Aspies For Freedom

Full Version: 10 things children with autism wish you knew
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I see what they're trying to do, bit I do have some problems with the list:

1) They can't blanket that. Some people like person first, some don't. I don't. I say 'I'm aspie' in the same way I might say 'I'm white' or 'I'm a girl'. It might be better to emphasise that autism is only part of the person. They are an autistic person, but there is more to them. If there wasnt, then they'd just be walking autistic traits, and nobody is like that, so it's safe to say that auties have traits that are separate from their autism.

However, it seems that the logic behind the person first is to prevent people being underestimated because they're autistic. That's good, but it's better to realise that autistic people aren't stupid and can do well rather than pretend the autism isn't there.

2) OK, but it isn't all true in every case. People who know nothing of autism may think that every autistic child has ALL these different sensory problems.

3) Not sure I completely understand this, but it seems OK. Except for when it isn't relevant to the individual kid.

4) Maybe it's easier to just tell the kid what the idioms mean if he or she makes it clear that he/she doesn't understand? Good idea though. However, the 'idioms, puns, double meanings, sarcasm etc are lost on me' comment is a bit of a generalisation. Not every kid will have a problem with all of these.

5) Now, the big problem I have with this is the assumption that the 'Little Professor' types don't understand what they're saying. I suppose I was a Little Professor type when I was younger. (I know that technically Aspergers rather than Kanners, which is what the article is about, but the line between Aspergers and HFA is really blurred, so I think I'm an OK example) I didn't get the stuff I said from a 'stock', I spoke like an adult because I copied my parents' langauge rather than my peers'. Even now, at 14, I think like an adult and struggle to realte to people my age. I find the suggestion that this is only the case because I don't understand what's going on around me quite offensive.

6) Quite a good point. Most autistic kids are visually orientated. But again, not all.

7) Can't go wrong here. It would be better if parents did stop stressing over what their kids can't do and start focusing on what they can.

8) The first bit is OK- exceot for the fact that some autistic kids don't want to socialise and most won't want to join in with ball games if there's another option going. The second bit is wrong. People don't laugh because they don't know they aren't supposed to. They either laugh because they find it funny or because they get their reactions muddled up. If an autistic child laughs, it's a natural reaction like it is with others.
Also, don't teenage/adult NTs (and autistics, for that matter) often laugh or cheer if somebody makes a mistake, but I don't see anyone correcting them or trying to ban You've Been Framed.


The big problem with it is, basically, the sweeping generalisations. There is no common denominator to autism. Every kid will be different, and to speak of them as if they are all the same is probably damaging.
Oh, and 9 and 10 are both OK.
That list is flawed because it doesn't really go into OUR point of view, not just some parent who thinks he/she knows all.
A lot of stuff could be shortened to 'if I tell you not to do something, I actually mean it.  Like, for example, 'don't do that' after you pat my back or squeeze my shoulder or whatever means DON'T TOUCH ME GODDAMMIT I HATE THAT SO VERY MUCH, and that overly friendly guy where I work should listen and stop it.  Damn that bugs me.

Anyway, yeah, angry rant aside, these kinds of articles don't really do that much good.  If you don't know this kind of stuff about your kid something is seriously wrong.
*shudders*  Cheek rubbing - that is horrible!

I just tell people I'm not into being hugged and it's usually ok.  Sometimes, though, they're too quick for me.

Until only a very few years ago Scotland was a pretty safe place to be in terms of hugging and kissing - we just didn't do it!  However, that sadly has suddenly changed - don't know why.  
Maybe people do it a lot on the telly and it gets copied..

I kinda wish you hadn't mentioned the cheek rubbing. I'm going to keep thinking about that now! Eurgh!

tenaciouscj Wrote:
Oh, I'm one of those people who like nuzzling and can assure you that I'm not a frotteur or a perve. It's a stim. Mind you, I would never ever do something like nuzzling a person with my cheek unless it was a loved one who didn't mind. The lady in silky's example probably didn't realise how distressing her behaviour would be and it's a shame it caused so much trouble.


My son is like that too.  Loves touching something soft,. like my arm or cheek.  Look out girls, I hope he can refrain from touching them.  Tenacious, duirng teen age years were you able to refrain? (When he was in kindergarten he kep having the imule to touch girls long hair - he's a big fan Smile )
Lately, if he mistakenly bumps into my arm, he has to "even it out" by touching the other arm.  Hope his hand doesn't mistakenly bump into a girl's rear and then he has to touvh the other side...

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He would wish someone to know that every person should be respected as an individual with ideas that matter, regardless of one's chronological age.

OOPs sorry about the typos...
He kept having the IMPULSE to touch long hair...

silky Wrote:

micgrace Wrote:
Yes I can't stand being touched unless the person is my lover.


I attended a convention last week and reminded several people I talk to online to NOT hug me when they see me.  I thought the weekend went unusually well.  Only a few people touched me.

The most upsetting touches were when one person unexpectedly kissed my hand and when a woman who asked permission to hug me and I don't feel i can say no without seeming like an ***. Instead of a squeeze around the shoulders, she leaned over and rubbed her cheek back and forth against mine.  Like a cat.  ARGHHH.  Gave me the willies.  I think I need to go shower again now.


