Yes ... I have had serious problems with bullying. Kids are like teasing him and doing things getting him in trouble and more. He has received detention on occasion for things he claims he never has done.

I am trying to find a better school next year. The principal hates me. I had him as teacher when I was student years ago. I hated him then. I hate him now.  I am waiting for the day when he will get expelled. I just am.

Could this be the trigger? He sits and reads during lunch breaks. Does not want to bother anyone. Kids come up to him and start abusing him. I have had some physical contact issues.

I used to believe what teachers told me so I ended up scolding my son. I am really wondering now if I had done him any harm.

He claims to not want friends. His friends at home are younger than he is, and he goes down to their level. I am trying to break him of that, but he thinks it's all funny being with six year olds and acting silly. Own peer age kids, though. He talks like an adult more than a peer, really. He likes TV shows for adults, not kids. Doesn't have interest in comics and cartoons and stuff his age. Doesn't even like most teen stuff. Claims he will never get married. Claims he doesn't see things the way most kids do.

I posted about the drug Concerta. I wonder if that could be the problem.

Have a look at the book "Cradles of eminence", and you'll see that many people who went on to become great and eminent people did not like school, were home-schooled or dropped out of school. There's a whole chapter in the book about how much school does not seem to be compatible with truly great and original thinkers, which kinda makes me wonder why we have schools ...

Cybermintz wrote

I think this is going too far to accomodate very bad behaviour. I do not believe autism is an excuse for violence or out of control anger (and I regard myself as an aspie). Sure, it is obvious to me that "anger control" is an area that is a challenge to most aspies, but it is a parent's duty to discipline a child when they are still young and small enough to be under their control. If they don't they could be creating a monster! No child should grow up with the idea that throwing crockery is normal or tolerable behaviour, because it just isn't. Having an aspie child is not an excuse for "dropping your load" with regard to disciplining your child. A tap on the tush never hurt any kid.

Oh, my!  My OB/GYN told me I couldn't possibly have felt my baby move at 13 weeks. But I know I did.  My husband felt him at 20 weeks.  He was my first and I thought before I had him that he may rip through my stomach before it was over.  He despised the elastic waist band of maternity pants and would push at it with his foot.  My second son never hurt when he moved.  

At 2 my older (Aspy) son was diagnosed ADHD, then Asperger's at 4.  He rolled, crawled and walked early.  At 9 months he would line toys perfectly straight by size and scream if they were moved. He's never played with toys in the "traditional" or expected manner.  I've always known he was special. And I mean that in the best sense of the word.

I was so surprised to see so many similiarities that I had to comment on it.  I stumbled onto this site today with no intention of posting so soon!

The rest of my post is not directed toward Keeley, nor any other individual:

We have been fortunate that our school (private) has read everything we've brought them and have incorporated some of the recommended methods to help him with his learning style.  It is a small school which helps considerably, I think.  He is allowed to be an individual while expected to behave and live up to his potential.  

Yet even in this environment, we have had to deal with bullying.  It seems one child on the playground waits until everyone is lining up and the teacher is preoccupied so that he can trip or punch him.

He is very sensitive and even in the normal way of children wanting to play with other kids, hurt by what he sees as a personal rejection.

I agree that it is something that can stay with them for a very long time and have a devastating effect on their self-esteem.  So, I think that bullying must be stopped at all costs.  However, I do realize it may not be possible for the child of the OP to be removed from or even transferred to a different school, as choices in our community are extremely limited as it may be in their community.

If there is any way to stop the bullying, including removing from that school, of course, it should be done.

If it is not possible to remove him, going up the chain of command and persistently demanding it stop should be pursued.  Individual therapy to learn ways of stopping it, coping with it, and preventing or improving self-esteem issues may be warranted.

Please don't flame me for saying something other than "Pull him out now".  I think if it is possible that should happen.  But in reality, it is not always possible.  So these are some things that occurred to me as part of an alternative.

Yeesh, sorry for the really long-winded post!  It's just so wonderful to have found this resource.

You are assuming that this kid can't be trusted not to smash things up, but you think he would still be suited to playing with younger kids and working as a babysitter? WHAT?

I hadnn't noticed that ... but I can see the thought process.  I would suggest mothers helper and not babysitter, though, since you make a really valid point.  Even though the issues of handling a tantrum and being able to be successful around children are going to be separate 99% of the time, you can never be sure that the need to throw a tantrum won't happen while babysitting.

If your son lived on a planet or country of autistics would he still feel any need to "try to act normal", would he still have a tragically limited support base of people who understand what he is all about, and would he still be a sufferer? How long do you think people like your son will be satisfied with living in isolation amongst neurotypical people? I think he deserves and needs something better, quite frankly.

I'm not sure if you are aware that the idea of forming an all-aspie exclusive community keeps popping up in aspie forums. My aspie husband says just about every week how much he wishes there was some other country or planet full of people like us that we could escape to to get away from the type of people who he calls "morons" (and I know what type of people he referring to).

