Aspies For Freedom

I thought you might be interested to see this web page - actually four web pages if you include the three questions. What do you think of the advice?
http://www.worksmart.org.uk/career/fitting_in

fitting in at work

How important is fitting in at work?  more...
How can I make sure I fit in?  more...
Does fitting in have to mean conforming?  more...


further information

Working is only a part of being at work. The work pays the bills and is the reason you’re there, but the people you work with are a central feature of your working life, and can prove even more important in the long term, with friendships often lasting long after the jobs through which they were begun. Fitting in at work is a key step towards ensuring that your working life is productive and happy and that you make the most of the social potential your workplace provides.


How important is fitting in at work?

If only in terms of the actual work you do, fitting in at your workplace makes a big difference. A cohesive team, bound together not just by their presence in an office or factory but by shared interests and social experiences, makes for a much more effective unit than one where work is the only thing bringing them together. At the very least, the employer will need to recruit new staff a lot less often.

For an employee, a workplace where you fit in with your colleagues feels like a completely different place to one where you don't. Being a part of a group gives you more energy and enthusiasm and inspires creativity, as well as providing access to a ready-made social network with immense potential. If you don't fit in at your workplace, you're unlikely to be very happy or to stay there very long.


How can I make sure I fit in?

The first step to fitting in is to get a sense of the culture of your workplace. Every organisation has its own culture, which manifests itself in the dress code, the look and layout of the place, the level of formality and the way staff interact with each other. Getting a clear sense of the way things are done is an important step towards making sure you pitch your own behaviour in a way that will chime with your colleagues. If you show up every day in a suit when everyone else is wearing jeans, unless your work requires it, you'll be erecting a barrier between you and those around you.

Set yourself some basic rules about how you deal with your colleagues. Don't be critical of them or their work. If you have an issue with someone, approach them about it personally rather than airing your concerns with other people, and do so in a positive, constructive way rather than being confrontational. Asking for help with problems you have with your work is a good way of breaking the ice and indicating a level of respect for colleagues' opinions, which will help. Developing these kind of habits will create a good climate for fitting in.

Make the effort to go to social functions arranged through work. These allow you to meet your colleagues outside of the usual working environment, when they're more relaxed and the organisational hierarchies and work-related barriers are weaker, and you can let your personality come across more easily. If you're asked to join people after work or at lunchtime, accept, because that's a clear invitation for you to fit in. And, if nobody asks, it's often because everyone thinks it's someone else's responsibility, so don't be afraid to do the asking yourself. Just like you, most people like to know that others are interested in them.


Does fitting in have to mean conforming?

If you're conforming against your wishes then you're not fitting in. Fitting in means making your personality a part of your working environment, not allowing it to disappear under a culture of which you can't be a part. If the culture of your workplace doesn't appeal to you, then it's worth trying to develop alternatives. If, for example, your colleagues get legless in the pub every evening and that's not your thing, try suggesting alternatives - a sporting outing, perhaps, a musical gig or a movie. The odds are that you'll soon find like-minded people who'll welcome the chance to do something different. Of course, it is possible that, despite your efforts, the culture is simply one you could never fit into. But most workplaces contain a remarkable variety of people, and trying to make connections is nearly always well worth the effort.

"If you're conforming against your wishes then you're not fitting in. Fitting in means making your personality a part of your working environment, not allowing it to disappear under a culture of which you can't be a part."

Well how come I am often told at job interviews "sorry, you don't sound like you will 'fit in."  That is after someone talks to me for five minutes.  It is just prejudice against people with autism.

I think it would be better if more people sued poisonous workplaces but it is hard and very draining and if the bosses are able to cow their staff, they are going to do their utmost to bluff their way through court too.

It's one thing to expect staff to be courteous towards each other (a must for a workplace to run smoothly) but quite unreasonable to be nitpicking about tiny elements of dress and how much time they spend socialising (unless they mean "too much" and it is affecting the work output of particular people).

It is difficult to fit in at work, because people have hidden agendas and usually do not say what they really mean.

