Aspies For Freedom

Hi, I'm new here...

Would any of you Aspies describe what it was like for you being pregnant? I'm currently 34 weeks and although I didn't think it'd be a breeze I'm having a rougher time than I'd expected, for a wide variety of reasons (long story and it's bedtime, I'll get back to it tomorrow). So anyway, please describe your personal experiences, good and bad. Thanks in advance...

Marieke
--
22yo possible/probable Aspie

Welcome to the board.
I'm twice your age, but had my first baby at age 40.  Being pregnant was terrifying, but being a mom is a heckuva lot harder!  I quit my job when I was three months pregnant, so I had it very easy in that sense.  I didn't know about autism then, so it's hard to say how I would have handled it with knowledge of AS.  I highly recommend the thread on Moms with AS over at the Wrong Planet website.  For some strange reason I've not investigated whether or not there is such a thread here.
The books that I read were all (of course) by NTs, for NTs.  I could not relate, but did not know why.  Then after my daughter was born, everyone said I should join a mothers' group, which was the absolute LAST thing I wanted to do.  I like to be alone, and suddenly NEVER being alone, and being totally responsible for that other person who cannot communicate in words was extremely overwhelming.

I don't want to alarm you.  You may have a fine time.  I didn't.  But here I am, four years later, with a wonderful, wonderful, WONDERFUL Aspie daughter, who alerted me to my own Aspieness.  It's a journey.   Welcome!!

Thanks.

Yeah, I'm not sure how motherhood will be, but I'm not too worried about that yet (perhaps I should be). Luckily I've got a wonderful husband who seems to want to be really involved with the baby... at first he was even talking about wanting to do the male lactation thing (yes, that's biologically possible, although they tend not to produce enough for it to be the baby's sole food supply), but he's finally decided against that.

The first trimester I was nauseous all the time, especially in the evenings, which sucked because I'd signed up for evening classes to avoid problems with morning sickness... I ended up dropping all my classes for the semester. I also slept 13+ hours per day. My husband says I had a fair number of mood swings as well, but I don't remember being worse than usual. My skin allergies got a lot worse as well.

The second trimester was pretty easy I guess. Worried about fixing up the house enough to be able to move into it, but other than that everything was more or less fine, although I got somewhat depressed. This third trimester however is a bitch. We just moved into our new house and I've been breaking down all the time, which is fairly explicable but sucks nonetheless. We bought the house before we knew I was pregnant and it needed a lot of work and we'd expected that I'd be able to help a lot, which just didn't happen in the end (I helped some, but not as much as intended). Then, the weather has been really unusual this spring, raining tons so that the foundation work was delayed for over a month, delaying the work on the house. We didn't get the things done we'd expected to do, and we moved into the house without electricity (neighbor was nice and lets us use one extension cord from his house) and with cold water only. And it's hot and humid all day long. For some reason I've also been nauseous a lot again. Never mind the financial troubles...  Finally decided to go see a psychiatrist 2 weeks ago and have been on Prozac since, but that stuff takes time to start working. I'd love to help out with the house to speed things up but *every* little thing sends me into an overload now so I'm most helpful by just keeping my emotions under control so that my husband can work instead of comforting me. Btw, he's been diagnosed with bipolar in the past but claims it's due to being an aspie (for which he's self-diagnosed).

So... ugh.

I had SUCH a hard time with the thought of being in charge of another human. I was also terrified of the thought of being out of control during childbirth.

I have very nosy family members that all thought it was their right to be part of the birthing process... anyway... I had to make it obnoxiously clear that no one could be there but hubby and required medical professionals. Even then I still had to kick some people out... One of them even tried to walk-in about the same time I was waiting for an epidural... it wasn't so good for her.

My second child by far was easier! I knew what was going to happen and how I was going to react so it went lots smoother. As an added bonus she was born in the middle of the night so no family was around until morning. Also, make sure you set guidlines for any family about your post-partum time as far as visiting. The last thing I needed with any of my babies was people popping in to meet the baby. Try to set up visits yourself so its on your terms.

I'm a strong proponent of an epidural... but I know everyone has their thoughts on it. It just made the whole situation go from out of control, spiraling towards total chaos... to nice and calm and controled.

I was usually more tired than sick and hibernated mostly my first trimesters. I was in college with my first also... that was fun! ha ha ha.

As a now old-time mom who's not having anymore babies I can say I always find it amusing that new moms are more afraid of the birth than the baby... Its not until your drive home that you suddenly realize what the last nine months have been all about.

I know that Jewelie said she didn't like the books... I liked the what to expect books because they helped me know what was coming next. I also read a few others that helped me understand how to handle other mommies. As my oldest daughter got older I had to finally meet other mommies so that she could have the social life she apparently needed.

BTW- Jewelie, where is the mommy aspie part of wrong planet? I always manage to avoid that website, I can't figure it out. (I know that may not make sense, I just can't...)  Can you send a link please?

Good luck with moving, school, babies and everything else! keep us posted please!

Whats the sex of this thing(baby)?

tee hee hee... yea... we just finished up the toddler years! My youngest turned three yesterday (her golden birthday). Being a mom is fun. Toddlers really aren't so bad for the most part... really its 90% smiles and laughter. The 10% isn't so much fun, but you really do learn how to handle it. And you learn to LOVE naptime... and bedtime!

PM me anytime if you want to talk about pregnancy/baby/kid.

Thing? Ugh calling a baby a "thing" Makes my skin crawl.

As for the prenacy thing, have you thought about Pre-Natal yoga? That might help with overloads durning preancey and built good hip strength during birth

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php?n...ic&t=16284


Hope that works.
If it doesn't:
Log in (obvious) and click on Discussion (says Chat, confusingly)
Then scroll down to Women's Discussion
The scroll pretty far down to "moms with AS"

It was really a relief for me to read this thread, because all of the MANY parenting books that I read were totally foreign to me.  Sarahjoke's comments about not allowing visitors at the hospital was like a breath of fresh air.  We AS mothers must reinforce each others' strangenesses!!