I don't "live with Aspergers" and I don't "have Aspergers", I am an aspie, always have and always will be till the day I die.

Huh? Is that like being a feminine-gender-experienced person or being a heterosexuality-experienced person? Am I going to wake up one day a neurotypical and think "Gee whiz my experience of having Aspergers was a real weird trip, glad I'm normal now!"?  :?

Keeley, if you are still reading, this is indeed a forum for discussion of parenting issues, and sometimes parents give each other support with problems they are having, but it is not exclusively a parent support forum.  Autistic teens and adults also post in this forum sometimes to give their perspective on the issues being discussed and the broader social environment.  Sometimes these posts are quite blunt, as this is how many autistics prefer to communicate.  Posts discussing the civil rights implications of society's treatment of autistics and the use of words like "sufferer" are not intended to insult parents, but to raise awareness of common prejudices.

You are quite welcome to continue reading and posting here, if you wish.

DW_a_mom, you're nice.  I vote we make you an honorary Aspie! :wink:
Alison

I agree. I don't really have anything to help. I just wanted to say that I went through a similar thing when I was 11 to 13 years old and starting puberty. But yeah. My mum pulled me out of school and started home schooling me. But even that ended up not working as I was just not interested.

Oh, you are so wrong!!!!!  About how it applies to children on the spectrum, most certainly.

Raising a child isn't 100% about compliance.  It is also about teaching a child to function on their own, and to be reasonably happy as an adult.

The issues an Autistic or Aspie child faces are totally different from simple compliance issues.  It is about being able to COPE.  AT ALL.  Ignore the very real and overwhelming sensory issues these children face and you will not only fail to acheive the results you want, but your child will be so unable to cope that the only choice will be institutionalization.

For a midly affected child, old fashioned discipline might seem to work.  Until they commit suicide as a teen overwhelmed by the misery of their life.  Or until they reach adulthood as my father did, and are so internally damaged that they become emotionally abusive, and spend more time suggesting they'd be better off dead than they do laughing.

Raising a child is about a heck of a lot more than "winning."

Get lost, troll.  See, I am so sure that even you cannot 100% believe what you are saying that I can only conclude you must be a troll.  Sorry I took the bait.  But your statement, trollish or not, could not be left unchallenged.

It seems to be an "any publicity is good publicity" type of attention-getting thing.  But I was like you.  I would just get upset and try to avoid them even more. It seems as if I spent my entire education attempting to avoid everybody!  
Alison

I *am* an aspie, and had a bad time during my teens. First of all, on top of Aspergers a mood disorder, bipolar, emerged at that time and wasn't treated. Secondly, school got harder, peer pressure (which I never gave into) drove me crazy, the high school was huge (I hate crowds) and I started cutting class and hanging with some not-so-nice kids. Fortunately, my morals, which I refuse to compromise, forbade me from drugs or early sex, but I did throw some pretty wild tantrums. The more my parents would try to calm me, the more I couldn't. It was best to leave me alone so I could calm myself or they'd escalate. I don't know what was the Aspergers and what was the bipolar, or if it was both. I continued to have unstable moods and tantrums into adulthood until I started medication...for me it's Paxil and Klonopin, which work miracles for my moods. I have no meltdowns anymore. Make sure your child is not experiencing a co-morbid condition. I know it's easier to get a diagnosis of co-morbids in the US than in some other places. I'm not thrilled with everything our country does, but I like our mental healthcare system more than any other countries because we can at least pick and choose our own professionals. And they are not afraid to give us honest labels, such as bipolar, when we are still teens. Without my meds, I'd probably not be able to live in society. It is NOT this way for all or most Aspies though. But it's MY reality.

Consider Depression or Bipolar Disorder? Both usually involve great violence.

Do you & your husband argue constantly? He might be doing this stuff out of stress & angxiety.

One of the other problems is that your husband said 'Kill yourself if you want to do it,' when he was threatened with a knife.
That is a very bad idea. That's one way to make depression worse (if this is depression). Even if this isn't depression by itself, saying that will really worp someone's self-esteem.

Either way, I'm not trying to make you or your husband out to be bad parents. I'm just stating facts.

This sounds frighteningly similar to something I had to go through which happened though at only 16 it ended up that I had to be escorted to the ER by the local police anyway...

I am no medical professional but it sounds like Manic Depressive Disorder brought on by Bipolar syndrome in my case though I was lucky though because i sought help immediately...

it had escalated for at least 4 days everything from crushing cans of soup, kicking the walls and slamming the door, to threats of suicide which was not myself at all and I knew it...

anyway see if you can get him into counseling with someone who has a better understanding of AS or Autism then many of the new doctors in the field of medicine I have a feeling if you do that

then you won't be stuck with a doctor that will only prescribe medication "because he feels thats the best thing for him" and only make matters worse

if he can start your son on a medication that works and rigorous counseling then perhaps your son can be able to turn his life around