I think that in my last few weeks of work, I have been under the impression that I had real friends at last, only to find that because I had the audacity to actually like a girl there in an intimate way, that I am now a laughing-stock. Perhaps I should have 'known my place' and kept quiet about it, after all, it isn't as though I am entitled to have such feelings, much less expect to get them reciprocated; not while there are so many low-IQ lumps of Beef about who are obviously so "superior" to me.

Now I understand why I utterly despise most manifestations of  Neurotypical culture, even if I do not really have A/S (which is always a possibility, though I am getting closer to moving towards a 'self-diagnosed' category).

I do work hard to fit in, I just feel it's more comfortable that way, even though, despite my best efforts, I do always come across as a bit eccentric.  One thing I really dislike and which was prevalent in my last workplace but not so much in my new one is where the boss encourages after-work "get togethers" like bowls nights or going out en masse to dinner.  I mean, I really dislike those, I get enough of trying to fit in with the herd during work, I don't want to hang out with them after work as well!  But nobody else seems to feel that way.  And particularly at night, I just can't be bothered to "pretend" to be chatty or want to talk about my day, my feelings, etc.  I just want to take it easy and have some quiet time to de-stress from pretending all day at work.
Alison

Yes, I think work time is work time and home time is home time. If a person enjoys going out with workmates outside of work that's fine but it shouldn't be made an obligation.

Ah, it's mostly just corporate weasel speak to go on and on about fitting in at work. Some cultures are toxic and should not be encouraged.

"Fitting in" may make your time at work with other employees easier, but really, "fitting in" sounds like something straight out of high school.

I work fast food...would I really want to fit in there? No. It does, however, make me feel awkward and out of place. I either work with high school kids or adults with pretty much lack of education. I'm 29 years old. Here by misfortune. I work with kids, I feel like a babysitter. I work with adults and I feel like, when I make small talk, it's as if I were speaking another language.

I guess even if I wanted to fit in I couldn't. How do I fit in? What's the point.

On the other hand, I'm rather liked by the managers and those who have been working there for quite a while, namel the adults (they see me as a kid but that's ok - I look all of 16). I do my job well (if that means anything in the long run).

It's just a job. I go there. Do my work. Then come home. The end.

Yes Imajican, I agree totally with your last comments. I don't think we have any obligation to fit in at a workplace, apart from doing our fair share of the work and treating co-workers with fairness and courtesy.

I would like to socialise a bit more with my workmates outside of work but don't own a car and so would have to rely on somebody to give me a lift or spend up on taxi fares. Excess noise can be an issue but perhaps I could see if we could have some trivia nights.

I don't fit in.  I doubt I would fit in if I tried.  It is not my fault that people can not accept my differences.  I need to eat lunch by myself and spend some working hours in calm and silence.  I believe these should be accommodations that I can ask for.

Yes - it's hardly unreasonable that you'd like some personal space.

This is something I experience at work as well. The majority of my co-workers are very friendly people to me, yet some of them can be completely prejudiced. They can have their views all they want, but I refuse to be a participant. If that means keeping my mouth quiet during their conversations then so be it. I just feel I'm surrounded by so many narrow-minded, unworldly folk it frustrates me.

That cartoon is just brilliant! I like it!

Although I can't see the obnoxious questioner *agreeing* that he's a jerk!  Honestly though, some people just seem able to talk under wet cement!  Often I let them talk and make non-committal sounds of agreement or the odd "I know what you mean" here and there, while thinking about something else. It seems the easiest way to get up an NT's nose is to ignore them.  Good or bad, they seem to find any sort of acknowledgment of their existence better than us tuning them out.  Perhaps that's why so many of them get in our faces in such an aggessive way - trying to get a reaction to their existence.  How sad that they need other people's affirmation of that!  It's not something we Auties seem to need at all - I spend most of my time trying to avoid being noticed.
Alison

If you were reading "300", you could say it was about 300 people (strictly speaking though there are more than 300 in the whole book).