's called Amy
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - nialll - 02-20-2011 10:22 AM
never done it. im crap with dating sites etc, i make a terrible first impression, so i just sort of gave up a long time ago.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - MindMatter - 02-20-2011 11:29 AM
Yes. He was my first boyfriend and the man I lost my virginity with. He lived in a completely different state to me and I would fly there and stay with him for a few weeks. He never came to visit me. We met on a chat website and got along really well, then started talking on the phone for several hours a few times a week. It lasted for about a year. The end was when I went to visit him for New Years Eve and he waited till I got there to tell me that he had met someone else and wanted to have a serious relationship with her, but he was happy to sleep with me while I was staying with him. I was devastated and caught an early flight back home...
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - nialll - 02-20-2011 11:48 AM
MindMatter Wrote:
but he was happy to sleep with me while I was staying with him.
...charming.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Jayn - 02-20-2011 12:17 PM
He was not different at all once we met. It took a little while for me to acclimate to having him around (a couple days), but we started joking around the same as we did online almost immediately. We knew each other for a year and a half (dated for a year of that) before a two-week engagement and civil ceremony.
I really feel online relationships are underestimated. A lot of people take them very lightly, but really they take a relationship down to it's most fundamental component--communication. Jeff and I would often have four or five lines of communication open at once while dating (daily!), and while not being able to do most normal 'date' activities sucked, we got to know each other really, really well, even being able to support each other long-distance through tough times.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Genesis - 02-20-2011 03:54 PM
Well I'll admit it, I talk to this girl in Greece sometimes.... except its not so often.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Lucid lunacy - 02-20-2011 07:52 PM
MindMatter Wrote:
Yes. He was my first boyfriend and the man I lost my virginity with. He lived in a completely different state to me and I would fly there and stay with him for a few weeks. He never came to visit me. We met on a chat website and got along really well, then started talking on the phone for several hours a few times a week. It lasted for about a year. The end was when I went to visit him for New Years Eve and he waited till I got there to tell me that he had met someone else and wanted to have a serious relationship with her, but he was happy to sleep with me while I was staying with him. I was devastated and caught an early flight back home...
He doesn't seem like someone you'd want to be in a realationship with...
I haven't had a long term online relationship as it didn't last very long with my big sister and it didn't feel good when it ended but we are best friends and I'm her lil bro now so it's not so bad. I'll live with her anyway and I'll be able to make her life better in my own way by doing everything I can to help them. We'll be one big happy family.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - LordKhandejifer - 03-04-2011 07:51 PM
Does having a one night stand with someone you met online count?
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - nialll - 03-04-2011 08:21 PM
LordKhandejifer Wrote:
Does having a one night stand with someone you met online count?
that's long-term to you? that must suck.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Duckfetishgirl - 03-04-2011 08:26 PM
I develop feelings for people I meet online like a fat retard.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - LordKhandejifer - 03-04-2011 08:37 PM
nialll Wrote:
LordKhandejifer Wrote:
Does having a one night stand with someone you met online count?
that's long-term to you? that must suck.
Well it's the closest to an online relationship that I've had. Two months of cybering before we met in person for what was perhaps the greatest one night stand of my life. The OP did not mention anything about dating in real life. That's a bit of a different story.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - nialll - 03-04-2011 08:57 PM
yeah it seemed funnier in my head.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - LordKhandejifer - 03-04-2011 09:02 PM
I have a tendency to take things too literal. =\
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - nialll - 03-04-2011 09:09 PM
well you are on an asperger's site
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - LordKhandejifer - 03-04-2011 09:12 PM
nialll Wrote:
well you are on an asperger's site
Friggin' rights bud! 
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Lestat - 03-05-2011 05:04 AM
Ducky, you are no such thing hun. Not at all. Nothing at all wrong with having feelings for someone you met online. its how I met my current GF, she was on AFF for maybe all of a month, and we somehow got talking (she never really spontaneously talks to just anyone) and after knowing each other for a few years, we recently hit it off.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - AspieMomma - 03-05-2011 05:24 AM
Duckfetishgirl Wrote:
I develop feelings for people I meet online like a fat retard.
*smack!*
No putting yourself down! Not on my watch! 
Caring about someone makes you a decent person. Better than people who think they can mess with people's feelings online! That's messed up, but caring about people is a good thing.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - aspie92 - 03-05-2011 09:41 PM
Do/did you have a 'significant other' whom you've only known online, or only online for a long period before meeting in person?
Yes
How did it work out?
I don't but I have some difficulties handling it. I mean I feel sometimes like I don't want to talk to her anymore but she talks, but we have a lot of things in common the thing that makes me enjoy our conversation.
Also, was he/she different in person than online?
Have not met her
Did the other person find you different in person than online?
IDK
How did your Asperger's affect the meeting?
Have not met her yet
Do I ask too many questions?
no
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Aeolienne - 03-19-2011 08:56 PM
How many times do you have to communicate with someone before it becomes an online relationship?
