07-12-2007, 08:09 AM
09-13-2007, 03:58 PM
GuessWho Wrote:
Having a natural child is always going to be a crap shoot. You never know how the genes will fall together. Sure you could, but I think the idea is to have a child to love unconditionally and try to make him or her as successful as he or she can.
My daughter is NT like my husband.
09-14-2007, 03:37 PM
Nothing is perfect in life, but knowledge is power. They have found the more education the mother has, the healthier the family. All children are individuals and different including siblings and identical twins. Always accept advice and information , but pick and choose what you need for the situation and the child. If you don't have the information stored then you have little to work with on a day to day basis.
parenting is "in the field" job.... not lab controlled LOL
a friend of mine from childhood who I believes is an aspie like me...she will not get diagnosed... is a geophysicist. She told me the younger generation has lost the ability to do observation and field work. They are so computer oriented , it is difficult for many to apply what they know to nature... this includes child rearing.
She did not want children for fear of not being able to raise a child.. her husband convinced her to have a child and they had a daughter.. Her daughter is a find young lady... Not as bright as her mother, but finding her own way... My friend turned out to be an excellent mom, but her NT husband was a cad and divorced her after 33 yrs of marriage. Not many (NT or aspies) liked him anyway...LOL She is glad he is gone! A jerk is a jerk whether they are NT or DT.
Yes do the best with what you have... but also make sure you have as much knowledge and info as possible.. One never stops learning new parenting skills.. but also be aware of PC parenting skills by so called experts... Use your common sense and also respect your child as an individual.. if you are wrong.. tell them you are sorry but also expect them to keep their word for a matter of earning trust. Children did not choose to be born.. and they did not have the opportunity to choose who their parents are... but they own their own souls.. we do not own them. We just have the priviledge of raising them till they are adults.. .and I am a firm believer, unless there is a medical reason for behavior... all behavior and morality comes from the home.. If children turn out less desirable as people , one can look at the home and parents.. it never fails... Parents do not want to hear this.... today everyone wants an excuse of why their kids are mis behaving or why they chose not to do the right path in life.... It always comes from the home and after 21-25, the young adults makes their own choises of responsiblity and can change what their parents failed with educating them by word and deed and example.
If you want a child to follow a good path, the first rule is the parent has to do so as well, otherwise words and rules are nothing.
When my daughter was 16, I handed her keys to her own car in front of her friends stating.. YOU "EARNED" our trust for this car. We pre told her about how friends will ask her to do things or go places or even drive her car and we sited cases where kids of friends of mine had major lawsuits due to their "Friends" suiing them after an accident. My daughter said there were many times kids tried to talk her into doing something that was not right... and she stood up to them. She told them... "My mom WILL find out, and trust me, you don't want My mom to HAVE to find out" IT put the fear into her friends. It backed up her decisions they were trying to use peer pressure to change. Good to have a Mom Hit man. LOL
She was very proud when we stated she Earned her right to our trust.
Let me share with you what my daughter told me after she was an adult... because being a parent.. you rarely know if what you are doing is working at the time LOL
at 15 she came to me when we took some girls to visit new orleans... that one girl wanted to leave the hotel and not tell me.. my daughter came strait away to tell me... I waited till the girl came to the room and told her ..I would know if they left because all the doormen have been informed to notify me if they were leaving the hotel.. and if they did... taht was automatic call to parents and we would all leave to go back home immediately with the reason they broke teh safety rules alone.
In HS she told me kids were having drinking parties and some of the parents knew and she did not want to go because of it.. .So I rewarded her trust and honor by more priviledges..
When she was 18 and graduating.. she came to our sunday school adult class, without telling us and told us in front of everyone that she wanted to thank her dad and me for teaching her God, because when she was up against other kids at school who wanted to do the bad things... and she said no.. she did not feel alone.. she always felt God was with her...
In HS and college I saw my words coming out of her mouth regarding words of wisdom to her friends especially regarding decisions and moral challenges..
At 21 , mom and dad were getting smarter all the time. LOL
At 25, she now thinks I am a genius and quotes my husband and my words of wisdom to others... so something must have sunk in..
She and I both agree... that is was not so much what I said.. but my example... Kids watch parents if they follow their own words of rules... They emulate how the parents behave..
She also has told me now that I spoiled her LOL... probably did with material things... I did not have much as a child... and gave my daughter many things; however, things do not matter to her much as values...
