lol seriously?

As a former mental ward patient, you have to get colorful to get things to work.

Talking to people usually helps. He is your dad, after all. Talk to him, or write him a letter. Be calm when you do, think about the words you wanna say carefully. Show him this.

If you done so, don't stop trying. In the end all you can do is try. Don't try or expect him to change, but try and expect him to grow.

"He was a good dad once". How old are you? Maybe something happened in his life that you don't know of that made him this way. People don't just flip because of nothing.

I've tried talking to him before and he still doesn't change... writing him a letter doesn't work either because he's blind.

I'm 20. He's always been that way, but he became more demanding than ever back when he lost his sight around 6 years ago.

Losing your sight is not a small deal. I am sure it did scar him for life. I don't know how he lost it, but it could also have affected.

In which aspect is he more demanding? On having you do things for him? or other things? If talking isn't a fix, then I am sure there's other fixes you can find.

Also, does he know brail?

I love you.

I love you too! *huggles*

You wouldn't say that if yours was physically and mentally abusive. I couldn't eat in the morning too sick. My dad got mad at me a couple of times and picked me up and slammed me on the chair so hard I threw up stomach acid in my mouth and had a tummy ache all morning. I was 4 years old. I never was comfortable with him in the room. I would be so nervous I would knock over my drink only to anger him and have him beat me for it. He also hit me if I cried as if that was going to make me stop saying "don't cry!".

aww :/ thats horrible. My father wasnt really all like that but I remember an incident where he either picked me and kinda threw me down on the floor or at the wall...i think it was closer to the wall though...and he used to give these horrible spankings..more like beatings..even his hand would do. He was strong. He used his hand in the car when I didnt answer a question fast enough (I think it was about something I did that was against the rules). Yeah I dont get that dont cry crap...so now im not allowed to feel about you hitting me hard? my mother told that my sister Oh stop crying and blah blah when she obviously couldnt help it and wouldnt immediately stop anytime soon and even when she was trying to quiet down shed say it again...I think my mom was just mad that she had such a reaction as if she (mom) did something that was bad which she did..something like that anyway.

Sometimes I wish I could be away from my parents too for summer breaks. The only time I'm actually away from my parents is during the fall and spring because that's when school is in session and I attend a school far from home. Luckily I gotta go back soon so I'll finally be away from my parents again for a while (yesss lol)! I feel really bad for you though. Your dad sounds worse than mine. I don't know much to say but good luck avoiding your dad and hope all goes well for you.

More on having me do things. He has other sons and a daughter there too, but he always come to me first. I know I was the spoiled one, but it'd be nice to have a break from his orders once in a while and just leave me alone. He gives me long lectures about stupid little things too and often repeats himself, which I hate. And no he doesn't know brail.

Not really to be honest, but thanks for sharing anyway.

True... sometimes, but not always.

I guess you're right. A lot of people do need a father. While my dad may not be the greatest, I still gotta learn to tolerate it. Did you grow up having one at least?

:'(

Only saw the beginning of that movie and never saw this Lou guy in it, but damn that terrible... I think Aspies could be parents if they're raised right. NTs can be bad parents too. I guess its just how one is raised and grows up.

Damn that's horrible... I hate it when parents are abusive.. mine arent as much as you guys', but it still makes me sad reading about people's abuses. You're a great sister btw. She must be very lucky to have you.

I strongly disagree, and I think that this kind of pessimism is what keeps a group of people down.  That's like saying women shouldn't vote because they're silly and airheaded, or that deaf and blind people are only qualified for the most basic jobs, if any.  Its nonsense and its not what brings about neurodiversity acceptance.  

I do think that aspies need to be self aware and know their limitations.  We tend to have problems with our temper (guilty here...) and we have to have aquired the appropriate coping skills before becoming a parent.

That's what I meant. From what I've seen most aspies are underexperienced and would be a danger to children. Most NTs are a danger too, but they don't learn from experience like we do once they're grown up. Most people shouldn't be parents, that's obvious from meeting them.

I think some people forget that it takes more than fornication to make a parent.

me too...

I was a single teenage Mum and Aspie, motherhood was daunting for me. But my Mum, who always understood me when others didn't, taught me that children dont conform to the need for order and organisation that I have. I learned to let my son be his own person and do things in his own way. I discovered that my world didn't turn upside down if he didn't want to arrange his toys in size order. It was hard but with support Aspies can be excellent parents. My love of numbers and words meant I had taught him to read and write and do basic arithmetic by the age of 2 1/2. He benefited from my aspiness.

