Aspies For Freedom

Marieke, those psychiatrists and psychologists can be horrible. The last one I saw said she thought is was a good idea to test. But when her report came there was only bs about how it was in my mind etc. She had not asked anything about my life, only about the last two years. And then her report was full of factual mistakes. (family size, traumatic things that were completely different etc.) She also wanted to refer me to a psychological centre with no experience in autistic adults at all.

I went looking for myself and found a centre with expertise. But still she did not get it and wanted me in her centre. We really got a row, because I had to pay big for her lousy report (I did not recognize myself in what she told, if my husband had read it, he would not have known it was about me. And I'm only talking about facts her, not about the psychological stuf.).

Autism in adults is very hard to detect. Especially if your very intelligent. And you are. Maybe you can google around to find a proper testing place. I don't know if there are lists of reliable places in the USA. I asked around at a national information centre in my country. And hopefully found a decent place. (I'll know that in a few days maybe)

It is strange that she can decide you're not autistic in such a short time. And Marieke, I don't know about you, but in retrospect, I was more sociable when I was pregnant.

Testing here may take weeks, and they'll want as much information about early childhood as possible. But it's different in every country.

Oh, I'm married for years and years now, probably to another aspie.
And I happened to talk to a former collegue, married and with children 6 and 4, he just got diagnosed. And he could tell how all kinds of therapy he and his wife had had did not work because his autism wasn't recognized. He's a psychology student btw.

Don't take your psychiatrist to serious. I know that's very hard. I really freaked out when my psychologist was playing tricks on me. It took me a long long time to recover.

You've got more important things in your life now. Rant as long as you need and relax afterwards. You are probably right and you know it.

Good luck

Quote from the psychologist:

"Everyone has some autistic traits. You just shouldn't take it serious!"

Jewellie, an NT child is not a problem... Please... I love my youngest, and she loves us. And yes, she is different, she is the social talent in our house.

I read stuff of NT parents about the pain they suffer when the've got an AS child. My youngest is no painful problem. She is different. So what. I love her. I do not always understand her. So she surprises me. And yes, she knows she's different. Only 6 years old, but she knows. Just saying, "You know, I think you all are so different from me, and so strange. You all like to do things on your own. I like to do things together." So I asked her if it was a problem. She said, no, I love you anyway and would not want an other family.

And we love her. She is raised in an non NT environment. So she does learn lots from our way of viewing the world. She's an analyzing person too. But with real social skills, and without the need to be on her own as much as we need it.

And because of her our oldest learned to play outside. And together they make the most beautiful stories, full of intricacy and mystery.

She does have some traits though. Panic-tantrums, sorting al kinds of things, hyperfocusing, cant stand tags in her clothes (she's more sensitive than we are). But social. And we watched her doing things we never could and said, is that our child? Amazing, how strange and how beautiful. Where did she get it from.

Don't be afraid of an NT child. Just don't.

It hurts me when I read how people talk about the problem their child is. My child is no problem.

Heh... that really made me laugh out loud.

The first psychiatrist I ever saw always seemed to me like she was on opiates...

Oh, btw, these psychiatrists I've seen are doing their residencies or internships or w/e... they're fresh out of med school.

I was wondering what was the point of UNdxing people... personally I'm not looking for an official diagnosis (not sure what the point of one would be, other than to jeopardize me and my baby's freedom), I just wanted feedback from somebody other than my husband and people online.

I saw my psychologist (the head of the counseling center at the university) on Tuesday and he was rather annoyed with what I told him about my psychiatrist's attitude (he's her new 'boss' for the rest of the year till the end of June). So he might talk to her and beat some humility into her or something. <grin>

My psychologist basically said that he wasn't an expert with Asperger's and such, but he DID listen to me. He thinks that I'm too good at reading and using body language and such, but he isn't sure. He also thinks it doesn't matter all that much whether I'm diagnosable or not... if reading about it helps me, then I should read about it, is his opinion (I agree). He thinks that my husband is more likely to be an Aspie, but has seen him only twice (iirc) over a year ago, so wasn't all that sure. I agree that my husband is more Aspie than me... Personally I think I'm really close to the diagnosable/undiagnosable line... just don't know on which side.