Encourage them to change a diaper if you want someone to go.

I didn't really think it was so strange until later...   Some family (mostly hubby's side since mine "get" me a bit better) was really hurt by me not wanting to "share" in all of the excitement... Most have gotten used to me and my oddness.

GuessWho, you make me laugh sometimes. I'm assuming (always gets me in trouble!) that you mean that if the family wants to go you can bring them in to change a diaper. Not sure though! If that is what you meant... I took full advantage of the nursing staff at the hospital. The first time because I just really didn't think at all about diapers (that sounds odd but I was on percaset (SP?) and it was doing some odd things to my brain.) The second time around, well, I was just tired of diapers! Diapers days are all gone now though!

Yes, that was a joke, SarahJoke.
To get someone to leave, ask them to change a diaper.  Especially if they are men.

"Being a mother is like being pecked to death by ducks" - Some mother

My youngest is 5 now, and I don't really remember much what it was like to be pregnant, except being really uncomfortable all the time towards the end.

If you are going with midwives, may I suggest that you still familiarize yourself with what would happen if there were complications. I didn't want a hospital birth for the same reasons as you, but BOTH of my sons had complications and I ended up having my world turned upside down right at a time when I was the most stressed and in the most pain.   If I had at least toured the hospital or prepared a little bit for what could happen I think it would have been easier.

The worst thing about having a baby is that you don't get much sleep for the first year.  And lack of sleep makes EVERYTHING seem worse. (at least for me) That is honestly the number one reason I won't have a third... It's just too hard for me to function without sleep.  Having people come over and watch the baby while I slept was the best way they could help me... so if you have chatty friends who want to hang out with you, they aren't the best resource. At least that was my case.

The toddler years are hard because they are so curious and into everything - so I would baby proof your house now and buy some gates to cut down on the stress.  It's amazing how fast they start walking, climbing and pulling books off the shelves.  I used to think I was a slob, and then I had kids and I can't believe how easy it is to clean up after just myself now.  So... if you have clutter and are messy, I would throw out or store as much as you can.

The best advice I can give to a new mother is to start talking to your baby as if it understands you as soon as possible... and explain everything you're doing and even why. Also, consider reading up on sign language for infants... they can learn to sign months before they learn to speak.  This makes a huge difference in how you feel about your baby and will help him absorb so much more information.  

Children are way smarter than people give them credit for and both my kids have amazed people with the complicated concepts they understand... I'm sure it's because we talk about complicated concepts all the time, so they're used to it. (see my teaching my son to look for hints thread for examples)

But - beware... talking to your son early might turn him into a curious little question machine. *L* I actually love it when my kids want to understand the world, but at the same time it wears me out sometimes and I have to give them a 20 question count down to 'no more questions' time.  I tell them that Mommy's energy is limited and it will run out, so make sure your next 20 questions are really important, because after that, I'm done, and I won't answer anymore.

Things you can live without that everyone seems to think they need:

Diaper changing table - a pad on top of a dresser that's the right height can serve as well
Diaper Genie- more trouble than it's worth - just throw them in the kitchen trash and take it out every night.
Baby Oil - for use on what?
Stuffed Animals - one or two tops... and preferably small washable ones. My kids both have dust allergies and we had to get rid of all those big, expensive wild animals because they collect dust and are a pain to wash.  And my kids never played with them anyway.
Noisy toys - if it's loud, it will annoy you eventually.

Things I found very helpful:
Pack n-play - portable playpen and 'cage' for when you need crawler to stay put or to be safe from larger children or pets. Don't put a toddler in it, they climb out. (at least mine did)
Bouncer - any type of moving seat thing that comes with toys. Both my kids loved them and gave me a break from holding and playing when I needed it.
Monitor - babies sleep better when they can't hear noise, but then you have to be quiet... unless you have one of these...
Gates - as mentioned above.  Chairs on their sides do not work as well for climbers.
Legos, wooden train set, ball/marble runs (size depending on age), and any toy with wheels (no need for a track or remote control). These are the toys that my kids still play with while the others have broken or have been forgotten.

Being a mother has made me realize things about myself, and the depths of love that I am capable of that I never would have imagined ever. It's hard, and you have to expect to sacrifice, but it's amazing... I still sometimes just stare at them, my heart pounding and feeling fluttery in my stomach because I love them so much.   (and then sometimes it's like being pecked to death by ducks...)

Hi!

Having kids is the best thing I did (although pregnancy was one of the things I got worse at with practice) and now three of them are adults and my babies are teenagers I get to go through it all again by proxy as a granny.

Like 7o'clock I talked with my babies, read aloud whatever book I was reading at the time when breastfeeding (which is really fun, with twins - you really have to have good arms on your soft chair not to drop a baby or the book!). I propped books up in the corner of the crib when they were newborn (substitute with cloth books before they start grabbing!) and they were all reading by three.

Make the most of their early years, because it only seem to take about five minutes and they are off to school and under someone else's influence.

I often wonder where all those years went.......

The lightbulb is on now... thanks! (I'm sure I don't need to describe that whole literal thing amongst fellow aspies...)

I developed very rapidly as a baby. I was walking by 8 months and according to me mum by my 1st birthday I was speaking in sentences. What I wonder is if Marieke's child will be NT or another aspie. I certainly hope that my kids will have at least something psychologically abnormal about them-if not Aspergers. But in particular if I have son(s) I will definitely expect and want them to have some degree of Aspergers; as for my possible future daughter(s) it pretty much doesnt matter.