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Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - Printable Version +- Aspies For Freedom (http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com) +-- Forum: General (/forumdisplay.php?fid=48) +--- Forum: Parents (/forumdisplay.php?fid=7) +--- Thread: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children (/showthread.php?tid=1026) |
Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - wondergirl100 - 02-27-2005 04:10 AM Have a child who is autistic? Need a question to be answered about autism? You've come to the right place! I will answer any questions you have for me. But I have some questions directed to any parent who reads this and has an autism/asperger child. How old is your child? When did you first notice that your child is autistic? What qualities does your child possess that allowed you to assume your child is autistic? What does your child like to do in their spare time? What behaviors does your child have? Does your child have any friends? What's it like being a parent of a child so different? Those are the questions that all the parents who read this should answer and have children who are autism/asperger. I look forward to reading all of your answers tommorrow. - MishLuvsHer2Boys - 02-27-2005 04:54 AM Just curious seeing you're new to the site... what qualifications do you have at 16 yrs of age and not a parent to feel comfortable with assuming you are able to help parents of autistic children and such unless you're a parent yourself? I haven't seen you on here much or seen much posted about yourself. I guess as a parent self-diagnosed Asperger's and a son with Moderate Autistic Disorder (termed as HFA), I also have a son that seems to fit NT like his father, I would rather know a little more about the person that supposedly could have answers to questions that a parent would possibly have dealing with their child on the autism spectrum. Maybe you'd like to introduce yourself a bit more so people can get to know you more and feel more comfortable asking you questions. ![]() I guess what I'm trying to say is most parents NT or on the Autism Spectrum tend to prefer a more mature and more experienced opinion when dealing with a child NT or on the spectrum. Unfortunately being a parent gives you a little different knowledge on dealing with children in general than babysitting or just liking children in general. Dealing with children in general NT or on the spectrum, both have similiar issues in general but there are a lot of different issues as well due to how you deal with helping them succeed in life. - wondergirl100 - 02-27-2005 06:50 AM well actually you know how I am able to help you guys? is that being an autistic myself but I don't know which kind that's how I am qualified to help people and plus I know people with autistic relatives and autistic children - wondergirl100 - 02-27-2005 06:51 AM and NO I'm not a parent myself I've just learned and read alot about autism and aspergers - MishLuvsHer2Boys - 02-27-2005 04:04 PM Than maybe you'd be better suited to helping autistic/aspie individuals like myself than trying to help solving parent-type issues with children. Unless you have a child yourself, you won't understand what it is really like to deal with a child from that level especially at your age. Parents often wish to talk to other parents as that is who is most experienced, not to a teenager unfortunately with no experience as a parent. Plus your attitude I saw on another thread towards NTs would preclude most NT parents wouldn't want to get advice from a person that insults them. That's just my opinion and from observations of NTs especially parents. ![]() In this case, it's usually a case of stick to what you are experienced in. Parenting advice from a 16 yr old that has never had a child of their own is not always reliable. There are several of us on this board that are parents both NT and on the Autism Spectrum, both Autism and Aspergers and are here to help out with questions from NTs and others. Maybe it's best to leave it to them. Thanks. - Catffienated - 02-28-2005 01:52 AM I can see both of your sides. I'm 16 and not a parent either. However, parents do ask me for information or advice on occasion. I answer, as a person who researchs autism and has experienced it. I think the most useful area you *could* help parents with is when they ask "Why?" is their kid doing something and you have a theory. I understand sometimes it can be frustrating to talk to NT parents, but really most aren't bad people. They just see an upset kid and want to help. :razz: - crickey96 - 02-28-2005 11:05 PM Like Catffienated, I can also see the point both of you are making. I am an Aspie and parent of an Aspling. I also research and learn a lot about Autism and AS. I can say from my own point of view that it is hard for a parent to take advice from anyone who is not a parent. But I also understand that being an Aspie makes you qualified to give advice because you understand what their child is feeling. :? wondergirl, I think the way you present your offer to help is lacking the compassion that parents are looking for. When I first read your post I thought you might be writing a book about AS, and came here for information about children to include in your book. As a parent I find it intrusive when you request so much information up front. I am more comfortable posting the concern and requesting your feedback. I have no doubt that your input would be valuable to an NT parent trying to understand their childs behavior, and I commend you for offering them support :smile:. Maybe you could revise your approach and try to present more understanding when you offer your assistance, I think you would get a much more positive response from doing so. Crystal - julieanne - 03-01-2005 10:03 PM I personally feel that as a parent of a ASD child with communication and learning difficulties, i do find that parents who have a child like mine do understand the upset and pure hard work of having a child with ASD. and in all fairness unless you have been there in that situation it can be hard to really understand the real strains from a parents point of view that this can have.im not saying that a child or teenager with ASD or aspergers syndrome does not have the understanding but i am purely talking about it from a parents eye view of things and teenagers viewing them selves is slightly different. I do think that any advice is welcome and you will either act on it or not and its kind of people to take the time and effort to help others along the way whether its adult or teenager. and isnt that what a site like this is all about helping others?? i have always viewed it as that and i hope to continue to do so. :razz: - Amy - 03-01-2005 10:34 PM I agree julieanne. - Kev - 03-02-2005 06:37 PM Quote: I personally feel that as a parent of a ASD child with communication and learning difficulties, i do find that parents who have a child like mine do understand the upset and pure hard work of having a child with ASD. and in all fairness unless you have been there in that situation it can be hard to really understand the real strains from a parents point of view that this can have.