I finished reading "Aspergers in love" by Aston (iirc) a couple of days ago... All the NT women married to AS guys say their husband doesn't understand them (at all)... whereas I feel that my husband is the only person that DOES understand me. He understands me very well (though not perfectly). And iiuc there are three things that make AS harder to recognize in people... being an adult, being female, and being highly intelligent... all three of which supposedly apply to me. <grin> Also, I do well in one on one interactions with people I get along with... which is the only situation my psych has seen me in (aside from two sessions with my husband there as well). W/e.

I feel I just have trouble seeing the bigger picture when it comes to AS vs NT... I just can't tell what's normal and what isn't. I've been reading books about AS and such and been recognizing a lot of things, but then there are a lot of things that don't apply as well. I know all Aspies are different and that no Aspie has all the things described in the books... I just can't gain the bigger perspective of to what degree I'm AS or NT... failure to see the bigger picture of course is an Aspie trait in and of itself... I just find it highly frustrating... I don't like the uncertainty (which, guess what, is another Aspie trait...). I know it doesn't particularly matter, but I just want closure... Yes, I know I could go get an official dx but in this area that costs about $1000 which is about $1000 we don't have, plus there are disadvantages to having an official dx.

On the one hand I'm glad I'm looking into AS because it's making me think about a lot of things that were giving me trouble in my life and in my relationship, on the other hand I'm not sure how to react to the fact that I'm *somewhere* on the spectrum... that I'm not as perfect as I used to pretend I was. <grin> I'm also feeling pissed off at struggling so hard all those years...

I'm also wondering to what degree my parents are on the spectrum... I hadn't recognized that many traits in them, but when I read some passages on parents with AS it was like they described a lot of my parents' behavior.

Unrelated, but since I'm rambling anyway... I talked to my parents yesterday and my mom was telling me about how proud she was of my brother... he's 20yo and diagnosed with PDD-NOS and goes to an autism center. She said he's learning so much there... they're currently doing modules on learning self-help skills. Recently he learned how to go to the supermarket and cook some easy meals, and now they're doing a module on reading the labels on clothing so they know how to launder them and then learn to iron them. I honestly didn't know how to respond to her. I mean, he goes to an autism center, and some of the teens/young adults that go there have a fairly severe form of autism and probably really benefit from these things... BUT I know for a fact that my brother knew how to go to the supermarket to buy food about a decade ago already... he also knew how to bake cookies, make coffee and tea and boil and bake eggs over a decade ago already as well. He knew how to prepare some simple meals half a decade ago... I just can't believe my mom was saying she was proud he's learning so much... I'm just stunned... baffled... don't know what to do or say... I know it's not my problem, but I just don't get it. It's kinda scary when your parents are like that... Anyway, enough of a ramble about this for now.

Wow Marieke, I would have been pissed of if my mom talked like that.

I'm waiting for a diagnosis, and then all of a sudden I think, no way, I'm not on the spectrum. There's so much I can do. And then I know that the things I can do are also not NT. Like how I used to greet everyone as a kid. Only stopped doing that somewhere in my twenties. I'm a very fysical person, far more than most NT. I need touch. If I don't fit a characteristic, I seem to do the opposite. And that might be the same stereotypical behaviour in disguise.

My husband is the only one I can really talk to about 'life'. I think he is on the spectrum, or developed the traits because of strange, very isolated childhood. Probably both.

We both have a tendency to find structure everywhere, but also to think it through till were the structure does not fit anymore. We are doubters. We doubt everything, so I doubt every diagnosis aswell. Sometimes I think its this doubting, that makes it possible to live. There is no fixed right path, we just have to find our own way.

And that adult, intelligent, female stuff. Yes it does make it harder to diagnose, but it probably made it possible to get as far as you did without help too.

So not being perfect? Welcome to the real world, nobody is (grin). At least you know it.