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Duckfetishgirl - 03-20-2011 06:05 PM
Aeolienne Wrote:
How many times do you have to communicate with someone before it becomes an online relationship?
You both have to agree it is a relationship. Some people start online relationships instantly like on an MMORPG where some kid asks for a girlfriend/boyfriend on general chat. It's kind of funny.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Mitro - 03-20-2011 06:59 PM
I have one friend I met on another forum who, after half a year, confessed she had a crush on me. We both agreed that staying friends was for the best.. At least I think so. I have a suspicion she still wants me, and I feel a bit bad for rejecting her. But I'm sure she'll find someone better than me.
So, the answer is no.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Aeolienne - 03-20-2011 07:06 PM
Duckfetishgirl Wrote:
Some people start online relationships instantly like on an MMORPG where some kid asks for a girlfriend/boyfriend on general chat. It's kind of funny.
What does MMORPG stand for?
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Mitro - 03-20-2011 07:12 PM
Aeolienne Wrote:
Duckfetishgirl Wrote:
Some people start online relationships instantly like on an MMORPG where some kid asks for a girlfriend/boyfriend on general chat. It's kind of funny.
What does MMORPG stand for?
Massive Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Game
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Aeolienne - 03-20-2011 07:27 PM
What sort of "relationship" is that if both parties are playing roles from the outset?
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Jayn - 03-20-2011 10:20 PM
One where he shoots arrows and I shoot ice balls. (Most MMORPG players don't roleplay in the traditional sense. And even among those who do, there's this thing called 'out of character' chat, if they want to talk as players rather than characters.)
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Kapkao - 09-22-2011 01:09 PM
Aeolienne Wrote:
What sort of "relationship" is that if both parties are playing roles from the outset?
Well, it isn't what you think it is :p
Well, behind every tank character*, lies a priest-like character** willing to heal and remove debuffs*** and DOTs****, a buffing/debuffing character*****, and a spellcasting damage-per-second AoE nuke character******.
*the person that takes damage from spells, melee attackers, and ranged attackers. Uses different techniques or strategies to "aggro" the attackers, and draw their attacks towards them. The living, breathing pincushion. Can heal themselves by attacking another potential enemy.
** Usually A Priest, Cleric, Clergy, Shaman or Druid, or some other spiritually-associated practice.
*** The action or spell used to lower a creature or person's stats and skills
**** Damage Over Time
***** The person that actually casts spells that enhances or reduces a person's stats. Either a spiritually-associated practice or an Enchanter.
****** The Mage, Wizard, Summoner, Conjurer, Warlock/Witch, or Battlemage. May also have a capacity for summoning useful nonplayer allies and useful consumable items and sometimes equipment, either for other players or for their summoned allies.
MMMORPGS, both Scifi and Medieval Fantasy, are pretty damned formulaic.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - ArianiaAmy - 09-23-2011 09:15 AM
I had a friend from another state that I met on a not so massive morpg (a mud) who I met in real life after chatting for several years online.
We met at least half a dozen times over the next three years. It was enjoyable visiting and always seeing new sights since he travelled being in the military. It was a very confusing relationship though, since he always wanted to be intimate but didn't seem to know what he wanted. In the end I guess it seemed he just wanted to be friends with benefits, but I fell for him. It was very difficult always trying to figure out how to interpret and appropriately respond to different situations since he wouldn't just say how he felt and he complained I didn't talk enough. Then he ended up dating someone he had met after knowing for two weeks. So, whatever, although sad, in the end it was less stress for me.
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - AngryPunkPixie - 10-02-2011 04:52 AM
I am in a relationship with someone with Bipolar and he is the sweetest man ever
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - AspieGrrl - 10-05-2011 04:58 AM
Hyperspace and I-
Met IRL
Were friends, but talked only over phone(Oct.-May)
Began dating[May]
(but didn't see each other til-)
July(4th)
Then it was October(twice)
February(twice)
[Possibly one time until]
May
June
August
Now it's October again, but we haven't seen each other since August.
Most of our communication is via video calls/phone calls/texts(I got texting recently).
What does this count as?
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - Lestat - 10-05-2011 02:01 PM
I'm sure you will have him tied to the bed in no time aspiegrrl
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - AspieGrrl - 10-06-2011 05:51 AM
/BRIGHT RED/
<GULP>
I meant for the poll...
[MAY OR MAY NOT SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST RIGHT NOW, NOT REALLY SURE, MY FACE IS REALLY QUITE RED, EARS TOO FOR THAT MATTER]
RE: Have you been involved in a long-term relationship with someone 'online'? - kikimiki - 02-02-2012 04:40 PM
Duckfetishgirl Wrote:
Yes. Wasted 2 years of my life dating online. I wasn't dating irl so it didn't cause a hindrance. I realized it was going nowhere and we are just friends now.
From my own experience, I think that online relationships work. I met a guy on a chat site. It really worked. When you start a relationship online, you get to know the other person really well at the comfort of your computer. You can start conversations around topics that you are both interested in.
If you really like each other you can continue the relationship offline.
http://www.chatboxuk.com