I am a firm believer in discipline and boundaries. I did spank my daughter with a small whop on her bohinee when she was small and would not listen but by the time they are 5 or 6, reason prevales.. I always explained everything to my child... I never said NO because I said so.. but I always explained WHY and the consequences to nausiating degree... LOL
My daughter has recently said I was excellent in explaining things to children... I just respect a child's right to know why we make the rules and why we discipline and what are the alternatives and reward for the questioned action.
Well I blathered enough... Let me know if i can help.
parenting is "in the field" job.... not lab controlled LOL
a friend of mine from childhood who I believes is an aspie like me...she will not get diagnosed... is a geophysicist. She told me the younger generation has lost the ability to do observation and field work. They are so computer oriented , it is difficult for many to apply what they know to nature... this includes child rearing.
She did not want children for fear of not being able to raise a child.. her husband convinced her to have a child and they had a daughter.. Her daughter is a find young lady... Not as bright as her mother, but finding her own way... My friend turned out to be an excellent mom, but her NT husband was a cad and divorced her after 33 yrs of marriage. Not many (NT or aspies) liked him anyway...LOL She is glad he is gone! A jerk is a jerk whether they are NT or DT.
Yes do the best with what you have... but also make sure you have as much knowledge and info as possible.. One never stops learning new parenting skills.. but also be aware of PC parenting skills by so called experts... Use your common sense and also respect your child as an individual.. if you are wrong.. tell them you are sorry but also expect them to keep their word for a matter of earning trust. Children did not choose to be born.. and they did not have the opportunity to choose who their parents are... but they own their own souls.. we do not own them. We just have the priviledge of raising them till they are adults.. .and I am a firm believer, unless there is a medical reason for behavior... all behavior and morality comes from the home.. If children turn out less desirable as people , one can look at the home and parents.. it never fails... Parents do not want to hear this.... today everyone wants an excuse of why their kids are mis behaving or why they chose not to do the right path in life.... It always comes from the home and after 21-25, the young adults makes their own choises of responsiblity and can change what their parents failed with educating them by word and deed and example.
If you want a child to follow a good path, the first rule is the parent has to do so as well, otherwise words and rules are nothing.
When my daughter was 16, I handed her keys to her own car in front of her friends stating.. YOU "EARNED" our trust for this car. We pre told her about how friends will ask her to do things or go places or even drive her car and we sited cases where kids of friends of mine had major lawsuits due to their "Friends" suiing them after an accident. My daughter said there were many times kids tried to talk her into doing something that was not right... and she stood up to them. She told them... "My mom WILL find out, and trust me, you don't want My mom to HAVE to find out" IT put the fear into her friends. It backed up her decisions they were trying to use peer pressure to change. Good to have a Mom Hit man. LOL
She was very proud when we stated she Earned her right to our trust.
Let me share with you what my daughter told me after she was an adult... because being a parent.. you rarely know if what you are doing is working at the time LOL
at 15 she came to me when we took some girls to visit new orleans... that one girl wanted to leave the hotel and not tell me.. my daughter came strait away to tell me... I waited till the girl came to the room and told her ..I would know if they left because all the doormen have been informed to notify me if they were leaving the hotel.. and if they did... taht was automatic call to parents and we would all leave to go back home immediately with the reason they broke teh safety rules alone.
In HS she told me kids were having drinking parties and some of the parents knew and she did not want to go because of it.. .So I rewarded her trust and honor by more priviledges..
When she was 18 and graduating.. she came to our sunday school adult class, without telling us and told us in front of everyone that she wanted to thank her dad and me for teaching her God, because when she was up against other kids at school who wanted to do the bad things... and she said no.. she did not feel alone.. she always felt God was with her...
In HS and college I saw my words coming out of her mouth regarding words of wisdom to her friends especially regarding decisions and moral challenges..
At 21 , mom and dad were getting smarter all the time. LOL
At 25, she now thinks I am a genius and quotes my husband and my words of wisdom to others... so something must have sunk in..
She and I both agree... that is was not so much what I said.. but my example... Kids watch parents if they follow their own words of rules... They emulate how the parents behave..
She also has told me now that I spoiled her LOL... probably did with material things... I did not have much as a child... and gave my daughter many things; however, things do not matter to her much as values...