im not saying that a child or teenager with ASD or aspergers syndrome does not have the understanding but i am purely talking about it from a parents eye view of things and teenagers viewing them selves is slightly different.
- cleankittycat - 03-03-2005 08:01 PM Hi there Evan is 9 years old and we noticed that there was something different about him when his youngers ister was born 2 years later. We hadn't noticed it when he was born, because he was our first, but he didn't give eye contact, never cried, laid in him crib and scratched at the blanket that he laid on. Evan has VERY strange behaviour pattersn, can't cope in strange or unfamiliar suroundings. the friends that he does have are VERY close and love him to bits, none of them will let him get hurt emotionally and all do thier best to keep him "on an even keel". My biggest problem is schooling, evan is classed as too autistic to be in mainstream but not autistic enough to be in special school so I home educate. He also has Ankylosing Spondylitis , along with his sister and father. I have just recieved notification that University of Sheffield has accepted me on thier Masters Degree course, provided I can find fuinding, which I probably can't now that evan is at home with me all the time it's only £1549 but its a lot to find on benefits. Hope this answers you questions. If you need any further info I am always willing to answer. Re: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - Cindy - 06-04-2005 02:51 AM :grin: Well, I've been lurking for a bit, so I guess I'll take the plunge and make my first post. wondergirl100 Wrote: I have some questions directed to any parent who reads this and has an autism/asperger child. How old is your child?
Quote: When did you first notice that your child is autistic? What qualities does your child possess that allowed you to assume your child is autistic?
I realized my son is autistic about 8 months ago, a few months after I accepted the reality that I was autistic (about 11 months ago). Until that point, I knew we were quirky, but I always assumedt we were within the bounds of "normal"! :lol: It helps that I grew up with a dad who was just as quirky and socially inept as myself. Hmmm... genetics... :wink: Quote: What does your child like to do in their spare time?
Son: Pokemon, video games. Quote: Does your child have any friends?
No. Quote: What's it like being a parent of a child so different?
So different?? He's not different. - TheASman - 06-04-2005 03:14 AM Cindy Since you live in PA please teel me what you think of this http://freeeric.tripod.com/ - Cindy - 06-04-2005 03:33 AM TheASman Wrote:
- tenaciouscj - 12-31-2005 04:34 PM I think this young lady was sincerely trying to help and it wasn't very nice for some people to put her down. At least she is taking an interest in the subject of autism - there are so many who don't want to know. - Stella - 12-31-2005 05:22 PM No Tenacious. The writing of her very old post is that of professional sales language. What was she marketing? Who can say? But she's not been back. - Iron_Man - 01-01-2006 05:47 AM This is why people are often advised to sit and read groups or boards for a while before they post. But then, anyone who has studied Internet marketing will know that people can be incredibly hostile to advertising that they did not seek out for themselves. - tenaciouscj - 01-01-2006 06:23 AM Stella, do you mean she could have been only pretending to be 16 years old and wanting to help people with autistic children? That is very disappointing. I must admit to not coming across too much professional sales language but I usually distrust it on principle. - Amy - 01-05-2006 11:06 PM Hi Rae_May :smile: - Stella - 01-05-2006 11:40 PM Hello Ray_May and Welcome to AFF :smile: Stella - Rae_May - 01-06-2006 12:46 AM Thanks Stella and Amy :!: - fishy - 01-06-2006 09:40 PM hi Rae_May, I'm fairly new here to, I'm an NT with AS husband, two AS children, and two NT children, my husband has been on here for a good while and invited me on recently. People have been really nice to me and I am sure will make you feel welcome too. - DW_a_mom - 01-06-2006 10:42 PM I confess to finding the question and the offer for help a little odd, and my suspicisions naturally kicked in, this being the internet and all. But, you know, wondergirl, if you are who you say you are, then I can't really expect you to play by my rules, since they really are formed by NT society, can I? So, I'm going to take a leap of faith and provide you with the information you seek. Assuming I can accurately remember all