Aspies For Freedom

Hi all,

I'm new to the board and come in seek of answers for my stepson.  His mom says he has been diagnosised with AS but will not discuss it with him (he is 13) nor will she show his Dad or I any of the evaluations. She doesn't want us to tell him anything, because he's too young.  She believes that him knowing will be harmful to his self-esteem.  I however do not agree.  My sister was finally diagnosised with Bipolar Disorder, and knowing and understand was the best thing that ever happened to her and to her relationships.  She is now on meds and her daughter, husband and the rest of the family as well as friends have a better understanding of her and what she goes through now.  

For those with early diagnosis, when did you know and what was helpful to you in understanding any differences?

Any thought are appreciated.

SP

very well said, I couldn't put it better

Exactly Batman55, that's where I came from too.

I was diagnosed about 3 years ago. I said, Great, do you have a pill to cure me??"
She said no, it's not like that and I'll be like this for the rest of my life.
I stormed out, and hid under a rock for 3 years.
Now I'm ready to face the future

Mind you, my major depression does seem to respond to medication, the maximum permissible dose of Welbutrin (450 mg/day at my body weight) plus some Lexapro at night.

I also tried Luvox for the OCD traits, and the inspiration for the Welbutrin was the troublesome ADHD symptoms nine years ago.

It started with Prozac 11 years ago.

The Asperger made a lot of sense when I was diagnosed 11 years ago, eight weeks from graduation in grad school, the times when people said I was behaving impolitely without realizing it was impolite, clumsiness around people, incurring their irritation, being so troubled in high school I studied to the point I forgot what friends were for, failed job interviews between college and grad school, and up to that point, only three small incidents of women who hinted at liking me.  

And there would be so many failed job interviews yet to come the state of Maryland trained me in computer programming at their expense.

And there have been since maybe three definite episodes of boyfriend-girlfriend.  

I emphatically disagree, however, with the examples of not identifying with the needs of a female partner (see http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthre...683&page=2).  I understand concepts like sick spouses, giving hugs on a routine basis, an indirect request for a glass of water, weddings, invitations to dinner.  At the very least I know I have feelings.  I seem to have done a good job, the first gf wanted me to marry her.  The mistake was giving her what she wanted before I knew how badly I wanted it, too, and even then, I was not to start a permanent job for two years.  She might have given up anyway.  I don't call that a relationship, though, because a relationship is accepting who you are even when you make mistakes.  Going along with someone until reality sets in, that's a fantasy, ego trip, or maybe in her case, a manic episode.  (http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=9409)

The third also wanted me to marry her, but I was wiser.  I asked to think about it and told her no.  Her bipolar complicates employment and education both and she has less in common with me than the first.  I know relationships are going to be tough, but I'd like to think I would for the sake of enjoying someone compatible.

Wow....
How did you get the state of MD to pay for training??
It took me breaking both legs (and more!) in the Army for them to pay for my (useless) degree!

If I didn't run and hide after seeing a shrink( who was a friend no less!) I'd love to try some of those antidepressents you talked about. Sometimes my rage gets so blinding, I black out. and my euphoria, so high, I'm almost orgasmic. So naturally I'm more depressed than not! DUH!!

I've had fairly good luck with women, up until my 3 year 'walk about' and nothing after that! Oh well.

Well, we have some things in common.  

As for the meds, different cocktails work for different folks and sometimes they need tweaking over time, too.

I've had three girlfriends.  First seemed promising but she was dazzled by what could be, not reality, mild to moderate bipolar, was a college student.  Second, anger management.  Third, decent, but few common interests and a severe case of bipolar.  Some computer school certificate but seems content with SSI.  No motivation?

One possible pattern seems to be I do not attract very Christian women, most often, marginal or none, though I am saved.  I don't have a passion for Jesus like He is some sort of love.  But I am grateful that He stopped long enough in His battle with Satan to let me surrender.  Jesus makes the Geneva Convention seem petty.  We are wiped clean and going to Paradise.  There is no Geneva Convention for those who do not surrender, however, but it is the same in human wars.