I am a firm believer in discipline and boundaries. I did spank my daughter with a small whop on her bohinee when she was small and would not listen but by the time they are 5 or 6, reason prevales.. I always explained everything to my child... I never said NO because I said so.. but I always explained WHY and the consequences to nausiating degree... LOL
My daughter has recently said I was excellent in explaining things to children... I just respect a child's right to know why we make the rules and why we discipline and what are the alternatives and reward for the questioned action.
Well I blathered enough... Let me know if i can help.
tenaciouscj Wrote:
Yetti Wrote:
Day by day yes, but there are wise ways of raising children.. Day by day does not mean understanding or learning how to be an effective and good parent. I learned from books, other parents, my parents, etc. I especially listened to advice from parents whose children were the way I wanted my child to become in her own right... and it works.. Now at 25, my daughter thanks us for everthing, and is happy and successful in her own right. The main thing which affected her was my undiagnosed aspergers.. it baffled us all.. now upon my diagnosis , we can make sense of things.. Wish I knew back then.
Today many of you are lucky to learn you or your children have asperger's. You can make the changes to adjust yourself and many of us are educating the world so they can change to accept aspergers..
Today many of you are lucky to learn you or your children have asperger's. You can make the changes to adjust yourself and many of us are educating the world so they can change to accept aspergers..
I mean, you pick it up as you go along. It's not as if only perfect people should be parents. If that were the case, nobody would have kids. The important thing is to do the best you can with what you have.
I'm not sure what you meant by making changes to adjust ourselves. I mean, I'm proud to be aspie and do not want to become an NT clone. I agree with the idea of educating others about the condition.
09-14-2007, 03:43 PM
Your second issue is adjustment as an Apsie....
I don't mean we become clones... I am stating everyong has to learn about each other , respect each other and come half way for each.. its like a marriage.. its not one way or the other...
I love being an aspie..> I wish I knew I was before I was 56.... it would have made life easier.... but I am also a team player... learned to be... I want to be happy in this world and will work with others.... as well as expect them to respect me... There is no question about that... I am a pretty tough character but I am also someone who wants to see a job completed. I am not always going to play "My way" or the "Highway" but see all sides to make a project work without sacrificing my individuality.. I have done this for 56 yrs and it has worked out well.. I don't have success issues.... with work... I do need respect for privacy and time alone... to re energize... and I chose fields that were condusive to my needs as an aspie... and I did all this just shooting from the hip with no knowledge of my aspergers... Communication is important for everyone.. .whether its NT and Aspies or Chinese and ENglish..... they are languages... and we all need to learn to be multilingual.
I don't mean we become clones... I am stating everyong has to learn about each other , respect each other and come half way for each.. its like a marriage.. its not one way or the other...
I love being an aspie..> I wish I knew I was before I was 56.... it would have made life easier.... but I am also a team player... learned to be... I want to be happy in this world and will work with others.... as well as expect them to respect me... There is no question about that... I am a pretty tough character but I am also someone who wants to see a job completed. I am not always going to play "My way" or the "Highway" but see all sides to make a project work without sacrificing my individuality.. I have done this for 56 yrs and it has worked out well.. I don't have success issues.... with work... I do need respect for privacy and time alone... to re energize... and I chose fields that were condusive to my needs as an aspie... and I did all this just shooting from the hip with no knowledge of my aspergers... Communication is important for everyone.. .whether its NT and Aspies or Chinese and ENglish..... they are languages... and we all need to learn to be multilingual.
tenaciouscj Wrote:
Yetti Wrote:
Day by day yes, but there are wise ways of raising children.. Day by day does not mean understanding or learning how to be an effective and good parent. I learned from books, other parents, my parents, etc. I especially listened to advice from parents whose children were the way I wanted my child to become in her own right... and it works.. Now at 25, my daughter thanks us for everthing, and is happy and successful in her own right. The main thing which affected her was my undiagnosed aspergers.. it baffled us all.. now upon my diagnosis , we can make sense of things.. Wish I knew back then.
Today many of you are lucky to learn you or your children have asperger's. You can make the changes to adjust yourself and many of us are educating the world so they can change to accept aspergers..
Today many of you are lucky to learn you or your children have asperger's. You can make the changes to adjust yourself and many of us are educating the world so they can change to accept aspergers..
I mean, you pick it up as you go along. It's not as if only perfect people should be parents. If that were the case, nobody would have kids. The important thing is to do the best you can with what you have.
I'm not sure what you meant by making changes to adjust ourselves. I mean, I'm proud to be aspie and do not want to become an NT clone. I agree with the idea of educating others about the condition.