Aspies For Freedom

Okay, I do take issue w/#8. Is every person w/autism a social person trapped inside an asocial person's body? What if you prefer to be by yourself and definately don't like sports?  :pfff:

I don't like number one. It seems really obvious that I am a person, and person first language just tries to make us all out to be similiar. I really wish people'd keep number 3 in mind. The wording on number five sounds like the author can't make up her mind- do we have good vocabularies or bad ones? I've read the entire American Heritage Dictionary and I have almost all of the words in my vocabulary.

Although I "disagree" with the emphasis on all autistic people/children being like the article describes, I do think point #3 is universal. It doesn't matter who you are or whether you have autism or not, people should not assume that just because you don't react or don't do something it means you are "actively resisting" it or "deliberately ignoring" something.

Someone posted a link to a bullying site on another forum and they seem to have now added a "type" that has a lot of AS traits (and they mention this as well). They actually listed things like "not listening when spoken to" and "walking out of the room when spoken to", which are very classic auditory processing issues (don't hear when addressed etc.), as being "deliberate" tactics and "power plays"  :-(

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm#Guru

I see what they're trying to do, bit I do have some problems with the list:

1) They can't blanket that. Some people like person first, some don't. I don't. I say 'I'm aspie' in the same way I might say 'I'm white' or 'I'm a girl'. It might be better to emphasise that autism is only part of the person. They are an autistic person, but there is more to them. If there wasnt, then they'd just be walking autistic traits, and nobody is like that, so it's safe to say that auties have traits that are separate from their autism.

However, it seems that the logic behind the person first is to prevent people being underestimated because they're autistic. That's good, but it's better to realise that autistic people aren't stupid and can do well rather than pretend the autism isn't there.

2) OK, but it isn't all true in every case. People who know nothing of autism may think that every autistic child has ALL these different sensory problems.

3) Not sure I completely understand this, but it seems OK. Except for when it isn't relevant to the individual kid.

4) Maybe it's easier to just tell the kid what the idioms mean if he or she makes it clear that he/she doesn't understand? Good idea though. However, the 'idioms, puns, double meanings, sarcasm etc are lost on me' comment is a bit of a generalisation. Not every kid will have a problem with all of these.

5) Now, the big problem I have with this is the assumption that the 'Little Professor' types don't understand what they're saying. I suppose I was a Little Professor type when I was younger. (I know that technically Aspergers rather than Kanners, which is what the article is about, but the line between Aspergers and HFA is really blurred, so I think I'm an OK example) I didn't get the stuff I said from a 'stock', I spoke like an adult because I copied my parents' langauge rather than my peers'. Even now, at 14, I think like an adult and struggle to realte to people my age. I find the suggestion that this is only the case because I don't understand what's going on around me quite offensive.

6) Quite a good point. Most autistic kids are visually orientated. But again, not all.

7) Can't go wrong here. It would be better if parents did stop stressing over what their kids can't do and start focusing on what they can.

8) The first bit is OK- exceot for the fact that some autistic kids don't want to socialise and most won't want to join in with ball games if there's another option going. The second bit is wrong. People don't laugh because they don't know they aren't supposed to. They either laugh because they find it funny or because they get their reactions muddled up. If an autistic child laughs, it's a natural reaction like it is with others.
Also, don't teenage/adult NTs (and autistics, for that matter) often laugh or cheer if somebody makes a mistake, but I don't see anyone correcting them or trying to ban You've Been Framed.


The big problem with it is, basically, the sweeping generalisations. There is no common denominator to autism. Every kid will be different, and to speak of them as if they are all the same is probably damaging.

Oh, and 9 and 10 are both OK.

That list is flawed because it doesn't really go into OUR point of view, not just some parent who thinks he/she knows all.

Yeah, they should have interviewed a few people dotted across different places on the spectrum...

I think maybe there are very few statements you can make generally about everybody on the autism spectrum, and most of them are statements you can make about the whole spectrum of humanity.

For example:
"I think differently from you. Don't assume that I do things for the same reasons you might do them; instead, try to communicate with me to find out what I am thinking and feeling."

There's nothing specific to autism about that; and yet it's so very, very important for every autistic person...

Ten things your aspie child wish you knew. (As per my son)

1. I have an obsession, do not remove me from it. Watch out if you do.

2. Please keep me away from multiple noises, I can't distinguish them

3. I have a spot for everything I use, don't tidy it up. I can't find it.

4. Don't take me to the mall, too much noise.

5. Don't punish me by talking loudly. I will meltdown.

6. I thrive on peace and quiet, usually by myself.

7.  Don't force me to talk. It just might not happen. I will talk when I am good and ready.

8.  Don't put me in large groups to force me to make friends. I have one, that is all I need.

9.  When I start stimming that is a signal I need a quiet place or I will meltdown.

10.  I cannot tell a lie, what I say is exactly what happened.

Yes this is what my son prefers plus others as well. And he is real easy to live with following these simple guidelines.

But, see, those things apply just to your son, not to every Aspie! I think it would be very hard indeed to make a 10 things list that applied to everybody. It would have to be so general that it applied to NTs, too.

Of course. It is a spectrum after all. It is different for me and I am his father. No. 7 & 8 doesn't apply. I love being in the centre of groups paradoxically. Plus other differences. But I am professionally dxed and he is too.

A lot of stuff could be shortened to 'if I tell you not to do something, I actually mean it.  Like, for example, 'don't do that' after you pat my back or squeeze my shoulder or whatever means DON'T TOUCH ME GODDAMMIT I HATE THAT SO VERY MUCH, and that overly friendly guy where I work should listen and stop it.  Damn that bugs me.

Anyway, yeah, angry rant aside, these kinds of articles don't really do that much good.  If you don't know this kind of stuff about your kid something is seriously wrong.

Yes I can't stand being touched unless the person is my lover. And others may as well providing it is called for. A hug, kiss, handshake. My mother has the rather annoying habit of poking me with her finger when in family company and when I tell her don't poke she doesn't like it. It has never registered with her I can't stand it.

The worst part my children antagonize me that way as well for a few weeks after she visits.

I attended a convention last week and reminded several people I talk to online to NOT hug me when they see me.  I thought the weekend went unusually well.  Only a few people touched me.

The most upsetting touches were when one person unexpectedly kissed my hand and when a woman who asked permission to hug me and I don't feel i can say no without seeming like an ***. Instead of a squeeze around the shoulders, she leaned over and rubbed her cheek back and forth against mine.  Like a cat.  ARGHHH.  Gave me the willies.  I think I need to go shower again now.

*shudders*  Cheek rubbing - that is horrible!

I just tell people I'm not into being hugged and it's usually ok.  Sometimes, though, they're too quick for me.

Until only a very few years ago Scotland was a pretty safe place to be in terms of hugging and kissing - we just didn't do it!  However, that sadly has suddenly changed - don't know why.  
Maybe people do it a lot on the telly and it gets copied..

I kinda wish you hadn't mentioned the cheek rubbing. I'm going to keep thinking about that now! Eurgh!

Sand paper cheeks.