Another.  I think http://www.wrongplanet.net/article297.html helps to explain the lack of interest from female strangers.  We're not communicating on their level.  I've had partial success with intelligent conversation on mutually-interesting subjects (news, history, science, environment, Bible prophecy), but so far with a lesbian in committed partnership and two (heterosexual) wives.  I think the fact that they are not looking for a guy helps explain why they are fascinated with the conversation and friendship but no more.  Husbands sometimes don't have intellectual and verbal gifts.  

Sometimes it hurts to think about one female co-worker in another division (whom we support with technology, databases and Web sites).  She seems intelligent, both academically and in creating a persona that is likable when on business (and attractive).  I know it is only an appearance but it is alluring.  I have no idea who is inside.  Kind of like Venus, can't see through the clouds.

It stopped being really painful after I realized a pattern from our popular fiction, the confident nerd rebuffed by the attractive woman or others, because he seems uppity, does not know his place, she is higher than he is, he deserves less if anything, and so on.  Had nothing to do with her, just how I relate to society.

A colleague on the tech team mentioned the importance of confidence, something I did not figure out on my own.  I am formidable as a Web developer or computer programmer or even operator in general because humans don't matter.  

Job interviews? Dating?  Humans matter.





Maryland paid because
1.  I had a $17,000 student loan (it was deferred for three years and some months after graduation, first for unemployment (actually underemployment short term) and then for rehab)
2.  I had cancer nine months after graduation.  Yes, but one with a high cure rate (testicular, non-seminoma I think).  But without insurance... I personally and gradually paid several thousand dollars for 2.5 years.  Both hospitals (surgery and radiation separate) forgave my bills.
3.  I got Food Stamps a matter of days after graduating with the Master's.
4.  Medicaid managed to avoid paying the bill directly but did cover me for a four-month period 1997-1998.
5.  Strong circumstantial evidence (anecdotal?) that the Asperger was ruining my interviews, and I did have three dozen, it felt like that scene in Independence Day (Damn, they got shields too)
6.  My first interview as a Web developer lead to eight years tenure and counting.  (Direct hit, squadron leaders, fire at will)

I agree Pakrat!
Telling someone as soon as possible is helpful.
If I had known wneh I was younger, It'd of made a world of difference! Don't wait until he's in his 30's. the sooner the better.

well i'm self diagnosed, i suspected i have somthing, but i discovered about the AS like 3 years ago when i went with a neurologist that was treating my grandmother and he say it to me, but he say it's necessary make some studies (like 300 dollars we don't have) .

well anyway it help me a lot, i just feel stupid before know about the asperger, now everything makes sense and i accept im different, i don't think to know it gonna be harmful to his self-esteem, On the contrary it will help him

Thanks so much for all of your imput.  It will take a doctor's recommendation, for us to tell him, per court orders (agreed on under duress) or going back to court to modify the orders.  I wanted to know how someone with AS felt and how they were effected by knowing the truth.  

Thanks,
ttbug

I was told when I was 8, right after I'd been diagnosed. My mom set an article describing Aspergers on a table near me, and so I got curious, as always, and read it.

   "Hey Mom, this sounds a lot like me."
"Yes, yes it does. Remember the tests you took?"
   "Yeah?"
"You have Aspergers Syndrome."
   "Oh. Okay."
I stood and thought for a moment.
   "Now I know why I'm so different."
Mom nods, and looks a little worried.
   "Well then, can have some milk and cookies, please?"
My Mom smiles. "Yes you may."

Of course, it didn't help with things at school, but hey, now I knew, and knowing is half the battle. From there I managed to learn how to fit in, to go with the flow, make my life easier, happier, better. By the time I hit high school, I was independent, and could do normal classes normally. I'm so, so glad my parents told me. I learned quite a bit, and a lot of self-control.