I wouldn't have protested much if my mother made a rule about organizing my toys on 'likeness'. Thing is -it has to be arranged on basis of color, not size. Nothing irritates me than assorted-color toys.

MY DAD DID EXACTLY THE SAME!!! I would always be a little scred or unconfortable when i was little and he was around. And if I cried he would start shaking me and yelling to me that i shouldn't cry. Once he lifted me up in the air and threw me against the wall because I was crying.
I remember when i was 15, just before moving out, he shook me and shouted for something i can't remember. Then I pushed him violently against the wall and looked him in the eyes with al my anger before running my way. It felt SO liberating!

I think there must be nurturing factors affecting your ASD... i mean, maybe it's a predisposition that is manifested when exposed to traumas. Or maybe our social skills are impaired, partly, because of out parents' attitude toward us, after all children look at their parents to know how to act in the real world. And if they are violent, abusive, alcoholic or depressed.. then they are probably too buisy thinking about their own problems than to teach the child how to cope with the world. So Aspie characteristics are aggravated. I have a lot of aspies in the family and i noticed most of them have divorced parents, or very ****** up parents.

Maybe the problem is that the parents that have autistic predispositions that they will pass on to their children, are simply terrible parents..

I love both of you.


Anyway, maybe your dad is trying to be a man because sometimes when you get disabled you aren't seen as so independent and manly anymore.

Yay

Mine was the same. For example he would terrorize my cat by stroking him roughly and without regard. Never mind what he did to me. He was obviously AS yet totally different to me. Maybe if you have a father like that you become acutely aware of boundaries.

Did you ever have to quack like a duck at your shrink?

that sucks. my sympathies.

I moved out when I was seventeen (I'm 19 now) but I still have contact with my mom. It's different because I do not rely on her for food, money, transportation, education or housing. Our relationship has improvement much since then. She typically treats me like an adult when we talk. I've loaned her money before; I babysit occasionally; sometimes she'll ask to go to lunch or visit my university.

In regards to the difficulties you are experiencing, just keep in mind you will not have to live with your father forever.

wow.. a lot of kids that age tend to blame themselves for it whether they should or not. interesting how you didn't.

I have learned this at a very young age, sometimes forgiveness is about letting the anger inside you go, dosnt mean you have to forgive that individual and start having contact with him again.... it just means that you are able to let the past be the past and to move on, like you have already done thus far.  Just try not to think of the things he has done to you anymore and try to focus that energy being wasted on such memories into being the good father that you are.

My mom told me it was my fault my dad left her because I am a brat. She also told me that about her boyfriend who left her. My mom likes to blame others. I hate that about her. She does it to everyone about anything.

Ouch talk about being stuck between a hard place and a rock.

Hi Mosborn, good story. I don't believe that children are under any obligation whatsoever to forgive abusive parents. Abusive parents who are shunned and hated by their children simply reap what they sow.

My father died when I was 28 years old. I despised him and never forgave him while he was alive. If he were alive today, 18 years later, I would despise him even more. Being a father myself now, the way he treated me and the rest of my family disgusts me and baffles me more than ever.

I was 40 years old before I became a father. It wasn't exactly a planned thing, and I really believed that I wouldn't be capable of loving my son. Thankfully I was wrong about that. It is his birthday today and it breaks my heart that I'm here in Sydney looking for a job and not there to share the day with him.

I don't know what was wrong with my father. Sociopath seems to be the closest fit by far. He also showed signs of bipolar disorder and he might even have been a really nasty aspie. It doesn't matter at all to me what made him the way he was and how much or how little control he had over his own behaviour. I know how much it would hurt me every moment of every day if my kids grew up to hate me, and my father must have felt at least a little of that pain.

Like yourself, I know that I will never be the man that I might have been if I had grown up in a less abusive environment. I was in my mid 30s before I was even remotely functional. My 2 brothers and 1 sister that I grew up with - life has passed them by, they have all suffered serious depression and as dysfunctional as much of my life has been... I'm the poster boy for "functional" in my family. They are all smarter than me, ridiculously smart.

When my father was alive I sometimes had well-meaning twits trying to tell me that I HAD to forgive my father, like it was my duty or something. I used to say that I had no problem with forgiving him for the way he treated me, but that I could never forgive him for the way that he treated my mother and my siblings - all the people in my life that I really cared about. Nobody really had an answer for that one.

I would if I thought they were wrong about something.