the questions, lol. My son is 8 and was given a tentative diagnosis of Aspergers from the school psychologist when he was 7. We have some follow up to do with that, but so far the diagnosis fits, and it has gotten my son the type of help he needs. A child who once struggled is now thriving. Do I really need to know more? I never suspected Autism or Aspergers because my son is an extremely emotional and social child. Basically, I had old ideas of what Autism and Aspergers were all about. My son has always been different, and those differences have always made it challenging to parent or school him, but we have always seen those differences as also having tremendous upside potential for him, too. There never was a time that I looked for someone to confirm there was something "wrong" with my child. He has just, always, well, been difficult and wonderful all at the same time, from the day he was born. My son is bright, energetic, and social in the sense that he desires social contact - but his skills in that area are poor. He has friends, although all his friends are closer to other children than they are to him. That is something he accepts. We have children over often, because we find that his friendships go a little easier if I help mediate the arguments that always arise. I don't want to ask another parent to have to go that extra mile to keep the friendship working, so I offer to host the playdates. My son is mainstreamed at school, and it was his difficulties in Kindergarten and first grade that led to his evaluation for special education and, from that process, the tentative diagnosis for Aspergers. While he is obviously bright to everyone who meets him, he can't write, spell or read well. That clear gap between apparent ability and actual ability led us to look for more, for an explanation, for some bridge we just didn't know how to find. Our school has been wonderful. My son is HAPPY now. There was a time he was in danger of shutting down from his frustration, but no more. His friends understand that he is different and are willing to work with him on his terms. His teachers understand. We understand. None of us are perfect at it, of course, but just holding the door open makes him happy. Does that help? - Amy - 01-20-2006 08:17 PM Hi and welcome jpa69, thanks for your introduction. :smile: - Stella - 01-20-2006 08:28 PM hello and welcome to AFF, jpa69. :smile: RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - Meiloyn - 01-14-2007 09:33 PM Excuse me, Autistic people pick up all sorts of jargon and registers by accident. She could really be 16 and may have picked up "sales person English" off someone she knew. I sounds much older than I really am myself, 14. RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - Bob Bobson - 01-14-2007 10:04 PM That seems plausible to me. If she is autistic herself and knowledgable about the subject, I believe she actually could have answered some questions. Maybe I am just being a bit naïve and I am unable to see something in her posts that others could. RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - Meiloyn - 01-14-2007 10:45 PM Pretty much anyone can help a parent with their child, through thought, actual experience if the have any, and their own childhood moments. RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - tenaciouscj - 01-18-2007 05:45 PM She sounded sincere to me but I also wonder why some people would have thought she wasn't genuine. RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - DeAnna - 04-18-2007 11:46 AM My name is DeAnna. I am a parent of an 8 year old beautiful browneyed little boy named Brandon. Brandon was diagnosed with Autisim when he was 5. I noticed something wasn't quite right with his development around the age of 2.I am very fortunate though, because Brandon is in a mainstream classroom for most of the day. He is definatly along the lines of a highly functioning autie. Although, my heart breaks because my baby,like most autistic children,does not have any friends.his social skills are improving over the years, but still not to the point where he is having play dates of any kind.I would really like to talk to someone who understand how I am feeling. RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - DeAnna - 04-18-2007 11:51 AM My name is DeAnna .A 29 year old mother of an 8 year old autistic boy named Brandon. He is my entire world. I am just looking for people to talk to about their children(child) with autisim...someone who understands what I am going through with my son. Will someone please respond to me?
RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - noohoo - 04-24-2007 11:02 AM Hello Board, Just joined after finding this forum after my 13 yr old daughters Diagnosis of 'High Functioning Autism/Asperger's Syndrome'. I'm looking for something, not sure what as I'm still feeling quite bitter and angry about all of this. NOT because my daughter has Asperger's - I've suspected that since she was around four years old. But because for years she was punished at school for things she couldn't understand and didn't know how to respond to others. She is incredibly intelligent ( her testing results were 'off the scale') and therefore was labelled as Lazy at school as she refused to do mundane things like homework, however, once she had read or learned something, she genuinely had and could see no reason for doing it again - causing tremendous conflict with teachers. I was accused of being a bad parent, with no sense of discipline due to her bizarre behaviour in class, I was accused of being a neglectfull parent who had produced an attention seeking child. I spend every waking moment with my children (I have two others without any ASD's), I have always had to work from home as I could never hold down a job due to my daughter's problems and the fact that her school (almost daily) would suspend her for something. I was refused help at every turn and had to fight tooth and nail for her to be assessed and finally recognised as having genuine difficulties. Untimately making a 'parent referral' to Psychological services. Like I said she is now 13 and only recently gotten a placement at a school where she is nurtured and valued, her clinical diagnosis came 4 weeks ago. That was quite a surreal experience! I was told 'yes, as you expected she has Aspergers Syndrome/High Functioning Austism' - I was given a folder full of literature that told me nothing I didn't already know or hadn't already experienced with her and sent home. I know nothing will change and I do not ever want to change her in any way. She is incredibly bright, a talented artist, a vocabulary I would kill for and very much her own person with her own sense of self worth. But my greatest concern is that she is struggling with the diagnosis (I think), she seems to have slipped into a depression, become even more withdrawn and has begun to develop real eating issues - she just isn't eating. She always had unusual eating habits, for example, she likes simple home cooked food, but if we had meat, potatoes and veg, nothing on the plate could be touching anything else and certainly no sauces or gravies! I feel I've let her down in some way - I pushed for this assessment, hoping she would be treated with greater tolerance as a result and she would be able to get support in school. It seems to have backfired as now instead of considering herself to be 'just lucky' as she though because everything academic came so easily to her, she feels different. She has no friends and indeed seems to have no desire at all to seek out other young people and I can't quite reach her just now. Is this a common thing post diagnosis? I'm sorry about this lengthy post, I had a lot to spill out. RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - maz1 - 08-30-2007 05:43 PM hi i am a mother of an autistic son who is 8 years old i am finding it very hard to cope with him at the moment as my husband has just left is there any one out there that can give some advice how to deal with it all before i go mad thanks RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - maz1 - 08-30-2007 05:52 PM
DeAnna Wrote: My name is DeAnna .A 29 year old mother of an 8 year old autistic boy named Brandon. He is my entire world. I am just looking for people to talk to about their children(child) with autisim...someone who understands what I am going through with my son. Will someone please respond to me?
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RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - Tigger_the_Wing - 09-10-2007 10:01 AM Hi DeAnna & maz1. I'm so sorry that no-one has been looking at this thread for a while and that you have had to wait for a response, especially as the response isn't from someone in your own child's age-group! I'm not in the same boat as you, but I hope that won't mean that I cannot at least reassure you that the (AS) world has not abandoned you. I am so sorry that your husband has left, maz. That is rotten. I have been through the mill with all my five kids, NT and AS, but I can assure you that AS kids DO eventually 'catch up' (I did! ). I have three offspring in their twenties and fourteen-year-old twins. My eldest is now a concert pianist with letters after his name, my second runs his own WingTsun school - the fastest growing in Europe - and my daughter is about to complete a degree. Not one of them took a conventional path through the educational system. Two are parents with lovely sons. My fourteen-year-old Aspie has just got his school national test scores - he is off the top of the scale. I'm wondering how I'm now supposed to persuade him that it might be a good idea for him to attend more than 40% of his classes when he reckons he doesn't need to. The thing is, that we can lose sight of the best of our kids if we try to make them conform with modern society's very narrow view of what constitutes 'normal'. I and my Aspie ancestors were lucky enough to grow up in a culture where good old-fashioned English eccentricity was valued, not labelled as a disability! I know that's not much help as you must raise your boys now, not in the past, but I have found that an attitude of 'us against the world' helped me when the going got really tough with my older kids because the alternative was to side with the people making life tough for my kids, and that just made it worse. I regard my job as a parent is to act as an intermediary, or translator (such as those employed by the UN!). I don't have to be NT to help my kids to understand what the NT world is about, just to be able to translate what I have learnt about it to help them to cope a bit better. And if I am able to help the NT world to see my kids as people first and foremost, not as problems, so much the better. Sorry, rambling a bit (grannie's prerogative? ) please forgive me. Cyber hugs for people having it tough - I can only say again that IT DOES GET BETTER, it's just horrible that we have to go through the bad bits first.
RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - greymattersmam - 12-06-2007 01:32 AM DeAnna Wrote: My name is DeAnna .A 29 year old mother of an 8 year old autistic boy named Brandon. He is my entire world. I am just looking for people to talk to about their children(child) with autisim...someone who understands what I am going through with my son. Will someone please respond to me?
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RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - Mentane Ingolme-Yatta no Asuhi - 05-27-2009 08:55 AM tryingtohelpthentparents.ning.com/ Yeah; I'm trying to be helpful. I probably need the help myself. he he. ![]() Well, if I know I can help you, and the other variables aren't too risky (such as lack of personal knowledge), I will do the best that the circumstances and other variables allow for. I can also listen; feel free to message myself, as well. Um, my obsession was human mental patterns, so, even though my Interpersonal was A. never utterly and completely mastered, and B., has heretofore to a large degree crashed, my Intrapersonal intelligence is still up and zipping, so I can still, perhaps, offer some insight, on minds closely enough connected to mine.....? I can't quite read your son's mind yet, but if I learn a good deal about him, I might be able to interpret behaviour? He sounds like a complex character; one I should like to know. (NO insults intended; this is an approximation of MY skill only; not yours. SORRY if it was taken as an insult; I'm just trying to see if I can figure you out (and your son to a degree. I would not be able to figure out a person fully solely by word of mouth.).)
RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - Quara - 03-15-2011 11:37 AM I don't see why you guys have a problem with Wondergirl100's language. Isn't it somewhat common for aspies and autistics to use excessively professional language at times? Yeah, it sounds like she's writing a book. So? For me, that's the most intuitive way to act. I've only just gotten the hang of sounding truly casual in the last few years. RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - skyblue1 - 03-15-2011 01:29 PM since this thread originated in 2005 I doubt she is worried about that RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - violet_yoshi - 03-15-2011 03:39 PM Another helpful childfree person, pushed away by the army of parents. RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - windy - 03-15-2011 04:44 PM since this was bumped INSTEAD of making a new thread... FOUND THIS on a site from a link (about bullying) on another thread. http://media.smh.com.au/technology/tech-talk/kaspar-the-robot-helps-autistic-kids-2223039.html Robot helps autistic kids. RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - Ana54 - 05-21-2012 02:11 AM We are something MORE qualified than a parent to help them with an autistic child. We are autistic, and we have been autistic children. It's dehumanizing to say our parents know us better than we know ourselves. It's also dehumanizing to have someone claim they know you better than you know yourself because they read a bunch of books about this disorder you're supposed to have... or any kind of book at all. Did I enter the conversation too late? RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - junglistic - 11-26-2012 09:00 PM hello, my name is mandy. I am a single mom with a son on the spectrum. My son Dante is 5 we live in Massachusetts. In 2010 my son was diagnosed with PDD. He had 2 yrs of preschool and started kindergarten in the fall. He went to two school in 2 years and just started a new school. It has been very rough but we survive, we moved to a new apt in Jan and he took it rough. In JUne when school finished he had and still having troubles transitioning. he has gotten worse since June and since re diagnosed him with classic autism. He is on meds, since he has a lot of aggression issues. He was only getting speech and pt, last yr they dropped his ot. But I scheduled an iep meeting n they are gonna re do all of his evals since he only has his speech n ot at school which iis full day and there are 31 kids in his class. I have been in this battle since my sons birth with some issues now I'm reaching out. Thanks RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - AspieMomma - 11-26-2012 09:26 PM junglistic Wrote: hello, my name is mandy. I am a single mom with a son on the spectrum. My son Dante is 5 we live in Massachusetts. In 2010 my son was diagnosed with PDD. He had 2 yrs of preschool and started kindergarten in the fall. He went to two school in 2 years and just started  a new school. It has been very rough but we survive, we moved to a new apt in Jan and he took it rough. In JUne when school finished he had and still having troubles transitioning. he has gotten worse since June and since re diagnosed him with classic autism. He is on meds, since he has a lot of aggression issues. He was only getting speech and pt, last yr they dropped his ot. But I scheduled an iep meeting n they are gonna re do all of his evals since he only has his speech n ot at school which iis full day and there are 31 kids in his class. I have been in this battle since my sons birth with some issues now I'm reaching out. Thanks
RE: Questions & Answers For Parents of Autistic Children - Lang - 11-27-2012 03:25 AM DeAnna Wrote: My name is DeAnna .A 29 year old mother of an 8 year old autistic boy named Brandon. He is my entire world. I am just looking for people to talk to about their children(child) with autisim...someone who understands what I am going through with my son. Will someone please respond to me?
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