Happy to hear the convention went well. Will you start a thread?

Intersting to me is the point that some people don't like people in their space and some aspies aren't good at staying out of others space.  My son stands too close, many times.

tenaciouscj Wrote:
Atypical, I got into a lot of trouble as a toddler because I wanted to stroke ladies' upper legs (they felt silky) and then a bit later because I wanted to feel other kids' hair, including little boys' crewcuts. I got bashed up quite a lot. Once I got to be 6 and mum nearly died, I changed a lot and only stroked cat fur.


Ds is now comparing the softness of various relatives skin (mentioning how his Grandma's arm is the softest, Aunt Sr.'s next etc., I'm third LOL ), (alas, my legs were recently rubbed under the table)

He loves to pet his/our dog. Smile  

Nothing wrong with stroking and being stroked - if you like that kind if thing. A very innocent stim by my way of thinking.

When my son was a toddler he used to run up to people he saw in the street and wrap his arms round their legs and not let go.

It was really embarrassing, especially when it was men, as I had physically to get him off! Thank goodness he's stopped doing that!

atypical Wrote:

tenaciouscj Wrote:
Atypical, I got into a lot of trouble as a toddler because I wanted to stroke ladies' upper legs (they felt silky) and then a bit later because I wanted to feel other kids' hair, including little boys' crewcuts. I got bashed up quite a lot. Once I got to be 6 and mum nearly died, I changed a lot and only stroked cat fur.


Ds is now comparing the softness of various relatives skin (mentioning how his Grandma's arm is the softest, Aunt Sr.'s next etc., I'm third LOL ), (alas, my legs were recently rubbed under the table)

He loves to pet his/our dog. Smile  

Nothing wrong with stroking and being stroked - if you like that kind if thing. A very innocent stim by my way of thinking.


I should mention that he mentions the softness to me AFTER and privately, as an aside.  He is not obvious about it.  Last year when he was stressed he did the "ever touch has to be even numbered" thing which could have been an issue - but he was doing that just at home and just to relatives.  

Marcia, how is school going? Have you gone to the chat room - I can now get in somehow... I' going to pop in there now.

Glenn Close in Air Force One, "They already have enough weapons on board to take Panama..... who do they trust, who do we trust?"  The guy who dies at the end.

Marcia Wrote:
When my son was a toddler he used to run up to people he saw in the street and wrap his arms round their legs and not let go.


Sounds cute.Big Grin

MissNewZealand Wrote:

Planet*Louise Wrote:

Marcia Wrote:
When my son was a toddler he used to run up to people he saw in the street and wrap his arms round their legs and not let go.


Sounds cute.Big Grin


Aww!! Thats so cute and loving. Its amazing how children are so loving towards the world around them


Lol! Big Grin

Yes, he's very cute and loving!

When he was 5 we were in a coffee shop and he went off to find the toy box, came back and told me he'd found some friends and was it ok if he spent some time with them.  I said that was ok, assuming it was children he knew.  It wasn't.  It was 2 women in their 30s and he was busy chatting one of them up.  He totally ignored the one he wasn't interested in, and gave the other one his phone number.  By the time I went to look for him he was standing with a blue wax crayon, asking the one he fancied for her phone number so he could write it down on a paper napkin.

The only way I could get him out of the place was to pick him up, and carry him out under my arm, as he shouted, "Phone me sometime, Linda, and we'll go out for a cake and a coffee!"

Cute indeed! Wink

Marcia Wrote:

MissNewZealand Wrote:

Planet*Louise Wrote:

Marcia Wrote:
When my son was a toddler he used to run up to people he saw in the street and wrap his arms round their legs and not let go.


Sounds cute.Big Grin


Aww!! Thats so cute and loving. Its amazing how children are so loving towards the world around them


Lol! Big Grin

Yes, he's very cute and loving!

When he was 5 we were in a coffee shop and he went off to find the toy box, came back and told me he'd found some friends and was it ok if he spent some time with them.  I said that was ok, assuming it was children he knew.  It wasn't.  It was 2 women in their 30s and he was busy chatting one of them up.  He totally ignored the one he wasn't interested in, and gave the other one his phone number.  By the time I went to look for him he was standing with a blue wax crayon, asking the one he fancied for her phone number so he could write it down on a paper napkin.

The only way I could get him out of the place was to pick him up, and carry him out under my arm, as he shouted, "Phone me sometime, Linda, and we'll go out for a cake and a coffee!"Cute indeed! Wink


Great story!  

Reminds me of my oldest.  What a charmer (of the older ladies, okay the grandfathers are impressed as well).

A retired teacher (volunteering as an aide)- she's around 80-85 now ...(fell in love with him and looked out for him- though not officially his teacher) from a school he was in years ago.  She saw us at local Chinese restaurant and he and she chatted and chatted like old friends.  No sign of shyness on his part.  They acted like they just saw each other yesterday.  
Afterwards, days later her husband dropped off pictures that he drew for her from 4 years ago! She saved everything he ever did.  She thought he was the most interesting person she'd met in years.  She made it a point to let me know (in case I didn't know it) how special he was, how pure. She mails things to him and hopes he will write back.



If only age made no difference in the way people treat people.  Being treated like what you are saying has merit does wonder for confidence and self worth.

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